Well, it's been awhile since my last post; so I just thought I should warn the world - I'm in a worse mood than usual. I do apologize, but there's nothing I can do. I've gotten no sleep, and if I go back to bed I will either remain disappointed; or, sleep the day away. Boy, that sounds nice. I just cannot relax at night! I need to revert to my nocturnal stage. This whole routine thing is killing me; even I'm not used to being this tired.
Seriously, what kind of unemployed person needs more than ten hours in a day? I'm happy living life six hours at a time. It's perfect. I can eat, take a bath, eat again, and clean up my dishes. The next day I can eat, wash my hair, eat again and clean up my dishes. That routine I have no problem keeping. And, I feel a hell of a lot more refreshed when my day is six hours long. I can think straight. I can solve problems. The other day, I got two measurement equations right! Do you know how often I get something right? Almost never! Two in a row - that's big. And, I didn't study. Mainly because I'm not a student, either.
I'm also going to be bitchy today because even on nights that I do sleep; something is still not right. I have a pain in my knee; my stomach is cramping almost every day; my eyesight is getting worse; I'm hallucinating; and for some reason I have this sharp stabbing pain in my ribs. It's weird. I feel like an old lady. And I'm only twenty-two years and one month old; so I know it's not age-related. Of course, that would be my luck.
I have these Flavor Burst vitamins by Centrum on my desk. They're so, so tasty. I've been eating them like candy. Unfortunately, they don't seem to be improving my health. So really, they're just serving as a snack.
But hopefully today I can get a real snack that prevents me from eating them all in the next few hours. I am, apparently, walking downtown and going someplace today - I don't even know where. If it was a drunk text she didn't mean, I am definitely going back to bed.
There I go again. Definitely. I hate that word; I use it all the time. At least I stopped saying B-E-A-utiful. Then again, trading one bad habit for another really just makes me an alcoholic.
Okay, I feel like I'm going to pass out...or vomit. Not necessarily in that order. I need to go. Go where? Do what? Stay here. Do nothing. Just leave and pretend I went someplace to do something. Great - I've got a plan. And my plan is, come up with one.
Seriously, what kind of unemployed person needs more than ten hours in a day? I'm happy living life six hours at a time. It's perfect. I can eat, take a bath, eat again, and clean up my dishes. The next day I can eat, wash my hair, eat again and clean up my dishes. That routine I have no problem keeping. And, I feel a hell of a lot more refreshed when my day is six hours long. I can think straight. I can solve problems. The other day, I got two measurement equations right! Do you know how often I get something right? Almost never! Two in a row - that's big. And, I didn't study. Mainly because I'm not a student, either.
I'm also going to be bitchy today because even on nights that I do sleep; something is still not right. I have a pain in my knee; my stomach is cramping almost every day; my eyesight is getting worse; I'm hallucinating; and for some reason I have this sharp stabbing pain in my ribs. It's weird. I feel like an old lady. And I'm only twenty-two years and one month old; so I know it's not age-related. Of course, that would be my luck.
I have these Flavor Burst vitamins by Centrum on my desk. They're so, so tasty. I've been eating them like candy. Unfortunately, they don't seem to be improving my health. So really, they're just serving as a snack.
But hopefully today I can get a real snack that prevents me from eating them all in the next few hours. I am, apparently, walking downtown and going someplace today - I don't even know where. If it was a drunk text she didn't mean, I am definitely going back to bed.
There I go again. Definitely. I hate that word; I use it all the time. At least I stopped saying B-E-A-utiful. Then again, trading one bad habit for another really just makes me an alcoholic.
Okay, I feel like I'm going to pass out...or vomit. Not necessarily in that order. I need to go. Go where? Do what? Stay here. Do nothing. Just leave and pretend I went someplace to do something. Great - I've got a plan. And my plan is, come up with one.
Yay, a new post! I was getting pretty worried about you! DA showed that your last log-in was a week ago, and your last few replies to my email/DA comments seemed kind of short, as if you were angry...I didn't want to ask and bother you, but I was going to do it today anyway just to check up on you.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you'll be getting out of the house today - by "she" I assume you mean Mom? I hope you have a lot of fun and get the things you want; nothing is as depressing as feeling trapped and having the same thoughts over and over (which is kind of where I am right now...the same depressing thoughts keep me awake, invade my nightmares, and don't let me focus). There's more on that subject, but too personal for a public blog post, so I'll shut up about that.
Anyway, I've been checking your DA every day, and here, to see if you'd been online anywhere...I can't help worrying about you; we're so far apart we might as well be on separate planets, or at least that's how it feels. I get so lonely and depressed and bored . . . did you know a person can actually be bored to tears??
I wish I was there - I'd love to walk downtown with you, and go shopping...man, do I ever miss living in a city where there are plenty of stores! If ever you come to Elkford, you'll probably be truly surprised by how little is actually here. (I was!)
I'll e-mail you sometime - I can't do much else to try and cheer you up, from here, but I should be trying. I know from experience that talking can be really helpful, because I've needed to talk in the past and no one has bothered to listen. That's why my blog has so many, many entries :P
Just so you know, it looks as though this site "eats" my comments when I post 'em. Please let me know if you can see the long one above this one...
ReplyDeleteI can see it.
DeleteNo, I wasn't mad at you! Sometimes I just don't know what else to say on the subject. Or, I think it might be boring to you like it is to everyone here.
No, I can't say I did know that...Hm.
I miss shopping with you, too. When I shop with Mom, I either follow her and push the cart, or walk on my own with an annoying basket - its thick straps cutting off circulation to my fingers as the basket bumps my legs with every step; meanwhile the contents are sliding around, changing its weight. I hate shopping baskets; but sometimes I just want to walk on my own for awhile.
No, I had very little fun today. I didn't go out at all because there was only enough bus fare for one person. We could have walked to the corner store and gotten more at the ATM inside, but she thought there might be bears. So, I stayed. Went to bed, because I hadn't slept at all during the night; and when I got up I played some Sims and then made a delicious dessert. (Evident because I licked the bowl - the snack itself won't be ready for a few more hours.)
Umm...Well, I can't exactly listen; but if you ever need to rant, I can read and write back. I actually started a journal in Notepad, and I write about it every time I don't feel like logging onto dA. I don't really go there anymore unless I have something to upload, which I hardly ever do. The poems I've written haven't turned out the way I wanted; I'm housebound until I find a dollar seventy-five someplace, so there won't be any photos; and...well, that's about all I do. I don't even log onto NFSW anymore because I realized how boring my friends were. And, they're not even good friends. All they ever want is my advice, my shoulder to cry on; and then they disappear for almost a year. Or a full year...or longer...I'm still hoping to see my one friend online, but it's been three, maybe four years now. If, one day, she does sign back on; I'm afraid I won't like her anymore, or I'll miss it.
But, before I stop blathering on and on, and let you get on with your life in Elkford; I just want to say that if you feel trapped, or ignored; you can always come back, whenever you want. We'd love it. ^^
Oye. I should go before this thing becomes as long as our old shopping lists... :D