Christmas Of 2014

      Well, here we are. I've got just enough time to watch a movie, which I think is best if I have to stay awake. Apparently a nap is not a good idea. I probably couldn't sleep much anyway; not with this horrible Febreze scent clogging my pores. It's just that staying awake for the whole day is so tiring. Who needs this many hours?
      But, on the plus side, after the movie I shouldn't have too long of a wait before I can indulge myself in ham, and turkey, and potatoes, and stuffing; all sloshed over with a delectable gravy. Yum, yum, yum. And I had a Strawberry Cheesecake Jello pudding and realized it was the best damn dessert I'd ever had. Seriously, it beats chocolate. It even beats graham crackers dipped in cream cheese, which is one of my top five desserts! Now all I have to do is try actual cheesecake.
      Anyway, I'm nodding off; so I'm going to go now and watch a movie or whatever. Or just That '70s Show. At least that way, there's a fifty-one percent chance an episode won't be interrupted. I know it's all about the holiday cheer and peace and goodwill...But I'm just not a cheery person. I'd rather sit alone, doing things I enjoy. If it weren't for such a feast I would take that nap. But, I haven't eaten since that can of soup at 9AM, and I haven't eaten well for months. It's either been instant potatoes, which I'm allergic to; a cheese sandwich, which I'm allergic to; or soup, which we're out of, aside from tomato soup. And tomato soup is great, but it's always cold before I'm done. I guess because it's a thin, watery soup.
      Okay, well, I'm probably boring you to tears. I think I was more interesting blabbing about Sims all day...Before I go though, I'd like to suggest a musical group to anyone who's bored of Christmas carols and whatnot. They're called Imagine Dragons, and they're great. They started a cancer foundation for this spirited teenager who didn't make it, so I have respect for them. Plus I already like three of their songs: I Bet My Life, Demons, and Radioactive.
      Okay, well, feel free to suggest a music group or a movie or whatever to me. As many as you want. Please.

What A Day

      Today was weird, even for me. Where do I even start? Hm...Okay, this morning I got up to go shopping. I crammed myself into a Tracker, which is a very compact car with four seats and two doors. I would have preferred sitting in the backseat, so my mother and her boyfriend were not talking into my right ear; but despite that, it was a great ride, nothing at all like a dinky little car. It's high up and roomy, at least up front. It's also very square with big windows, and I didn't get carsick at all.
      He dropped us off at my bank and we walked to hers. Then he picked us up and off we went. He dropped us off at Superstore and I had to witness their kiss, which of course makes me look like the girl who traveled there with both of her parents. I do hate misconceptions; especially since humans are so judgmental. (Another reason I'm convinced I'm a robot or an alien.)
      I spent the entire shopping trip pretty much dehydrated, and refused to drink something before paying for it because even though I see it all the time, I don't like the idea. Call me crazy, but I just think you should pay first and consume later. Well, despite Mom saying we could get everything on the list and then some, we didn't even get half. I stood in line next to this woman whose chin had actual hair on it. I could see them. They were white and very much resembled a cat's whiskers. But she was nice, and I really tried my best to be.
      And then...I saw my deceased stepfather. Well, his lookalike, who had his voice and his arrogance and his walk and the same exact face, at least from a distance. I was too afraid to go closer. I also saw a lookalike of one of my aunts. But the lookalike of my stepfather really got me. He was yelling, just like him; and his voice was a perfect match - literally. I actually asked my mom if she thought it might be him, and she said no, but my brother later on told me that yes, he does have a twin. And not a literal, blood-related twin; which is even creepier.
      I know it's foolish to think it was him - my mother saw him dead as a doornail on the hospital bed. But how can resemblances be so close, without relation? Even I have a twin, according to my mother and brother. I've never seen her. I've just seen a girl who shared my first and middle name, and we were born on the same day of the same year. Which is, somehow, less weird. I'm not sure how.

Here We Go Again

      Well, I recently botched the best game I ever had going in The Sims 2. I thought I could install a second expansion pack, but I'd forgotten that somehow, it was damaged. It killed the launcher. I think it's a permanent thing; it still won't work. And the sucky thing is, it did earlier. Got my hopes up. I made a beautiful couple and they had a beautiful baby. With red hair and big blue eyes. Her name was Gaia.
      I moved them into this huge house that took me an hour or two or three to make. I learned that watering your Sim's plants actually revives them, instead of killing them off; like in literally every other Sim game I played. I got my Sim to hire a maid, who watered the same plants for eight hours, and then I got my Sim to fire her. She left without completing her job, so my Sims did it.
      Right now, frozen in time, never to be played again; the baby is sleeping and the happy couple is sitting on the lounge chairs outside, dreaming of the other kids they want to have. It had cooperated. It was fun, for the briefest time. I should have moved them into a crappy house so I could play them for three hours, instead of thirty minutes. Now I'm all disappointed because, even after my brother fixed my computer and made it run nice and fast again; it still will not work.
      I ran Troubleshooter. It says it's an incompatible program. Guess what my program compatibility says? "Excellent compatibility!" What a shock. Even machines are hypocrites.
      But, I guess it's for the better. Now, instead of playing my beloved, half-hour-old family; I can do other fun things. Like write my crappy book, which is going all over the place but having no real destination. Or I can take that Tylenol. Or go to bed.
      When did I get old?

Just Needed To Rant

      Okay, is there no such thing as morality anymore? Was there ever such a thing? First, a long, long time ago, someone stole my work and tried to claim it as theirs. Thankfully I was able to prove them wrong with the publish date attached to the original post. But now, I find that someone is using my YouTube name on a site I've never even visited before. And not only that, but unless I made a comment and forgot, another person took my dA username.
      And maybe I did make that comment, but my YouTube username has without a doubt been stolen. Well, I had it first, damn them. I'm not going to change it.
      I never thought I, of all people, would be copied. I'm so pissed. I have spit all to share; and people are taking my usernames, my work...I'm just so pissed. I already do things without knowing I do them, say things without knowing I say them, and I forget everything people say to me in a matter of minutes - one minute, if I'm lucky. And now I have to be stolen from?
      I know there are good people out there; but they're so overshadowed. And they're scared. They're hiding, just like me. And that is where all the morality is. Man, I wish indecency stopped at taking another's username. But no, people suck all the way around. I'm just walking beside the biggest, trashiest scumbags ever. "Hey, you know what'd be worth life in prison for all of us? Killing someone." "Hey, you know what's hot? Never, ever, ever showering." "I need thirty pounds of hair gel. And I'm stealing it all." "Time to be wild! Let's shoot our guns at a nursery!"
      I ****ing hate this @$$hole planet. It is just infested with the worst kind of people. I want to live on another planet - evidently, my home planet; where those people don't exist, and the only things you can eat come from the gardens.
      I've idealized my own planet and it's nothing like this one at all. There would be me, my family, doctors, and scientists. Nobody else. There would be small or trainable animals, and vegetation growing behind each and every house. There would be no cars; instead we would revert to horses and carriages. We'd be a green planet. It'd be the best of the olden days in modern time. The law would be fashioned out of the golden rule. That'd be sweet.

In 6 Days

      My mother feels a little bad now about missing my birthday. Which was preventable. So, for the seventeenth my brother invited my mother's boyfriend and his mother to a restaurant dinner. Only after a few days, I have to ask if we're still doing that and it turns out we're not. Instead, we're all eating at home. So, while it all changes, nothing's different. If that makes sense.
      Why don't people tell me their plans anymore? At least when I was a kid, and they would force me into these things; I knew what we were doing. Now that I have a choice, it seems I'm informed at the last minute - unless I weasel the information out of them. I feel so unheard sometimes. And not just because of all that; but because lately, when I try to speak to them, they just don't hear me. Like, if they ask for my opinion and I give it to them, that's one thing; but if I try to contribute to the conversation like a normal person whose say matters, they don't even look at me.
      I can see my own hand. Is it safe to assume my body still has mass?
      They only really notice me when I don't do something right. I turned 22, but they're still treating me like a child. And nothing I say will ever be enough; because while I always mean what I say, I can never just say what I mean. I always struggle with that and no one understands. Hence, they tell me I am the one who fails to understand them. If only I were incapable of speaking and had no other choice but to communicate through electronics! Then, finally, with a quick press of the Delete button and some recalculations; I would be understood.
      Unless of course I had Auto Correct. Man, I would love to send an Auto-Corrected message to someone. I watch Clumsy Thumbsy clips from Ellen all the time; and it never ceases to make me laugh. Or at least wish I could laugh without getting dizzy.
      Speaking of, my epilepsy actually hasn't bothered me for maybe two weeks. Now that I think about it, it's quite amazing...I've just been lightheaded and sleepy. Really nothing in comparison to a dizzy spell. And still, my mother and brother think that all forms of dizziness are the same. They think they know exactly what I feel when I go down. They're just hypochondriacs who think they know everything when they know sh*t. But anyway, as I was saying, I haven't made the decision yet if I should consult my doctor about surgery. It's just a really big step. It could kill me, if it's not done right. And if I die...well, I won't get dizzy! Or feel tired, or hurt, or wish I were someplace else. Well, I would, if dead people had the power to think.
      Which reminds me, I need to write my book. 'Bye!

Blah, Blah, Bah Humbug

      I fell asleep around six and woke up at nine. It was a very unpleasant, short night; so I'm going to retire very soon. I just need to clean up my room...or maybe that will wait until I can keep my eyes open. I don't know why everybody wants me up and about. It's not like my life is important - I mean, it is, that's why I'm here; but it just looks so bleak and boring. So really, if I'm going to waste it away, why not waste it away sleeping? At least then I feel healthy.
      Man, I could really go for two or three burgers and a nice big glass of chocolate milk. Or, some chicken and a frosty glass of cold pop. That would be so, so nice. Hell, the only reason I ate today was because my mother's boss paid her a check, which bounced after she cashed it. Now I feel bad for eating because it's illegal food and she could go to jail for his dumb mistake. I really hope they can clear that.
      Oh, what? Looking at me like I'm dumb for posting it here. In Siberia! No one reads this crap. That's what makes it crap.
      Oh, and little pointer: When your drunk mom decides to make a meal, for the love of God, don't eat it. She fried up this Alfredo sauce - yes, fried up, in a frying pan - mixed with these veggies and onions and honestly, it stank like hot vomit. I told her that and I told her I was not going to eat it. Boy, honesty felt great. I am not going to lie about someone's cooking or their hair ever again. It's so nice to get out of my shadow. When my stepfather was around, it was like a prison at home. We couldn't touch the mandolin, or play cards in the den, or in the living room, or laugh, or whistle, or watch anything on television. He was like a really mean Red Forman.
      Oh, God, burgers and chocolate milk sound so gooood! Why, why, why did she park the car for winter? Just because you don't want to pay for insurance, doesn't mean you can't drive. It's not even snowing. She thinks you'll get arrested for not having it. Not only have I never, ever heard of that happening; but Canada doesn't even keep murderers behind bars. Stupid Canada.
      Speaking of murder, I have eight hours to kill before The Big Bang Theory. So, I'm going to bed. Because I'm tired, and life is going in a big circle. To the sound of a drain. Ho, ho, ho.

Are All Men Like This?

      I'm just going to assume that, like all Ken dolls, there is no noticeable difference among my opposite gender. I've come to assumptions now; that's what it's all boiled down to. "Can I meet you?" "Can I have your phone number?" "Can we text?" "Ya like 'em big?"
      I just want to talk to someone nice who isn't trying to get to know me personally. I'm not looking for a one-night stand or anything serious. I do not want a relationship - how many times does that need to be said? Are they stupid? I just want to send an email, get an email, send an email, get an email; and put some damn use to my account. Why is it always about sex, boobs, butts, and thighs with these pigs?
      I want a friend. Someone decent. Someone respectful. Someone who clearly will have to be a female. I'm just getting so tired of guys.
      I'm not looking for a female friend so I can talk about shoes, or hair, or makeup. That shit's boring. I want to talk about how much guys piss us both off, which movies and shows we like, our bucket lists, the universe - things that matter, pun not intended; that was just a neat coincidence.
      I am not looking for a booty call. I am not looking for someone whose only idea of a good time is fooling around. I have no interest in any of that. And all I want is to meet someone who feels the exact same way.