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      I've been watching a Fresh Prince marathon, and there's one episode I don't understand. Season 3, episode 5. Carlton's past girl-friend shows up with a baby she claims is his, and he faints three times with the shock of it. But then he confesses privately to Will that they never had sex. If he knew he was not the father, why the hell would he faint? Why would she have insisted the baby was his? It makes no sense.

      Edit [May 22nd 2018 at 2:45 PM] - I guess what I don't understand the most about this episode is why Carlton and Cindy would elope. They never slept together, so obviously they both know the baby is not his. Obviously, for some reason I can't find, they're lying to Carlton's family members. If it was all for show, why would they have a wedding nobody was invited to?

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      Things are going to get interesting for me in a few days. I bought movies online. Seven of them! It will be so awesome to actually have variety. I think I've bought every movie I like! Now all I have to do is hope they get here in good condition.
      Let me see here. Liar Liar, Memoirs Of A Geisha, What A Girl Wants, and the four Tinker Bell movies I've wanted to own since 2014 - I'm guessing. It's a weird story, how I was introduced to Tinker Bell. Did I look up Disney movies? You'd think that. But I was writing my story, a pointless endeavor as always, and came up with the name Mae Whitman. I Googled it, because I have a reputation of coming up with characters who are actually real. Sure as shit, there she was.
      The Tinker Bell movies do get less charming with every watch, but they were only a few dollars, so I figured what the hell. It'll give me some variety, at last; perfect for nights when I'm tired of what little I've got. Say I can't sleep, or I'm too sick to do anything but lie in bed.
      For the longest time I've had Shrek 1-4, Tangled, and Finding Nemo. That was it. Then I got Ice Age 1-4, and years later Toy Story 1-3, Monsters University and Monsters Inc. Aaaand that was about a year ago now. The longest freakin' year of my entire life.
      I also looked up Sagwa DVDs, but Wikipedia only listed the episodes I can watch for zero cost anytime on YouTube. I want to watch ones I haven't seen in maybe ten years. And Action, The Jade Rabbit, Homesick Jun, and...well, that's pretty much it. The rest are available, but I don't want to buy something I can watch on YouTube. The only reason I bought seven movies is because A.), I've always wanted them, and B.), I am so fed up with all the damn Putlockers - none of which really work. And if they do, you can only watch the episode once...It's easier to spend a couple of bucks and have 'em on my bookshelf. They are long, long movies that my computer can't really handle. YouTube is simple, Sagwa is maybe eleven minutes long. No problem.
      I'm going to have to make room!
      I also bought a gorgeous engagement ring and a ring box, sep-arately. No plans to marry yet, but I'm pretty sure I can make a profit on this.
      I had Liar Liar once. On VHS. Then I babysat this devil child. She ate it. She also covered my favorite sweater in a huge gob of snot; I had to throw it away. Not barehanded. I miss that sweater, but it was not salvageable. Have you ever wanted to find a time machine, travel back to where you were done wrong and slap the faces of those responsible? I didn't, because I was a nice kid. Let's just say that was then.
      I can't wait till my items get here! It's like the only good thing in my life right now. This is what's kept me from, well, slapping faces. That and my brother. Everything I do is for him now. Volunteering to do a thousand dishes? Who really does that?

How Times Change

      ...I'm remembering stuff I hadn't thought of for years. Like the Walkman I used to own. How I would sit on the picnic bench and listen to my CDs from my pocket, thinking it was the coolest thing ever. Or not being able to take the phone to the couch because it was attached to a cord. Or being too afraid to go into the tree house; I don't think I went inside once. I can still remember the ropes of cobweb that stretched from the tree house, to the tire swing, to the other tree. The gobs of silk strung all along the inside of the tire swing.
      I remember making mud pies with my neighbor. We called it "poo goo." We'd have sticky brown fingers every day after school. She ate some. She made a mud pie and she actually ate some.
      I remember the ladybug infestation. Damn, there must have been hundreds. My pet caterpillar, which I named Catapult. The igloo. The garden. All the crickets and frogs we heard every single night. I'd sure love to go back to those nightly sounds. Instead of traffic, sirens, screaming. Guitars at four in the morning.
      What I can't stop remembering are the two times I saw people riding their horses down the street. That was fascinating to me. The farm had a horse, but he was always behind the gate. I don't think I ever saw him being ridden. The landlady didn't have jumps or training posts or anything; I still don't know why she had a horse. Seemed pointless. He didn't pull carts or wagons, far as I know.
      The new litter of puppies. I know one of them was named Oreo, but I can't remember the others. Their mother was Meg, but I never saw her mate. The puppies looked purebred, but I suppose Anna the sheepdog could've just had a tiny penis. Anna might even be a unisex name; I don't know. Anna was too damn hairy for me to tell.
      And all the times I saw my neighbor sitting on the porch floor, peering at me through the screen, waiting for me to finish eating so we could play. It felt nice to have a friend who wanted to have the best of times. Now I'm old, I'm weak. All my grownup friends want to do is sit, drink coffee, basically be the parents who bored us to tears growing up.
      Play-Doh, egg-holding contests, catching frogs, and beetles. Ugh, I remember this one frog. It started twitching in my hand, freaked me the fuck out and I threw it across the yard. Don't worry - Kermit lived. I mean, he's dead now...