Weird, Cool

      I wanted to know who played Chloe's father on Lucifer, so I Googled it―obviously―and found the name Russell Simpson. But, oops, he died in 1959! How could Google even make that mistake, thinking it was Russell and knowing it was Chris Gilbert? That makes no sense!

      And Chloe's dad is married to Maze, so that's kind of cool. In huge news, my mother finally agreed to watch one episode. She didn't appear to like it, but she also said she would watch more. I know if I asked her why, she would blame it on being a Libra, always being balanced. Riiight. Whatever. I'm just impressed she took a chance. Or a leap, as the case may be.

...

       I burned my hand tonight. Ouch. I think if I hadn't set it down as quickly as I did, I might have lost skin. Eeeww.

Should Have Seen That Coming

       I don't know why we didn't remember that every time somebody comes here from PG, they bring a bug. Now my family's sick, and seeing as how I live with them...
      I swear I can feel myself deteriorating. However I am very excited, because I am all caught up on Chicago Med. I reached my goal! Now I'm waiting for the next episode to air. I didn't think I'd be able to do it. Yay me! And it seems I've immortalized my book in time, because my computer's dying. Apparently it was close to catching fire just like the last one. My brother took it apart to air-dust the inside and said there were spider webs. Gross...

      My perfect life? Lots of pizza and chicken, a lot of cats, preferably on a tropical blue island, and no spiders. I fail to see how they're "a link in the structure of life" or however they say it. Okay, so no silk, if we count silkworms. And I do, believe me. If it can drop down on a sticky thread that just won't let go, I want it gone. No silk clothing, big deal. Life ain't breaking down. There's cotton, fiber, nylon, polyester, you can use a material besides silk to make satin, which is close enough. But oh no! No disgusting, eight-legged night-mares? How will I live?

      Very well, believe me. I'd much rather die than encounter one more big-ass wolfie. My worst nightmare is several of those, shooting around the room at lightning speed. I'd probably die of fright, and good luck finding that on the autopsy.

      But they updated my game, which now includes tornadoes, volcanoes and wildfires, so that's cool... It would be really cool if there was like a mortality risk. "Oh no! You failed as a parent! Respawn."

...

       My day didn't start out well; running on no sleep, I had to go downtown. Typical. I never sleep on payday. Then it just got worse! I got a headache, and general soreness all over. Went to my bank, withdrew, went to the store (apparently one guy was really checking out my hair, which is very close to my knees now). Tried to pass off as a human being, right? So I'm loading up the cab with groceries, and my hair decides to just spill all over the place. It got caught on everything and I yanked it so many times. Then I almost dropped the orange juice, which likely would have exploded and destroyed the driver's car. And then I bashed my head. Finally got home and realized my bra was only half-on, and the strap was hanging out of my sleeve.

      Shit. Worst day I've had in...ever? Anyway, I was so miserably exhausted that everything sounded weird, so I guzzled my energy drink and downed five sugar cookies. Hell, I've never felt attractive to begin with. I just want the energy to make it to my bed.

      The good news is, my brother got a spare keyboard, which he hooked up to my computer. I'm typing, and finally, the people who call from Egypt won't be able to comment on how quickly I type. But I was staying within my limits and reading the box. The product is actually terribly described; listen to this. "Pull back the spring design,rebound ligh delicate and comfortable touch Effective control of the space bar rebound. Durable UV character, durable UV character,wear-resisting."

      Don't capitalize whole words in the middle of your paragraphs, remember to hit the space bar, the word light ends in a T, and I don't know why you keep saying rebound. I wasn't in a relationship with my old keyboard.

      These people really need me. Anyway the new mouse is extremely mobile, so I put it on the wiping cloth for my glasses because I haven't had a pad in ages. I should get a pad. Oooh, I wonder if I can get one with a skull on it! Probably, yeah. I also picked up two new shirts which I have yet to try on. I can barely raise my left arm, it hurts so bad; but I'm actually looking forward to seeing if they fit. I hope so. The store didn't have any changing rooms, and I don't have the courage to just start taking my clothes off in front of everyone... But I was given a 30-day allowance to return the items.

      I hate shopping, but I grabbed them in five minutes. I was actually hoping to replace an old shirt, but I swear it was one of a kind. Google has been useless. I haven't seen that shirt in forever and I'm pissed; it was my favorite one. Seems like somebody just stole it from me and used it to mop up a puddle or something.

      And I seem to be getting over my issues! Yay me. The whole getting ghosted by someone who said he never would, the comment about being slapped. I think I'm moving on. God, I hope so. I didn't want to live with myself. And I know I did nothing wrong. Liked him, loved him, supported him, gave him space. Got carsick, like a demon. I'm not really mad anymore, but it still boggles my mind. Hitting someone because they don't travel well has the same logic as hating someone for not having your skin tone. Just saying.

      Oh, I love this keyboard. I can type and think at the same time. In other news, my mother's boyfriend gave me 16 books that just don't appeal. It's about spaceships, and queens, and whatever a tree cat is. Lot of fights in space in these books. I said they read back as Star Wars for the Amish, then I happened to see that the name of one of the ships was in fact Vulcan. Weird, right?

      I also extended the offer to read a stranger's book because he was down on having no audience. He doesn't know me, the connection again is through my mother's boyfriend. My mother described it as Harry Potter style, and given the books they thought I liked, I've been dreading this whole thing... But, if I help him, then maybe he'll help me. That's sort of a cool prospect. I have one friend on my Facebook who is a published author who's even traceable on the internet, but even she is always grasping for reviews and ratings.

      I have another Facebook friend who is a musician in a band. I suppose that's as close to the limelight as I'll ever get. I like my privacy, but not so much the loneliness. Every time I go to Wal-Mart, I'm reluctant to leave. I hate shopping, but there's people there. I always thank my drivers and cashiers and tell them to have a good day, but today I said my first hello to a pedestrian. Just because she was smiling.

      Everybody's so angry lately. Racist, and homophobic, overly supportive of the transgender stuff. Or they just have some superiority complex, hating everybody equally. I got used to hearing about white people getting pushed, or run over, so now it surprises me to see one white person attacking another. I wish nobody would care about the outside. I wish they would all shut up. I don't care if they are supportive―or opposed. There are so many more things to live for, and these days everybody just wants to hurt everybody else.

      I'm trying so hard to be nice. I don't know if it's worth it. I watch TV and see a cast of all colors, smiling and talking and supporting. I see it on live news. I know it's out there. But why can't it be local? Why can't it be current, instead of just...old videos that were once live? It's like something broke in everybody's minds all at once.

      I guess the best news of all is, I can go to bed anytime I want. Don't have to go out tomorrow. I will either not sleep or have a nightmare that will make me want to not sleep ever again, but it hardly matters. I know as soon as I lay down, like magic, I'll be wide awake.

      Maybe I'll give Benadryl another chance. The way I feel right now, something's gotta give. My wrist seems to have healed; it recently hurt so, so, so, so bad. I actually had to pick it up with my other hand when I was trying to stand up, because I couldn't just take it off the desk. I still have a bruise that goes halfway up my arm, but it feels great. It's so good to lock the bathroom door without having to bend my body instead of turning my hand. That pain didn't last long, not like this stinging sensation behind my ear. That's been going on for months; even ice hurts. I think about the hospital sometimes, but I'm so phobic about my past. And Covid.

      It's not that terrible. I'll soldier through. To feeling better, to my death. I honestly don't care. Really, all my energy goes into keeping my head up.

...

       I have the opportunity to go to Prince George this week to see family. Tempting, but I've decided to stay. I don't do well on a 10-minute car ride and PG's 10 hours away. My cousin volunteered to drive my mother and me, and my mother wanted my answer today. When I explained why, she said, and I quote, "I wish you could get over it. I'd slap it out of you."

      Seriously? She doesn't want to slap my brother for getting carsick. And I bet my ass, she wouldn't want to get slapped for being in pain.

      Fuck. My. Life. Cannot wait for her to go to PG.

Medspeak

       I'm really enjoying Chicago Med. I'm on season 6 of 9...so far. They are still making it, and I hope one day I'll be all caught up, waiting for the next. If they finish before that happens, that's okay, too. It's not my goal, but it's okay. I'm binging as much as I can. And finally learning military time because of it.

      Daniel's still my favorite. He is so funny. In season 5 episode 7, they get a patient who believes he is a vampire. Dan plays along and says, "You must be getting hungry...want me to call the blood bank?"

      Later on in the same episode, Halstead says, "Since hepatitis is transmitted through bodily fluids, probably got it from having sex with his girlfriend," and Dan quips, "Or sucking her blood. Yikes."

      Fucking love that guy. YES!! I just read he's in Chicago Fire. I've watched clips of that, too, which is how I initially got invested in Med. I wasn't sure about Fire, but if he's in it, I'll definitely be checking it out.

      Meanwhile, I had another couple of bizarre dreams. I dreamt that I was pretty, and people were actually looking at me. I dreamt that my mother wanted me to drive an ambulance and respond to this woman's 911 call, but I was just me, not a paramedic. And I dreamt that I had a closet where my TV is, and it had a hole in it, so I could look out into the living room and watch TV from my closet.

      So weird. I've been using Benadryl to help me fall asleep like I did when I was a kid. Google says it will lower the quality of my sleep. But I think the quality of my sleep is so low that the Benadryl actually raises it up to the level of bad. And I sleep better.

      Which reminds me, I was going to do that when I got home. I wasn't downtown for long, picked up my taxes, went to the 24-store to grab a Pepsi, but oh man, that turned out to be hard! In my advanced age, I don't do so well on hills, and I finally get to the top, limp all the way over to the bus stop about 100 feet away (I'm terrible with estimates, measurements, and math in general) and wait for about 15 minutes; then this (really handsome) older gentleman stops his construction work, crosses the road to inform me that I have to go back down the hill, cross the road, and walk even further than 100 feet (or whatever) to get to where the buses have been re-routed.

      Uggh. At least the scenery was nice... He even had blue eyes. I tried looking up Oliver Platt's eye color; did not go well. Apparently they're brown, green, gray, blue, hazel, and black. Umm...yeah, I'm not sure about that?

      My favorite character in Lucifer is Daniel, too. Last guy who wanted to date me? Daniel. Of course he ghosted me too, so whatever. It's okay, only Dan I need treats vampires. I laughed so hard when he said that, and just when I thought I couldn't love his character more, he goes and gets a Hawaiian pizza, my favorite! And he knows it's from my country. Awesome.

      I've also been on more of a Nightwish kick than usual, looking up Floor's live performances, and damn! Her version of Sleeping Sun is gorgeous. And Ghost Love Score, which I've probably heard 30 times this week. Oohhh, a Chicago Med Nightwish video.

      I think I'll queue up the next episode and grab my pop. Dan has a stalker, apparently. It's not me, I love him in a safe way. I mean, an intense way, but safe. I know it's a show and I just want to keep her away from him. 😂 But he makes it to the end, I know it. I had to know it; without him the show would be, meh, okay. Who would deliver the blood bank line without him?

      And he's so composed. The only time he smiles is when he's looking a psychopath in the eyes. Probably trying to communicate, I don't know. I'm not a shrink. I actually hate shrinks, but I've made an exception. I'd love it if he did me. Evaluated me.

      I like Maggie next best, then Halstead, then Natalie―although she annoys the hell out of me. Not because she's annoying, but because she is too nice. I guess her worst quality is that she wonders if she's rude, an "ice queen." She can't get any sweeter, and she's shopping for honey. She reminds me that I'm not too nice anymore.

      But Maggie...wow. Choi is a hardass. He's a military man, his punch knocked a man across the room, he's actually pretty scary. He kept telling Maggie to "clear" and she kept hanging onto the patient's arm, looking him right in the eyes, not flinching, to honor the patient's wishes. I liked her almost immediately, but now she's awesome.

      Oh, yeah! Right. Next episode. Okay. NOW.

      Edit (2:45): Halstead's a Checkers player! These are my people!!

...

       I just got caught up on The Ones Who Live. Rick and Michonne walk by a spinning display shelf and for just one second, I could see his name. Seriously? I took a break from Chicago Med to get away from it. It's one of two reasons, actually; I wanted to see Judith and Rick reunite. Turns out, no big deal. Could have been, if it was done better. That RJ kid sounded like a zombie. "I just believed." Yaaawwn.
      Thinking of deleting my chat with the guy. I thought we had some good times, but apparently it was all in my head. Might go OTR in the end after all. I stuck around for him and my female friend, both of whom just...let me down.

    I don't know why I bother. Guess I'll just live for music. And dreams. I actually had a really cool one; I met this German guy―I never actually learned the language, but it sounded pretty damn good in my head. He spoke English but he still had this awesome accent... Go, brain.