Untitled

      Today I reached the end of my patience and got a haircut. Ten, eleven inches, gone. It always got so tangled, and combing it out would make me lose a fistful. I dreaded every shampoo, never wanted to even brush it. I would either pin it up or just let it hang, like a greasy nest. Must've been some sight, with my fuzzy Bazinga pants and my fuzzy plaid housecoat.
      I feel human again, and not nearly as depressed.

.

      I've been watching Shrek again, of course, and several things stuck out. In the first movie, they find the Magic Mirror. As soon as they pull off the blanket, the face appears. Why? Did he materialize to see who it was, or could he not control it? Also, where would they stumble across a Magic Mirror anyway? We all know Donkey gets conked on the head by Tinkerbell's jar, so maybe it was the same Magic Mirror she messed up her wish on.
      Furthermore, in Shrek 2, first off how do Sergeant Pompous and the Fancypants even know where to find Princess Fiona? She hasn't gone to Far Far Away yet, so the other princesses introduced to us in Shrek The Third can't give directions. Yet they somehow know the princess lives in a swamp. Maybe they talked to the Magic Mirror, too. He can pull up an image of her in her tower, without (I assume) ever traveling there, so it's the only logical conclusion.
      And here's some quotes. When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother, who had them lock the young princess away. Fairy Godmother said only true love's kiss could break Fiona's curse.
      I'm picturing Rumpelstiltskin running rampant long before the events of Shrek Forever After, perpetually hiring witches to ruin Fiona's life; not knowing that he essentially causes Shrek and Fiona to meet. With this assumption, Fairy Godmother is innocent of Fiona's curse; but, what if she created Rumpelstiltskin? What if she was the witch, but learned magic so she wouldn't be green like the creatures she was trying to kill? It seems plausible she would want to create a magician to carry on her evil legacy; Prince Charming seems to know nothing about magic. How else would Rumpel-stiltskin get his hands on magical contracts?
      And what about that alternate universe? Is each individual in it just there because Shrek signed a contract? Or did they all sign con-tracts? On the one hand, Rumpelstiltskin refers to Shrek as the guy that made all this possible. But on the other hand, the alternate characters are signing their own contracts, implying they are not there just because of Shrek.
      I could go on and on and on...But unfortunately I got zero sleep last night. Life has gone to hell in a hand basket. Day and night, it's just laughable. Only without any of the joy.

Untitled

      Well, my game no longer works. It might be fixed, but I don't have the heart to delete it. Since it's an offline version, there is no place my progress will be saved. But I know the game still exists, because the other server is still functional. I think there's just a limit on how many times you can use it.
      And I was playing Checkers just now, and I was a few moves away from winning, and I lost connection. Oh, I was mad.
      But my other game is going well. And, so is my book! I mean, it's probably still crap, but I'm actually on chapter EIGHT!!!!! And my character is all dressed up for Halloween. She's got the broom, the witch dress, the hat, everything. She looks so evil. I looked for a Christmas get-up, too, but that probably won't come in until December. I just hope the holiday costumes don't disappear after the holidays, because I don't want to buy them each year.
      And in my other two games, I'm nearing 11,000 gems. I'm vir-tually unstoppable!
      I was writing a fanfic about Monsters Inc., though, and I came up with a saying for the Halloween game. Sweet screams! Isn't that cute? I also considered Good fright...but no, I like Sweet screams better.

Writer's Block

      Here I sit, stuck again! My plot is so simple, but I've been writing part one, page one for thirteen years and I'm nowhere near...page two. My goal? Quality over quantity. But ten billion pages of utter crap is so much easier to write than five pages of gold.
      Tempted to give up, again. But I know what'll happen. I'll piss and moan at my incompetence, then continue to write. I'll pat myself on the back and say it's an improvement, look at it one more time and get tempted to give up...It's a vicious circle. I'm wasting my whole life!
      I think I need a team. Otherwise I'll die having accomplished nothing. I'll always want to be a writer, but I don't want to want it anymore. It's too hard on my own. I don't think I can do this without help. Know anyone who wants a coauthor? >.<

...

      It's been nice, playing my favorite game again; but the download site misled me about several things. They said treasure hunts and races will not be rewarded (they said the same thing about pursuits, but I never do those; however based on how much they've gotten wrong, I would think everything is rewarded). I've been winning a lot of Speed Boost, but unfortunately all the cars are now only sold by IGC. There's only one way to use the SB; the power-up console. I had 28,900 or something SB, and each 15-pack of Nitrous only costs 100, so that was a lot of clicking. But, I now have almost 5000 bursts of speed!
      They said nothing about the fifteen extra gems, and they certainly didn't mention that the game still includes holiday additions like Oktoberfest and the haunted graveyard. (I actually won a Braaains edition car, but I accidentally sold it a day later. Oh well; my other car is faster, turns sharper, and comes with lights). That being said, I really hope winter comes to the golf course!
      I still have to earn over a million IGC if I want that cop car. It was a nice dream, but I think I'll just cruise and collect. If I get my ACR, fine; if I don't, I'm sure the fire truck sirens blasting in my ear will be an adequate sound effect. The only reason I bought an ACR in the first place was so that I could fly screaming past other players. Now I'm playing an offline demo.
      But the dreams are back, so that's awesome. I had a really vivid one. It was so real I didn't even know the difference. This time there were no dinosaurs trying to kill all the players, and I wasn't walking, plucking gems by hand. I just drove off ramps with my friends and met new people.
      Several months back I posted on the forums as my old persona, asking my friends to add me. I really hoped at least one person would. But nobody did.
      Well, guess I should call for a taxi; got some shit to take care of. See ya.

The Nerd Cabinet

      A couple of days ago I bought the last season I needed of The Big Bang Theory. It looks so beautiful, taking up the majority of the shelf. In a way I'm looking forward to the show's end; not because I want it to be over but because I'm looking forward to completing my collection.
      It's going to feel so good. I wish all odds and ends could be straightened out at the cost of twenty-five bucks.
      Looks like my wrist might heal before I get my results. It was sure pink for awhile. I can actually straighten my hand now without crying or screaming. I can't bend it upward yet, but I had a feeling the test results would be slow. It was the only time I, as the patient, wanted to be wrong.

A Long Short While

      It's been a bad two days. I haven't slept because a very fast spider is hiding somewhere in my room. Since she's not home I thought I would try my mom's room, but saw a spider (which turned out to be a leatherjacket caught in a web) in there. And of course there was a spider in the kitchen, which opens right up into the living room. Long story short, I was wide awake imagining spiders and floating webs.
      That alone makes a rough night for me. On top of all of it, I sprained my wrist, or broke it, or something. I can see my bone sticking up and it hurts like nothing else. And my minor trembling has gotten so bad, I'm scared to hold a drink. I suppose I could learn to hold a cup with my feet, but uh...gross. No matter how much I scrub them, I could never...Well, I guess it doesn't matter one bit! I can't bend that way. (Dodged a bullet there.)
      So, I'm doing everything single-handedly now. Turns out I'm pretty clumsy with my left hand. Tried to play my game and spent most of it slamming into walls and traffic, trying to turn one way and surprising myself by turning the other. I might as well have been sitting on the keyboard.
      And now comes the fun part: Shopping. Please, can't I call it a day?

On A Cloud

      The gamer in me is ecstatic! A couple of hours ago I decided to take the risk of installing some files from an unknown source, and bam, now I can access the entire map of Need For Speed World. Several things are different; they added fifteen gems to the treasure quest, and I can't see any other players. And I will have to do a lot of racing to earn the cash to get my Viper ACR back. But, I snatched up my old persona, got a free car that goes extremely fast (also a Viper), and I went to all the good places. Fortuna, Rockport, the stadium, Rosewood. It was...better than a chocolate supply that never runs out.
      I just wish I'd taken this chance two years ago! Then I'd have my cop car back by now. But I am going to enjoy every moment it takes; and if they close the beta before I can get there, I won't even complain. I'm just...so thrilled.
      It took quite awhile to get the download done. Or maybe it just felt like awhile because a leatherjacket flew into the candle and I had to smell it decompose. Now all I smell is something extremely sweet. Like frosted cake. Definitely better than burning guts and hair.
      I can't wait to play again! The game looked...beautiful tonight. The lights were redder, the car was shinier. On second thought, I did have the graphics turned up high; that must be it.
      My cop car will cost one million six hundred. I have a little over two hundred forty something thousand something. I've got a long journey...But it's my favorite game, so I don't care!

I Didn't Know What To Call This Blog, So I Called It This

      So the problem has been fixed...for now. So we already have our water back! I'm almost glad we can wash our dishes again.
      But my spacebar key is really sticking! I have to really punch it. Guess I need to take it apart and see what the hell's going on.

Here We Are And Here We Go Again

      Well, the water to our pipes have been shut off for several days while they try to fix our pipes. I've been seeing more of both brothers lately, and during one of my distant one's visits, the pipes and all the sewage they contained broke again in our neighbor's unit. So all of it ended up on his floor, in his shower...Ick. So this time rather than mask the problem they're trying to actually cure it, and they better.
      Yesterday I went to Abbotsford with my brothers, my sister-in-law and her 130-pound Akita, the ass of whom was pressed into my rib the whole time. God, that hurt. And stank. I also went shopping with my friend, who had to cut the trip short when she started feeling dizzy and hot. Hope she's alright. I stupidly grabbed her groceries along with my own and had to call her back, but she seemed to be in much better spirits after sitting in front of her AC...which I am so glad works. It's weird; you get into a car so absolutely hot, you don't even realize it and you have both cooled off until you go back outside.
      Anyway, talking to myself is getting boring again, so I'm going to go concoct a milkshake and play some Sims 2! It's still early, so all that strenuous, horribly unfun thing known as work can wait. On a good day I'd still be in bed...

...,

      I went out with my sister-in-law. She didn't have a clue to get to Wal-Mart. So guess who got us there! And home again! I even got all the right products, too. I was on fire...without that burning flesh smell.
      She and my brother are coming back in maybe four hours. I think today is the last time. It would have been nice if they could have spent the nights here, too; but they wanted a playmate for their dog, or something. Weird reason not to be with your family. Whatever. My friend arranged to come see me, then went camping a day earlier than she was supposed to. So...yeah, whatever.

Story Wars

      Okay, in my defense I've seen Toy Story 2 twice in four, five years; so of course it's taken me awhile to clue in. I knew a long time ago that Buzz, in the first movie, gives Woody the Live long and prosper, and of course I knew that in the second one, Zurg absurdly tells Buzz he's his father (somehow).
      But I was trying to take a nap (night shift nurse here, thank you very much) and suddenly, finally, it clicked. Zurg wants to destroy a planet, just like Darth Vader. They both have glowing yellow eyes, a deep raspy voice, and capes. Buzz is the spaceman who wants to stop him, so technically Jessie is his Princess Leia.
      Wonder if Darth Vader has a spy hole?
      I always muted it during these parts. I never understood why they would include the mere notion that a toy could father another. I thought it was just a stupid, pointless quote they threw in there to add some time to the length of the movie. I knew there were two (at least) Star Wars references in the movies, but I didn't think the crew was nerdy!

The Usual

      Up late again, taking care of you-know-who. Little Miss Zero Manners. She demanded I make corn, complained for two minutes, then told me to dump it and try again. I couldn't, because that was the last of it. If she hadn't complained and just eaten, she would've at least gotten more into her stomach before the bug decided to commit suicide and do a nosedive into her bowl.

      Wonder what Princess Lippy will want next. My guess? Please and thank-you are not in the forecast. Adverse weather conditions indeed, Sid...

Hm.

      I've been doing some serious movie marathons lately. Of course, the Shrek franchise was included. And the irony finally hit me. You know where Fiona messed up the most? Okay, so Dragon roars, and she incredulously asks, "You didn't slay the dragon??"
      And I'm sitting there, like, "No, he broke through the stone roof on purpose; it's called making an entrance."
      And then there's Shrek's blunder. "How about the day I met Donkey? Now there's a day I'd like to take back!"
      Even if Stiltskin had taken that day from Shrek, he'd still be in the same boat, not knowing Fiona. Because without Donkey, Shrek wouldn't have found Farquaad's tower.

...

      Last night I finally put a different game into the GameCube machine, switching it up from Shrek Smash 'N Crash Racing to Shrek 2. I'm great at compromises, aren't I? And I finally made it to the part where Fiona gets stolen. I learned how to control Dragon, but I always got stuck at the same part. Ten times. Finally I shut it off, but I was so happy I made it as far as I did.
      And some other weird stuff happened in SSCR. Like one of those Farquaad boxes just disappearing. It had the sparkly cloud thing you see when it gets run into, but I was in first place. Nobody had hit it. And my frog balloon flew waaay too high; it was just a speck on the screen. I knew it wasn't dirt because I saw it die. I also saw a castle guard get airborne.
      Last night I also planned my book. For once my writing was aligned at the side. Normally it leans. It still looked like a child wrote it, with a foot, but at least the edge was tidy. The plan seems easy enough, but each time I write it, it's another dis-appointment. Big surprise. Think I might just call it quits for the fourth day in a row and just watch some Toy Story. However I have been stuck on the first sentence in the first chapter on the first page for about seven years now...I think I should just accept what a total failure I am. Maybe I'm meant for something else. Or maybe I've made it too complicated. But complicated doesn't mean im-possible, does it?
      Well, for me it might. I'm dreading the next few days of my life just because I need to walk down to the bank, and then figure out this bus schedule because my mom relies on me...for some reason. I don't know why she can't just call the number right there on the paper and make sure we won't get lost. It is never a good idea to trust me. It is always, however, a good idea to trust the people who are confident they know what the hell they're doing.
      Had a yucky dream last night. I've had it before. I went for a jog in my day clothes, even though it was snowing and there was half a foot on the ground. Climbed a hill and realized a cop was chasing a gunman on foot. When the gunman went down the hill, I climbed up and for some reason, my hand bumped into a light switch on the tree. I thought for sure the gunman would kill me, but no, he took off his own head. And there it was, just looking at me.
      I prefer the dream before that one, where my family and I got separated in this massive building, filled with nothing but toilets and hallways and empty rooms. There were balconies everywhere and I stood on one, watching this baseball game from the other side of a large chain link wall kind of thing. I know why that was in my dream; I've been hit in the head with too many baseballs and even my dream self was skittish. But we ended up at that building after a bus ride and a bear sighting, and called the building a campus, so I'm pretty sure that was because I've seen Monsters University about fifteen times. Ten, since I bought it last month. I just can't get tired of it.
      I am getting tired of being awake, however; and I do need to wash my hair before The Big Day. I know the walk will be good for me...I just don't wanna. It's been really fucking hot, and I just don't feel safe here. I can't. And something I don't believe my family, the reason I'm going in the first place, hasn't taken into account is that with both of us gone, our wheelchair-bound mother will be alone. Can't trust her to be alone, either. What if she falls, or gets hurt, or...wants to drive and has nobody here to stop her?
      She often speaks of wanting to drive drunk. My best argument is that if she hits a car carrying a pregnant woman, she could very well cause a miscarriage; and seeing as how she had nine of them, how rude it would be of her to inflict it upon another woman. I don't want to be petty, but I do want her to stop and think. I want an answer besides Who the hell cares? So on the other hand, maybe a walk with my brother would be nice.

Could Have Stayed In Bed

      At midnight, my brother wrote an advance note, saying "Gone for tubes 5:45". At one, my mom woke up, saw the note and freaked out, saying it was a big, bold lie and that Satan was working through him - and through me, because I didn't see what the big deal was. Sixteen hours later she's still giving him the silent treatment, not even courteous enough to answer questions.
      She wanted to get in the car and go, and not come back. I was so tired and fed up that I thought, hey, you know what, if she gets pulled over and fails a breath test, maybe she'll learn some responsibility. Even so, I stayed up for yet another night, waiting for sounds, looking out the window. I didn't think she'd act, and I was right. But to use her words, he's "the biggest liar ever and such a traitor, the prick." Poor guy. I never thought he and I would be on the same team. It always used to be Mom and me. But last night she called me a dumbass bitch, so I think she's going to be kicked out soon. It's alright, she has a place to go. So do Lorne and I. It's just so weird. She preached such integrity back in the day, always wanted to do the right thing, and now she's letting this, if not making this, happen.
      All I can say is, good. You know what? I'm ready for change. I just don't want things to be the same in 2018 as they are now. Because chair padding can't be dented. Because you can't use the shredder. Because you can't type fast like I do. Otherwise you will be cussed out. It's ridiculous.
      And she wonders why I stay in bed...

Hmph...

      Well, Mom's talking about suicide again. I can't help but wonder if it's the only way to ease her suffering. Every doctor, every ER says she's perfectly healthy; but she's still vomiting, fainting, for-getting where she is, and now she's having accidents, too. And I don't mean on the road.
      I mean, how would I feel in her shoes? I've wanted to die when I was perfectly healthy, just because my life was going in circles. But if I started vomiting on and off for 4 weeks, fainted behind the wheel and in public, made a mess on myself - wouldn't I want to commit suicide, too?
      I'm always saying how very much I want to choose how I die. I don't want to die at the hands of a stranger. I sure don't want to die in a hospital. I want to die when I'm ready, and I don't want to be saved because I only want to die once.
      And now I hear somebody else, somebody I love, speaking the same way. It's frightening to be on the other side of the situation. But I understand it. We don't even want our dogs and cats to suffer. We shoot horses for broken legs. Yet we lock up people who are ready to die, call them crazy, and let them wallow in self pity; cutting off most social interaction and deeming them unfit to be around.
      Humans are cruel and hypocritical. You know, all our lives we're told we need to make our own choices. When it comes to the biggest one, the most important one, it's taken away. And we're locked up and put on medications because we tried to think for ourselves.
      I'm not trying to sound callous. Of course I don't want my mother to die. But even more, I don't want her to suffer.
      Am I the only one?

Nerdified

      I went shopping with a previous neighbor the other day, and she graciously offered to take me to any store. I asked if we could go to Wal-Mart and, as usual, I flew on over to electronics and skimmed through the selection. And there, sitting on the shelf for the low price of fifteen dollars, were the first four Star Trek movies. I know my brother talks about it, plays the games, quotes it, and so on, so I picked it up for him. I saw the scene where human emotions are implemented into Data's robotic brain, and I saw him say Oh shit and laugh uncontrollably until he fell down...
      Well, now I have the theme song stuck in my head. I'm afraid I might one day start thinking it's not so bad after all. Or worse - understand what Sheldon's been talking about all this time. I feel like Penny, when she realizes the guys' nerdy ways have gotten to her.

WHYbrows

Take a look at some of the world's worst photos...

You should feel good about yourself. Unless you were featured.

Initiative

      Normally, when loved ones go down I am such a coward. I basically hide and wait for it to be over. Not because I don't care, but because I have no damn idea what to do. I totally panic. Today my mom and I were out for a walk, and her legs kind of just melted away. I started to panic, and then I just did what I had to do. I told her I was calling 911, and then I did. I went with her to the hospital, called for help when her IV exploded, I even wandered around while she rested.
      But I still couldn't look at her bruised arms. It's so colorful; I've literally seen those shades in a painting. I spoke to the paramedics, nurses and other patients. Three elderly men were so nice and helpful. They reminded me of the elderly man who asked to help me to the car when I broke my toe. He could barely walk himself, and he wanted to help a stranger. I'll never forget him. His name was Grant.
      It's the good deeds, the little ones, that can make you forget how cruel this world can be. And some people are so good, they shouldn't even be here.

      Quick edit; during my walk around the hospital I found my way from one entrance to the other, where I saw the gift shop. It was closed, but I saw these signs in the window and they made me laugh:
1.) Life is no damn fairy tale...If you lose your shoe at midnight, you're probably drunk.
2.) I haven't spoken to my wife in 6 months...I don't want to interrupt her.
3.) If a man is alone in the forest, and no woman is around to hear him speak, is he still wrong?

What Happened And What's Going On

      Title's a Walking Dead reference, but it seems appropriate. I just need to get this off my chest. I didn't get any sleep last night, and I was not in the mood to go downtown. Mom noticed this and told me to sleep, and I was just too happy to oblige. I wanted a deep, restful sleep so I applied a nice thick layer of Vicks, and I was out like a light.
      Now, here's where it gets...interesting? I was out cold, so out of it that I didn't even hear it when my mom's boyfriend showed up and, seeing how pathetically drunk she was, started yelling at her. Remember, I'm just quoting my brother here, but Mom's boyfriend said something like she was ruining the family, and she needed to quit drinking right now. (She didn't.) My brother then told her she was not allowed to drive anymore. Not allowed! I understand their frustration, I feel it too. But she's the parent; she doesn't take orders from us. Even if I expected her to because I was such a betch, she is not obligated to act like my daughter. She is, first and foremost, my roommate. What she does impacts my life - hard - and if I'm sick of it, I can just move out.
      The temptation is there, don't get me wrong; but she's sixty years old and about sixty-five pounds. She's frail, she's weak, she's old, and she's sick. She's been vomiting and fainting lately. How good would I feel about myself if I took off at what is probably the worst time of her life?
      Then again...there is the other way of looking at it. She can go through one bottle of wine a day, plus however many shots she has on her dates. My brother proved to us all that alcoholic beverages will strip away your potassium. So as long as she's drinking, she's only causing herself more harm. But she won't stop drinking. Even if she has to choose between her boyfriend and her booze, I don't think she'll take a lot of time to consider. All I see coming of this whole confrontation is the three of us splitting up - and she and her boyfriend, too.
      I hate him. If I saw him dying of thirst and I had just bought the last Coke, I would feel a little unhappy about sharing. But he does care for my mom, and if it meant she would give up her alcohol, I would put up with him. Every day, she cracks open the wine, sometimes as early as noon. She staggers around, spilling every-where, repeating herself, refilling her glass until she is too drunk to wake up again. Then she wakes up around eight or nine and repeats the whole process. It's painful to watch, and on nights like tonight, where she makes me refill the glass for her, I really really hate myself for listening to my mother.
      She needs an intervention or something. This madness has got to stop. She's always saying how wonderful life is. If she meant it, she wouldn't burn through life drunk; she'd savor it. It wouldn't be a problem if she were actually happy. And maybe she's not actually happy because of the hell she puts herself through. If she would let the potassium pills do their job, she might actually start living again.
      The main reason I want her to stop drinking that swamp-scented poison is because whenever she drinks it, which is always, she starts talking about suicide. I don't know what she wants. Life is wonderful, I should jump off a bridge. Should I believe her when she's sober and clear-headed, or drunk and honest?
      This whole thing is incredibly hard to watch, day in and day out; it's always the same. The only thing I know for sure is how much it would pain her own parents to see what their daughter is like. My brother and my mom's boyfriend are ready to butt heads with her. I'm just not sure I'd be a good soldier. I'm weak and unheard, and nobody takes me seriously. Not even my...room-mates.
      I just miss the days when she and I were friends. I could tell her a secret and it would be safe. I could share a problem and she would help look for the answer. I miss that. Now she's just a stranger, with a bottle in her hand. Couple of years ago, my aunt came over, and my mom was so drunk that she didn't even recognize her own sister. She kept saying, "Who's he? Who's that guy?"
      Now that same aunt is back in town, staying at a hotel because once again, Mom's drunk. Probably didn't care to be insulted again. She knows now, just how much booze my mom can drink in a night. The look on her face. I don't know why she insists on coming over, but I envy that she gets to leave.
      I sometimes kind of get the sense that she's trying to annoy us all.

I Did It!

      I've reached my goal of 10,000 coins! I feel so proud. And I know now what I'm going to do with it all - lockbox keys, right away, because I've won a lot of money before; and I need more to buy enough ammunition to take down the Mechalon and unlock the other levels. I just wanted to commemorate this moment! You know, it was my first goal since I bought my computer in like, 2012.

 

       8,000 more coins - roughly - and I'll be able to clean out the lockboxes completely! But now I know I can do it. I just hope it all works out. But, hey, I can afford over 175 - they can't all be the same thing, can they?

 

Edit {June 24th, 2017 at 5:22 PM} - Still don't have the courage to spend it all. I'm rethinking this. It feels amazing to have collected this much. My Achievements page says I have collected over a million in total, but I spent a lot before. Well, look at my funds now. Impressive. I wish there was a place where it said who the richest players were! I think I'd make the cut for once!

Yay!

      I am only 200 coins away now from achieving my goal! I wish it were real, and therefore so very much more important, to everyone, but since I can't have actual success I'll happily settle for virtual. I just don't know what I'll do with it all once I've got it.
      In other news, my new DVD player and remote control work great. It feels amazing to suddenly be able to pause or get to the desired episode without needing to get up and push the same button forty times (I could only jump from one scene to the next before). And suddenly I can rewind and fast forward, too; not to mention skip all those episodes I've already seen. I could actually finish my Animorphs marathon from two months ago! After awhile, the episodes would start to skip, and one minute they're at the restaurant, and boom, they're at the hospital asking Edelman what a Yeerk is. Not a single moment of material in the middle, and all because I spent every moment the DVD player was working just trying to jump scenes.
      Aaaand, I was able to sleep the whole night again without Vicks. I have never been happy this long before!

Edit {June 23rd, 2017 at 7:15 PM} - Sweeeeet! I've been very, very busy and now I'm only 35 coins away from 10,000. I was hoping to achieve my goal today, but I've done every level already; there's nothing left to do so I have to wait until tomorrow. But, it's right around the corner, is it not?

Advantages Of Boredom

      I'm still playing Shrek Smash 'N Crash almost daily. Yesterday or the day before (or two days ago, I really can't tell), I was controlling Dragon, and she actually flipped upside down after a jump and kept going forward on her head. I don't know, maybe she has a secret pair of legs in there.
      I've also noticed several more mistakes in movies. In Toy Story 1, Buzz and Woody are fighting in the parking lot, right? Then a truck comes along. Buzz leaps forward, to an area in front of Woody. Seconds later, he's shown behind him. And if all memories of Elsa's power was erased, how come Anna is still singing about building a damn snowman?

Edit {June 22nd 2017 at 8:15 AM}: I played again last night; I don't know how I was passing the time before. Suburbs Of Far Far Away. The game's already ended and I'm watching the characters zip by, and of course the guard starts chasing them. And he lifts up into the air. His legs are still running, but he's flying. So, yeah, we have a winged creature using her head as feet, and a human acting like a winged creature. What's next?

Damn It.

      What a sh*tty day it's been...The sewage line backed up for one of our neighbors. Literally everything everyone has put down the toilet recently is just...all over his suite. So now none of us can flush; I guarantee you the toilet paper collecting inside the bowl is going to flood the damn thing. No showers, no hair-washing, no tooth-brushing, no dishwashing, no laundry-washing, and no relief until tomorrow.
      Ugh. Thankfully we have hand wipes and sanitizer...Stupidly, those very precious things were left outside the bathroom, and of course we need to touch the knob to get out. Finally I put the wipes and sanitizer into the bathroom and cleaned the knob. I don't know who here likes spreading yucky bathroom germs, but I don't.
      Good thing none of us have the flu...

Mmph.

      My night was much too short. I will most likely take a long, Vicks-induced nap as soon as we get home. But I've been wanting to get out of the house for weeks, and I finally can. I just don't know if I'll be awake enough to enjoy it.

FML

      Allergy symptoms are no better. Guests coming in less than an hour and all I want to do is die. I'm basically being held responsible for being affected by the pollen coming in through the windows they open.
      Ah, some more great news; I'll be feeling like this another four months.

I...NEED...SLEEP!

      I ab so tired of feelig this way! By doze is so clogged that if I close by bouth, I'b sure I would suffocate.
      Seriously, this is stupid. I just want to breathe normally like everyone else on the whole damn planet. OKAY? Is that too much to ask for? Close the windows and turn off the fans - please. Yes, I know it's hot. SO TAKE OFF YOUR SWEATER. FIND PANTS THAT AREN'T DENIM. I'M TRYING TO LIVE, GODDAMN IT. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREEEAAAAKKKKK!
      Or be humane enough to put me out of my misery. One more day like this and I swear, I'll do it myself. Or at least I'll lop off my nose, because I can't use it anyway! I had to wipe all the Vicks off my chest because it makes me drowsy, and sleep ain't happening. The Vicks can't penetrate the congestion anymore. So I wiped it off and now I'm sucking back eucalyptus cough drops like it's candy, just so I can get air in through my nose.
      This is what it's come down to? Are you fucking kidding me? They would rather wear their jackets and their damn denim jeans and open all the windows and watch me suffer, than to put on cooler clothes and do me the BIGGEST FAVOR OF ALL?
      It's like a fucking BLIZZARD out there! Day, night, it doesn't matter. That pollen shit is coming down like a blizzard, and I'm supposed to live like this! Screw her, she doesn't matter, I'm too warm!
      Do me a favor and just put me out of my misery. You wouldn't want a DOG to suffer, so show that courtesy to your own kind. My throat feels like a cat is trying to rip its way out, I can't hear shit, and I've used so much Vicks in the past week that it's coming out of places I didn't even put it. It's oozing out of my eyelids, it's dripping through the back of my neck and there is so much blood in my nose that I can't lay down! And I can't even cry in frustration because I'll get even more congested, so I'M GONNA YELL!

Living The Meme

      I looked up Toy Story just now on Google Images. And one of them said that if a toy lost whatever makes toys alive, the owner wouldn't know, and the toys would have to watch that owner play with their friends' dead body.
      I mean...thanks, for that.

Game News

      I woke up with the sudden realization that it's June. So I kicked off my covers and got ready for the day, and sat down to spend all my coins on lockbox keys. Aaaand, no. They're not doing the sale. So while I'm disappointed that I'm stuck with all these lockboxes, I'm very happy that I'm stuck with all these coins.
      In other news, my hair is a disgusting mess. I'm off.

Game Talk

      I've been playing GameCube more often lately. Okay, I actually do both the conventional and mirrored tournaments of Shrek Smash 'N Crash once a day. And some pretty weird stuff has happened. First, I got hit by a Farquaad-In-A-Box and it didn't even disappear; it stayed right there on the track. Then my frog balloon got rid of one for me.
      Some other weird stuff happened, too, but I can't remember what they were right now.

Sad

      What time is it? Oh yeah, it doesn't even matter anymore. This new medication I'm on - what a joke. Non-drowsy my ass. I spend most of each day trying to sleep it off, but guess what, I need it to breathe.
      And since I've been taking it, the symptoms from that gastro-enteritis thing have come back. So, what the hell? But, it cost twelve dollars, which is four loads of laundry, so I'm going to use it all up and try to be grateful I have it, but when it's out I'm trying a new brand.

So Far From Good

      The lawn is being cut right now. There goes the effect of my medicine. If I had known the grass would be mowed, I would have waited until it was done.
      Life is pretty sh**ty right now. I started an Extra Strength allergy medication, but it's hardly working. I actually sneezed so hard blood came out, and I'm on a liquid diet because I can't breathe through my nose. A lot of people don't know this, but when you don't have teeth, chewing food takes longer. I figured I would resort to liquids until I don't need to hold my breath as I eat.
      The windows were all wide open until I closed them. Between the three of us, we surely must have killed forty spiders in the past two days. About half of them were making webs. See, all this is why I hate, hate, hate summer. And it ain't even here yet.

-

      For the past three days or so, life has been even more stupid than usual. Normally it's just the monotony of it all, coupled with being totally broke. Now? It's hot outside, but it's even hotter inside. And my room is ten degrees hotter than the living room. But, out here, we also have a fan placed in the window, so it sucks up all the allergens like pollen and that cut grass smell, making it impossible to breathe. For the past three or whatever days, I wake up, go to the washroom, take a lot of Benadryl, and go back to my room until my allergies settle down.
      And then, I do what I have to do. Then I wait for the computer to be available - but I don't play my favorite game until, well, now - because it's the only way I can play it to a finish. Otherwise I'm interrupted, and I forget...I'll never reach my goal that way.
      Doesn't sound like much of a reason. Not even to me. But earlier this week, my mom said that my brother, she and I are just three idiots waiting to die. Well, if that's true, I'm going to make the wait more fun by doing whatever the hell I want. Might as well, you only live once, right? And surely there's more to life than what she does - work three minutes, take a break, work three more minutes, take a break, make a giant mess and forget about it, yell at others to keep their place spotless, get plastered, go to sleep.
      I'm going to make sure I die happier than that.
      There are things I want to do. Things I'll never be able to do, because Canada is...not fun. I want to throw on a lifejacket, get on a Sea-Doo, and go racing through the waters. Feel it spraying on my face. Then come to land, have a roasted marshmallow, watch the sun go down. Sleep under the stars - on a trampoline, or on a stationary boat, I don't care which.
      Canada is not fun like that. I don't think we have Sea-Doos. If we did, I'd probably have to go to Vancouver just for a damn boat ride. And then what? Come back? No thanks. I want to live on the water. I want to be away from all this. Traffic...people...Sirens.
      I want to live on a boat, and die on a boat. And I want a whole lot of wild, nautical fun in between. And knowing the poten-tial danger of being snapped up by a shark, or an octopus, that only makes it seem more dangerous. More fun.
      I want to be out there, experiencing nature firsthand. I'm tired of tapping away on a keyboard. Unless weight gain is a side effect, nobody cares what the hell I do. I need to stop trying to impress people and just...live. The things I mentioned - that's life. This is just pitiful. I'm pretty sure we're down to four slices of bread, and we're all out of soft foods I can eat. We're running low on cheese, and our pizza bread went stale two days ago. The soup I could eat? We gave it all away to a neighbor who was even more needy. And of course, now, he's doing even better than we are, getting a check every week! Can you imagine having that kind of money? I sure as hell can't!
      Well, that's not true. I can imagine, but that's all I can do.
      Hell...I've been out of shampoo for a week, and I still have thirty-some hours left to go. I can wash my hair with liquid soap, but I can just feel the dandruff coming back.
      I think tonight I'm going to skip the gaming session. I can already afford most of the treasure chests - I can afford to lose a night. I still have until June 30th. Tonight, I'm going to watch a movie I haven't seen in too long.
      And tomorrow, I plan on celebrating my grandmother's birthday by following her recipe to make doughnuts. She's dead, but I'm still going to do this. And the day after that...I really, really hope I can buy a summer dress and matching sandals. I've never had that before. I had lime green gum boots, and a shirt with two puppies cuddling at the beach. And yellow pants. It was awful. Maybe that's why I didn't have a lot of friends?

!

      I am on a cloud. Since I posted the picture of my game, I have collected 1,420-something more coins. My goal is to get to 10,000 before the final day of their sale - if they do that again, and then spend, spend, spend! I have the glowing crown and the matching glowing sword, but there are other glowing items to match that I hope to chance across. Like the glowing wings.
      It'll suck, being broke again, but I have waited all year to see if JuneBud would do another June sale. I'm hoping it's annual; and if it was a one-time thing, I guess I can save. Either way, it sounds like a win. I'm just dreading having to sit here, opening 356 boxes one at a time. And most of them require a double-click because they have two prizes. Some even have three. But I really, really want to get rid of all those treasure chests.
      And once that's done...that account is finished, really; until someone informs me on how I can unlock the five worlds I haven't discovered yet. I think I need to defeat one of the biggest, meanest enemies to get there; in which case I would have to spend more gems than I have - 2.6 million, almost. I'm collecting as fast as I can, but the special ammunition is ridiculously expensive. Five bullets cost five grand, and each shot takes three bullets. I might be thirty before I can defeat his big robot ass. But once I have no more treasure chests to open, I won't even care that I can't access five other levels. Well, six, but one of them requires membership, which requires real money.
      In all truth, I have a few accounts on Facebook...I know at least one other has more lockboxes I want to clear. The game is great, but it's lacking some options, and one of them is to sell treasure chests. Note to self: Stop collecting them. I've mastered that; once I achieve my goal I'll only collect what I can afford to open.
      I'm sorry. I don't like to admit this, but I'm nerdy as hell and need another hobby. I do hate sounding like Eugene Porter, with all this damn game talk. I do have other hobbies, I swear. Earlier today I wanted to bake; maybe by now it's cool enough.

...

      It's been raining more lately. I can recall three storms since April. The first was the best; the thunder was so loud it shook everything, and the streets were just rivers. It didn't last long, but it was intense. I hope we have another storm like that. Except longer.
      Things here are...monotonous. Sleep has improved, but that's all that's different. I dreamed that Anna and Elsa were racing on a road Elsa made icy, and their cars collided and she flew off the cliff and into the water. And just before it happened, I heard myself thinking - "The crash is coming up, it's going to happen. Don't wake up just yet."
      Um, what? Do I want to watch people die? Am I that sick?
      My books are giving me no end of trouble, as usual. Apparently I can't focus if the font style isn't in Garamond, stupid as it sounds. It doesn't read back the same in another style. I have written at least two new poems and am working on a third.
      And that's about it. I'm strongly considering going back to bed thirty-eight minutes away from noon, because I clearly won't miss out on anything. And that's just one reason to try and get more sleep. I could sit here and spout one reason after another, but they won't seem like reasons to you. My baggy, burning, twitching eyes will say something different.
      Used to be I wouldn't even notice how tired I was. Maybe I wasn't even tired, but until I really look back and remember my youth, it seems like I've always been old. Always tired, never happy or healthy even. But life was good like that in the time of dolls, and cardboard castles. My mom once made me a doll out of cotton and old clothing, and the damn thing was bigger than I was. I took it everywhere. I think I even danced with it.
      I can remember a time my sister and I shared something called a playroom. Remember what that is? The smell of crayons, and clay; toys constantly underfoot. Windows that don't open. Not a single piece of furniture in sight. Back in the day when throwing the blanket on the bed was good enough, and it was the worst thing ever if your food touched your food. You weren't allowed to chew gum until you understood how, and you lived on the promise that one day you'd be retold all those jokes that were too adult at the time.
      Well, newsflash; I still don't know what was so damn funny.

...

      I watched a video called "Try Not To Laugh". And it was the worst piece of pucky on the web. I was expecting...humor. Instead? A talk show guest is laughed at by the host when he speaks, because his vocal cords were affected during surgery. Poor thing was very insulted. And then this other guest stands up in the audience and starts berating the host; but his vocal cords were damaged and it only made him laugh even more. The assbag was laughing so hard he was crying! The best part of the whole show was when the audience started scorning the host, and clapping when the two guests told him off.
      That whole thing was a flashback. Bottom line is, he got fired and his show was cancelled. I was heartbroken, watching that arro-gant cow pile giggle over the result of a surgery gone wrong - which was making the guest and his friend and every audience member with a heart, cry! I just wanted to leap through the screen and kick the host in the nuts.
      I don't think I've ever been this sad before. I just wanted to hug him. A grown man from a tough country - perhaps - but you should have seen the look on his face.

Boundaries! Standards! LAW!

      I made a friend last night and right away it was obvious he was no different, calling me love and sweet pea and other mushy names I can't stand. Felt like a night like any other - until I learn that he is really a ten-year-old girl.
      I'm still in shock. I even told her to stop hitting on strangers and to be careful, and she keeps calling me those things. You know, when I was ten, my biggest concern was having enough playtime outside. I had one crush, but it was on a boy my age and I lost interest when I realized he already had three girlfriends, and they actually liked sharing him. I haven't had a crush since. I mean, I've looked. At men and women. But I don't take it any further than that and I don't know if I ever will.
      People like this girl...They're reckless. I warned her to be careful - I can't do anything else. It's up to her guardians now. I think I'll just delete her; what else am I supposed to do? I am four-teen years older. Further communication would be a mistake.
      And maybe she's not who she says she is. You're thinking that, right? Me too. It's no damn consolation.

...

      Had a pretty good day. The weather was nice, we had ham-burgers for dinner, I played some Sims 3, watched a lot of The Walking Dead. I even finally washed my hair. It had been too long. Unfortunately, once in awhile I find it hard to care about anything. It all seems so trivial sometimes. I said once that the monotony in my life was ludicrous, and that hasn't changed much. I still haven't run through the tide barefoot, or lay on a trampoline looking up at the stars. I haven't done anything of the most value to me. My days run in an endless circle. I've been to the ocean once - when I was a toddler. I remember some of it, but most of that day is gone. I didn't even enjoy it; that much I know. The ground was rocky and it was hot. It wasn't what I would call relaxing.
      I went to Kamloops once or twice. The drive seems to get shorter the more you go. I remember walking with my cousin Heather, looking up at these amazing mansions with pools and porches and outdoor furniture. I remember her house, and being afraid of her dog. Hell, I remember when I jumped up on my school desk because I was afraid of my classmate's goat (it was show-and-tell). I remember when my neighbor Taylor accidentally dragged me into the ditch and I got a broken thumb. I remember my neighbors Keisha and Elisha catching bugs with me, skipping rope with me, trying to stay with me even when we had different classrooms. I remember...my Asian friends teaching me Marco Polo in a dark bedroom because we were all afraid of water, following a stray cat, playing outdoors until I got dizzy and had to take a break and they were still outside waiting for me when I recovered. God, I miss them so much.
      That's what life should be about. Having a hell of a good time, laughing until you get dizzy, and then getting up and laughing even harder. I used to do that.
      How can friendships just die the way they do? I blame time. Time and distance. You move away and you forget. Until you rem-ember. I wonder if they look back from time to time. I hope they do. I hope they remember my name.

Sharing A Photo

      This is from the game I thought I'd never play again. I just wanted to commemorate the day I collected my six thousandth coin! Well, after spending a million. I'm finally saving up. I don't know if I'll spend it when their June sale rolls around...It felt amazing to get this far.

 

Untitled

      Feeling kind of yucky tonight. Actually, for the past five days or so. Symptom Checker relates how I feel to a stomach flu called gastroenteritis; and the symptoms are extremely yucky. I have shyt to do, especially tomorrow, but I'd rather throw up and take Tylenol.

A Great Day!

      I had a wonderful day today (even though I haven't slept in my own bed for two nights because I'm terrified of the big, fast spider hiding under my blanket; but that's okay, because I've been sleeping better on the couch anyway). I was able to buy Toy Story 2 and 3, finally completing my collection (thank you, WalMart - what did you do, read my blog?). A creepy guy followed me around, but he took off when I stood in front of the cameras. We crossed paths a few times after that, but I always hung around other people (and maybe that's why he didn't bother me).
      After that I hit McDonald's, which was too crowded, so I got my stuff at the drive-thru. Today alone I've had two chicken burgers, chocolate, corn dogs, and I even have the three most important pizza ingredients - Naan bread, HP sauce, and a whole lotsa Mozza! Yep, that's all my pizza's made of, unless we actually order out.
      Now I sit here, eating Swiss Rolls (you must try them if you have a sweet tooth - they're incredibly soft; I don't have a single tooth and I just devour them), drinking milk, and wondering to myself: How different would the Shrek movies have been if...he had been Russian? If you don't know what that accent sounds like, look up the Colossus scene in the Deadpool movie. Listen to the voice of the big shiny man, and picture Shrek. I mean, isn't that better? That dude needs to voice an ogre if there's ever a fifth movie in the Shrek franchise.

...

      The weather here has been dramatically improving. It's windy right now, but that's good - when the wind stops, it gets very, very warm; especially inside a car. It's easy to believe summer is right around the corner. When I look outside and see the green grass, the blue sky, and all the different colors on the trees, it's impossible to stay depressed or angry.
      In fact, even though I went shopping today, I had a great time; and that's with a trip to the doctor's office and the pharmacy thrown in. (Nothing huge, just an incredibly painful lesion on my finger that apparently can be healed with oral medicine.)
      It was payday, thank goodness, because we didn't have enough bread to make two sandwiches. First stop, the restaurant; and holy hell, did I laugh. My mom leans out the window and asks for one chicken strips. I get my order, and the waitress has actually given me one strip. Then, at the pharmacy, I have a twenty-minute wait ahead of me and I'm browsing the place, and I see a card that features three women wearing scarves that are big, saggy boobs; and the card says, "I'm thinking of getting you a scarf for your birthday...Which size would you like?"
      Now it seems the mirth has died under the worries of side effects, and this horrible fatigue I have never been able to conquer. Seems I'm having enough breathing trouble as it is without the possibility of an allergic reaction to medicine. I actually couldn't sleep a few nights back because my throat started to close. All I could do was choke and panic and wonder where my inhaler was; and today I didn't even think of getting a refill from my doctor. I have to make another appointment. Later, though; for now I've found my inhaler and have enough. And unless they add a debit machine to the transit systems, I can't afford to take the bus.
      I would have preferred a cream. Something that can be applied directly to the lesion; but no, I have to take it orally and hope it goes to the right place.

Untitled

      Well, I'm kind of in a funk. Turns out another game I love may be going offline. Hm, I have to wonder: If I didn't get involved, would they be online forever? Seems these companies only need to file for bankruptcy when I start playing their games.

...

      I went out again today. Silverdale Creek. It's nice, got some more pictures. Coming back I saw the farm I called home for a decade...It's not so nice. The barn collapsed, the roof is actually touching the ground on one side. The walls are all lopsided and broken. Fourteen years ago there was one gate, on the driveway. Now there's that, plus a gate in front of both houses. And there's no animals. No dogs, no sheep, no horses.
      I'll never get over that place. It's still home to me, and seeing it like that breaks my heart. I hope nobody was injured when the barn fell.
      I still have so many memories about that place. It's impossible not to look back.

Untitled

      So, we have four or so owls taking up residence in our yard. My mother and brother are awfully superstitious. They claim they're not, but they don't even like walking under ladders. And when I broke the mirror many years back, she said I should look out for bad luck. Of course, this is the same woman who believes a cross-shaped cloud is a blessing upon us all. Me? I walk under ladders, I don't get all freaked out if I see a black cat. I believe in good luck, but I don't believe in bad luck. I chalk it up to misfortune, which everyone has sooner or later.

      Hell, I've discovered I have about four symptoms of diabetes; plus the ulnar nerves in both of my arms have been getting pinched or trapped, resulting in my hands going numb. Other than that, I'm aces. I finally found a website that has uploaded The Recollection Dissipation - Putlocker says they did, but it's not there, and it should have been on the 6th. Agh! Longest ten days ever!

      Anyway, besides Sims 3 - which is going amazingly well - I've begun watching DVDs again. I think I'll add P.C. Cast's bigass books to the mix and see if I can keep myself busy all day. Maybe I can tire my eyes out enough to sleep and gain some kind of routine. I really want to get to Hayward one of these days...Of course, it really doesn't matter! I've decided that when I die, I want to be cremated and sprinkled there, so even I continue to sleep my life away, eventually I'll get there and never have to leave! So, let the good times roll.

      Speaking of rolling - I saw an orange Chevrolet Corvette Z06 a few moments ago. I didn't think this crappy little city had those. Probably belongs to one of the rich folks up on the hills. I wish I could get a taste of that life. I found out (about ten long days ago) that Trump has a garage that can fit forty cars. Can you imagine? That has to be about as big as the mall! Except much, much less filled with people. (And thank goodness for that.)

Alien Talk

      Today I watched some Animorphs on the DVD player in my room. The remote control doesn't work with it at all. It turns the TV on and off and changes the volume, but I can't select different episodes or rewind. The pause button on the DVD player works, but it's right below the eject button, so I'm always pushing the wrong one and ejecting the disk when all I want is to pause; and I have to push the Fast-Forward button to get to the next episode. And if there are eight episodes on that disk, and each movie has twenty-four scenes, I'm there for hours just trying to get to the right episode. It's incredibly frustrating.
      Anyway, rant aside, I noticed a big mistake in the pilot! We see the main character Jake walking, and we hear the narration: "Half an hour ago I was a regular kid." At this point it's a beautiful, lovely day; so the narration implies that he met Elfangor in the daylight, but he didn't. It was pitch-black.
      I actually don't like a lot about that show. Jake, talking to his dog like he understands every word. The way Rachel says Homer. The way the aliens would control the humans, instead of destroying them and having the planet to themselves. But I'm also a big fan of it. It's Rachel, Cassie and Tobias that I can't get enough of. And I must admit, Paulo Costanzo makes a very convincing Ax...in his human form, anyway. The Andalite costumes aren't good. I actually close my eyes when I see Visser Three's ship land because the graphics aren't impressive.
      There's a massive debate on whether the books or the show is better. I've always said it was the movies, mostly because Brooke Nevin is in it. Tom always creeped me out, he reminds me too much of Seth Green. I think my least favorite episode is the one where they realize the disk is a tracking device. The woman who says "The signal is going up!" is such a horrible actor. I just want Marco to become a gorilla, pick her up and throw her into space.
      Melissa's awesome; she should be in more stuff. I tried watching The Crown - which is despicably awful - and there's a fellow in it who sounds just like Visser Three. Seriously, it's like he went back in time to do that show.
      Many years back, I wrote a book, in which Jake encounters Iceman and realizes he was cloned and experimented on, resulting in his twin's mutation. Of course the other Animorphs and X-Men are there. Rachel and Jean Grey form a rivalry, and Marco makes a urination joke. The school burns down and she has to catch Cassie after she's jumped from the window, and Rachel is found out to be a triple agent, and there's something about zombies...It was a disaster, and I was inexplicably proud. There was waaay too much sh1t going on. I called it the X-Morphs, and in my childish, who-cares-I'm-a-kid phase I thought it was the best thing ever. Looking back I'm amazed I had the gumption to continue my writing. I spent half a page writing about how Marco put a strawberry wrapper on a puddle of blood and "making it stick just a little" so nobody would get suspicious! I should have been back then as morbidly em-barrassed as I am now. Compared to how that story went down, Animorphs is a freakin' masterpiece. I suppose I really have to right to criticize.

Untitled

      Basically Simming my days away, still. I spend most of my time in an exhausted daze, but as long as I'm collecting moonstones and apples I find myself to be extremely happy. Except...all the movies I used to like, are now just irritating. Well, except for Shrek 4. That one is a gem. Warrior Fiona is awesome.
      I think it's time for change. Even Rapunzel has lost her charm. It started when I saw this picture on Google Images:

 

      And then I saw that there was another sequel, done in crappy 2D animation. It's called "What The Hair?" Naturally, she gets her long blond hair back but nooo, it does not possess magic powers. Oh, and you can't cut it, either; it's unbreakable. Yeah, they went there. The characters banged tools on it. Anyway, the king and queen host this "Gopher Grab" nonsense and Rapunzel gets booed. And, after her new friend Cassandra has to explain to her what booing means (because she stupidly thinks it's a form of cheering), Rapunzel says the worst thing anyone could ever say - "Why would somebody hate me?"

      That ruined her for me. That, and especially the words in the picture posted above, made me realize how much of a Mary Sue she truly is. And the worst part of it all is that it took a silly haircut for her to stand out among the other Mary Sues.

      Disney princesses need more flaws. This whole "always perfect, all the time, in every way" thing is getting stale. Especially since they...can all...fight. What they need to do is make a movie of a princess who actually behaves like a princess. A diva. Give her a big nose, or something - make her not perfect. Make her a conceited snob. Have the guy rescue her for once. There's only one Disney character out there who acts like a true princess, and she isn't one. Rosetta. She's got that whole dirt and mud phobia going on, she wants the world to be pretty pretty pretty, she wears pink, she hates animals, and she gives too much of a damn about her hair. Yes, yes, "Rapunzel brushes hers". She also drags it through water, mud, dirt, leaves, insects - really, her hair should be disgusting. But of course, it's perfect. Because it's Disney.
      The least they could do is make a movie about a girl who acts like Rapunzel, but is definitely not a princess or special in any way. Just a sweetheart and nothing else. Make it real or don't make it. I suppose her freckles are supposed to count as a flaw? Well, they don't.

      You know why Fiona's my favorite princess? Because she is relatable. She has a crooked smile; she's got a widow's peak and crow's feet. And she loses her cool - blows her top - she downright screams in rage. But Rapunzel is, stereotypically, a friend to all. Even after Mother Gothel kidnaps Rapunzel, keeps her locked away her whole life, ties her up and stabs Eugene, Rapunzel still reaches her hands out to Mother Gothel when she falls from the tower.

      Realistically, she would probably hold a grudge against the woman who kidnapped her and then attempted to kill the man she loved in front of her. But...

Wow...I Feel Nerdy

      I Sims 3'd most of my day away...again. Some people might say I'm wasting my limited time on Earth, but it keeps me happy. Moonstones, ghosts, apples! My Sim's eldest child mastered Alchemy in what surely felt like three minutes. She made fifteen plus potions, then grew up into an adult and moved out into a big, beautiful home with her younger (triplet) sisters. Loretta poured the Bottled Blessing Of The Fae on herself and transformed into a fairy, became queen, mastered the writing skill, and is worth over $445,000 dollars in book royalties! Her husband's a master fisher-man with the Magic Hands of a warlock, and the triplets look so much alike I can't tell one from the other two.
      And I saw two zombies rise from their graves, shake the curse off and go back to living their ordinary lives. One of them was not just a zombie...he was also a vampire. He was, as Rajesh Kooth-rappali would say, a zompire. He had fangs, one eye bulging from its socket like he was Glenn Rhee, curled fingers, the moans and groans, the stagger, and when the sun came up his body started smoking. He was quite the sight. I think his name was Donovan Keaton.
      Oh, and you know that toddler who vanished into thin air and went missing until he respawned as a kid? He's all grown up. Hell, he'll probably have kids next time I see him. I think there's an itty-bitty chance that Neighborhood Progress is on. Still, the fact that he vanished and seemed to skip over three life stages, strikes me as a little odd.

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      Christopher and Loretta got married and had a girl I named Brooke. She's a witch, like her dad. When they first married I had to change both their surnames by forcing Edit A Sim In Create-A-Sim, because I only married them because I liked the name Steel. And Christopher Candler just doesn't have a ring to it.
      Instead of buying the Philosopher's Stone, I bought the Collection Helper. I wasn't quite ready to turn anyone into a ghost, but I do want to find and cut some gems. When I left off, Chris-topher and another roommate had picked up every rock in the neighborhood. When Mindi had started, Loretta was single. By the time they finished together, she was a married mom.
      I love that we can actually see the baby grow. I love the collecting, planting and gardening bit. I adore the Philosopher's Stone and the transmute thing (which go hand-in-hand - one kills, one resurrects; it's great for ghost-Sim lovers like me). But I hate that the Lifetime Rewards collect so slowly and that you need 80,000 of them in total. I hate the way they walk and I hate the way they stagger up and down the stairs. I hate that burglars and zombies alike can appear in enclosed areas and I hate that the grieving process takes two days.
      Okay. Mini-rant aside. Everything else, I love. I remember how shocked I was when my first Sim stepped into the shower fully clothed and began singing. It was nice to have some variety. I called her Sheena, and she stole a lot of stuff. Kicked over a lot of cans. She even almost got caught. I had to make her get home before her enemy returned. I only had a few seconds (minutes, in game-time) to spare and then I saw the cops outside the enemy's house. It is better than Sims 2. And I love that, too. I do wish there were other things you could find - crystal, sapphire, amethyst, pearl. And like I said, the Sims need to be able to become lapidaries, and make jewelry using the gems they find. Maybe they do, in Sims 3 World Adventures, or Sims 3 Ambitions. I don't know. I only have three expansion packs: Seasons, Pets, and Supernatural. So, my knowledge of it all is pretty limited. Mission and Abbotsford don't really sell anything by EA anymore, unless it involves guns.
      Anyway, in too few hours I have to wake up and go clothes-shopping. Damnit. As if regular  shopping wasn't horrible enough.

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      I reinstalled The Sims 3 today. It's awesome, considering it was made in 2009. Man, two more years and it'll be a decade old! I feel so ancient. My girl, Loretta Candler, is already a pretty good gar-dener, has more than 100 apples in her fridge (I have a thing for apple trees). She's a writer, a guitarist, and a fisher, too. She was actually fishing when Christopher Steel joined her, casting his bait in the same area. I admired his name and decided to marry them off - they were so cute, stealing glances at one another.
      I think I'm going to install Supernatural, too. I don't much care for the supernatural forms, which don't have enough abilities to interest me, but I love, love, love resurrecting the dead. I always delete the door at night, so burglars can't come in, and it's nice to have Sims who can walk through walls. They're always the ones paying the bills if I forget during the day.
      I wonder if a ghost Sim can become a zombie. I know they can talk to and spook other Sims, but it should be impossible to grab onto an insubstantial body unless they're both dead. Although technically a zombie is dead, but it's not ghost-dead.
      Anyway, I want to get the Alchemy thing, the gem-cutter thing, and the transmute thing. Loretta's already found a luminous gem and a diamond rock, and I want to increase their value. And maybe I'll even move her to a big, nice house by the lake. Or even the waterfall. My house-building skills are less than decent, but some-times I surprise myself.

A Piece Of Paradise

      I downloaded the Need For Speed: Most Wanted demo. Though the graphics are terrible and the car is very stubborn, it's so great cruising the map of good old NFSW again...even if I have to do pursuits to unlock the whole thing. Still, even if I fail, each pursuit takes place in a separate location, so I can still access the whole map even if I get busted. I've only done three so far, and I won the first two. The third is more challenging, but I got to go to that college place, and the stadium...I even knocked down the giant doughnut! I never thought I'd see this map again. I really hope I can get to Fortuna sometime. Being the silly girl I was when I first started playing, I actually had this stuck in my head whenever I went there: Oh Fortuna, oh don't you cry for me - I come from Rockport Turnpike in my new Lamborghini!
      What?? I told you I was silly. Anyway, that was a loooong time ago, when I first started.

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      I have the chance to reconnect with an old friend. But she's not really my friend anymore. In fact, when I went to see her last July, she didn't stick around long after greeting me, and she didn't even notice when I left. And she was right there.
      We were actually there for a party for someone else. I just wanted to take the opportunity to see how she was. Nobody had to convince me to go. But I know what kind of person she is. I know her mother would have to talk her into coming over. And if I didn't invite her mother, my 'friend' wouldn't come at all - I know it. She'd either be dragged along against her will, or their visiting me would be postponed, time and time again, never to actually happen.
      I've lost many friends over the years. She was one of them. Question is, would I lose her again, or is it still lost?
      I've known her for fourteen years plus. We were so close as kids. The day before I had to move, her mom gave me a picture of all of them. I still have it, in top condition. I know I'll hang onto it even if we become mortal enemies. I'm kind of sentimental.

--

      It looks spooky outside. The sky is dark, and the moon is shining past a wispy cloud and onto the bare branches. It's like something out of a storybook.
      I'm supposed to be asleep, but I don't sleep at night. I get an energy rush around 9 PM every night and can't go to sleep until around 8 AM. I can fall into routine, but it never lasts. Anyway, I doubt I could sleep. I've tried already, but I'm kind of excited. We're finally going to Hayward today. I've been hoping to get back there for at least a year now...I'm hoping to make a day of it. It's a relaxing place...I really need to relax.
      Too bad I have to come back. That's always the worst part. I just want to stay there. The sun, the waves. All my worries come back in a fetid rush the minute I hear the words, "Ready? Get your stuff."
      No outing is long enough. We went to a beach one time. We walked to one end, turned around and walked back. Got in the car and drove home. We didn't get our feet wet, we didn't even touch the sand. Not even with our fingers. We were literally there for a few minutes. A nice place, but to this day I don't know what the point was of going there.
      Well, I suppose three more hours of a sleepless rest is better than none.

X-Treme Mistakes

      I've been watching the X-Men movies, and I noticed some horrific mistakes. The timeline is where those mistakes come from. A guy tried to explain it all away with alternate dimensions, but only one X-Men movie has anything to do with alternate dimensions and time-travel. The rest is, ipso facto, unexplained.
      Okay. I should start at the beginning. First, they made X-Men 1. It starts with a young Magneto being ripped from his family at the hands of the Nazis. That takes place in Poland, 1944. Fast forward into the not-too-distant future, where we see Rogue, a teen-ager. Wouldn't that make her older than, or as old as, the pro-fessor? Anyway, after nearly accidentally killing her friend with her powers, she discovers Xavier's School For The Gifted. Xavier, around Magneto's age, is now sixty, seventy-something, and his students are anywhere from children to thirty plus. Jean Grey is, in this movie, thirty-plus; yet in X-Men: The Last Stand, we see a flashback, in which she's about thirteen years old, talking to the professor and Magneto, still sixty, seventy-something. Still with me? In X-Men: Apocalypse, Xavier is a young man, maybe seventeen years old, and Jean Grey is there, maybe seventeen.
      That's a problem for me. Unless, Jean Grey ages slowly, like Logan.
      In X-Men 1, Logan also discovers the school, and he meets Jean Grey. But, wait! They've met before! In X-Men Apocalypse, she uses her telekinesis to open his cage, while also making people unable to see her, since she's supposed to be locked up and all. They lose him, and they have to follow the trail of dead, bloody bodies to find him again. He initially doesn't trust Jean, but when he realizes he likes her a lot, he lets her read his mind. Then he vanishes. Why doesn't Jean recognize him in X-Men 1? Why don't Professor Xavier and Magneto recognize him? They caught their first glimpse of him in X-Men: First Class, when they were young men. They both read his mind - yet they never seem to catch on that they've en-countered him before.
      In X-Men 2, Jean and Storm meet Kurt Wagner, also known by the name Nightcrawler. But...they met him before, too. In X-Men: Apocalypse, where Professor Xavier was a young man! Aaaand, they knew both his real name, and his mutant name.
      I'm getting off-topic. My point is, Logan meets the gang in X-Men 1, X-Men: First Class, and Apocalypse. They never recognize him. Yes, these movies were made in a certain order, but there's no way to watch them in order, because they all become acquainted more than once. To make it worse, the storyline of how old they were when they met is inconsistent! And there's more than that. In First Class, young man Magneto has numbers on his arm. It looks like they were burned into his flesh. In X-Men 1? Blue ink. Blue ink - seriously!
      In Apocalypse, we also see Angel getting his feather wings replaced by adamantium wings. Magneto and Xavier are young in that movie. In X3, when the two of them are old, Angel shows up at Xavier's school with feather wings. Not to mention that unlike Xavier and Magneto, he isn't much older.
      So there we have it. Rogue should be around the professor's age, and Jean Grey doesn't age. Not normally. And, since Scott was a teenager when Xavier was a young man, he doesn't age, either. In fact, they're all immortals - Beast, and yes, Mystique as well. How else would Magneto age, while Beast and Mystique look like they've only aged four years? They went to college together! Magneto and Mystique were lovers. She should be old and saggy, but she's not. Beast should be gray, but he's not. And for telepaths, Xavier and Jean sure have the wool pulled over their eyes when it comes to Logan.
      Oh, and by the way, Professor X was crippled in First Class, as a young man. But, in the flashback in The Last Stand, he's walking as an old man. And do you remember when we see Cyclops running from Victor, and William Stryker gives him a shot to knock him out? They're roughly, oh, I don't know, twenty years apart. Yet in X2, when Stryker is an old, gray-haired man, Cyclops has only aged a little.
      So they're not perfect. The timeline is confusing - hell, it's downright laughable. I guess X does not mark the treasure.

-

      The quality of my life seems to be at a standstill. If Life quality were a Sim thing, mine would be in the red zone. Because I take the liberty to sleep when my body demands rest, like an unthink-ably horrible person, I'm being forced to stay awake through the whole night until 10 PM and then when the others are up, I'm expected to go shopping and do housework with a perky, life-loving, I'm-such-a-freaking-Rapunzel kind of zest. (And it don't feel to me like Mother knows best! It's not like she knows my body better than I do. But she does know what it's like to be overtired. She completely lacks the compassion she wanted for herself all those years ago.)
      Anyway, I'm sitting here, playing games, watching movies. I need something to do in order to not think about how tiiiired I am. So I'm watching anything I see, no matter how stupid it is. (Like Toy Story 2. Mostly good, but how the f**k can one toy father another? They're plastic. Even if they have genitals, they're not functional. Let's just skip the Star Wars reference, please. Goddamn it all, why did I have to know where it came from before I looked it up?)
      So now it's time for Toy Story 3, and then maybe, Memoirs Of A Geisha. And then I have to pretend like I don't have a headache I was forbidden to sleep off.
      Forbidden? Be serious.
      Yeah. Seriously. We just don't get along anymore. Hell, a few nights back, she threatened to place me in a home because I didn't stack the dishes right. I am so tired of her threats. She's always saying she's going to send me away. Just do me a favor, do it already. Maybe then I can sleep at night!
      My brother's no damn help. He takes her side, and when she toodles off to bed, that's when he stands up for me. A little late, bro.
      Oh well, whatever. Let them f**k my life up. They're pros. I'm just going to sit back and spiral into my beloved nocturnal bliss and stay out of their way. I'm going to cling to oblivion, and dwell in a fake world of talking toys.
      Oh, speaking of which! I'm glad this came up; I wanted to talk about a dream I had. I was calling for Jessie, looking for her. Apparently she was mine. I could hear her voice answering me; she was inside a kitchen cabinet. In the movie, the toys - before they meet Jessie - move to a new house. In my dream, I was packing up the last house to come here, to where I live now. Here's the kicker; in my next dream we lived here, and I could see Jessie on a shelf.
      Anyway, I think Toy Story 3 is at least mostly loaded, by now. See ya next time.

...,

      Well...things here are going slowly and badly. I'm trying to look on the bright side - it could be worse - but sometimes I can't see the bright side. Sometimes the sun just ain't shining. Basically, if I'm not in bed, I'm wishing I were; feeling more tired than usual. I eat, and become even hungrier than I was before I ate. I'm always hungry and tired; but at least before, if I slept or ate something, it got a little better.
      Day before last, I stayed in bed until five. Today, three-something. I just didn't see the purpose of dragging myself through the same old, same old, when I was too tired and depressed to open my eyes. The only time I feel like it's been a good day is when I can buy something new - or sweet. Every time I'm able to wake up before nine, I look out of my window to see if the car's still here. If it is, I ask for a ride downtown. And if it's not, I crawl back under the covers.
      I don't even see the problem everyone is making it out to be. If I'm too tired to think straight, bed is where I belong. I'm not missing out on anything special anyway. For example, the other day my brother opened Battlefield at least four times. And guess what he's playing, right now?
      This level of monotony is ludicrous. I can't wait until bedtime. Or a nap, whichever comes first.

Nice Day

      The weather is great - the sun is shining and the skies are blue. But thankfully, it's not warm. I'm sitting here with my window open maybe two inches, and I can feel the heat just being sucked away. Feels great.
      Today I went chair shopping. I found the perfect one...but it was about $260 too expensive. So instead, I went to GameBit, and found nothing but a couple, talking about my favorite show. I was tempted to join the conversation. But, I did not. I had the same opportunity many years back, when I overheard two girls speaking Simlish at the Abbotsford mall. Sadly, I could understand them.
      Next, Superstore; where my brand-new purse decided to fall apart. I think I know what the problem is, though; the handle is a black leather strap woven into a gold chain, and last month the leather tore in half. Two unattached ends poked through the chain. I think if I took the leather strap out and just left the gold part, it would work. And if not...I still have the purse I replaced.
      Finally, things began to look up. I was able to buy not one, not even two, but three movies. For my brother, X-Men Apocalypse, which we've never seen - I didn't even know it was a thing - and the sixth season of The Walking Dead - which I didn't even know was out. And for me, the first Toy Story! Twenty-two years after it was made. I'd seen it there before, for the same price; but the few times I could afford it, I was buying other things. Now all I have to do is find the second and third. And I hear they're making more.
      I saw a man in a costume, dancing away beside an adver-tisement. I saw a man whose dogs were pulling a wagon. And I saw Professor Proton's lookalike jaywalk across the street. I saw a plane that looked like it was carrying a kayak, and a cloud that looked like the medical sign.
      All in all, this is one of the rare instances I'm happy I got up. It's been a decent day so far. And that's something, because lately it's been really miserable.
      Well, looks like it's time to watch some Walking Dead. I hope we have the season now where Negan is introduced. I really want him to kill Eugene!

Wacky Dream

      Ooookay. So it's been about a year now since I've seen anything Animorphs. I don't know why I dreamed what I did. But the Hork Bajir were running loose, killing everyone who feared them because Controllers would not be afraid. Ax was in Jake's human form, acting like Ax, like in that one episode (except he still had Ax-hair). He knelt beside a hyperventilating Rachel, who was actually sweating, and when he said "Hi" his entire face twisted like he was an emphatic little boy.
      Meanwhile I'm walking around, calling loudly trying to attract the zombies that have taken over the place. I only got about three hours, but it was ridiculously weird. And this is coming from the girl who sometimes dreams she's in Amy Farrah Fowler's body, sitting with Sheldon, or she's touring underground caves with her sister and the queen, who gives them dresses to try on, warns them not to trust Camille, and lives inside the Abbotsford mall.
      I don't know what I'm eating or doing to conjure such crazy stuff. Earlier this week I dreamed we were touring what looked like the Minecraft version of the golden gate bridge (except it looked mostly real, and the blocky look was only a few hundred feet apart). It was wider, and there was this elevator called "Free Toss", or something, and I'm with a friend and we're both refusing to go in because of the horrible things we've heard about it. But my mom says "I said I'd try it!" and in she goes. Well, this stupid thing starts to tilt, and she squeezes her eyes shut and the elevator starts flipping, ass over teakettle, and then it picks up speed. It's just a blur. The bridge is shaking so hard the cement is cracking and we can hear her screaming, and looking at the elevator is making me nauseated...and then I wake up. With a big WTF look on my face.
      Maybe it's the citrus.

I Don't Get It

      Every time my mother drinks Boost, or Nutri-Total, or Ensure, she gets a horrible stomach ache. I researched it awhile back and found the reason - Omega3. It's got fish oils in there, and she's severely allergic to that. So for about a week now, she's been complaining: "It's got fish oils! I can't drink this, it'll kill me. We should never buy it again, I can't drink it, I can't drink it."
      And then she has another one. You want to feel good? Don't hurt yourself. I'm actually drinking two or three a day, trying to get rid of them as fast as possible, because I'm not allergic to fish and I don't want her to die or something. (Oh, and they're totally yummy, and I could always use the extra nutrition.) And of course right after she drank it, she went off on a long drive to pick up an old friend. That's like shooting yourself in the foot right before that big race you want to win, because people are telling you you can't do it, and you want to prove them wrong.
      I don't understand. I really don't. She pretty much coddles me, trying to control what I eat because once in awhile I get a stomach ache, too. How forbidden! The difference is, I won't freaking die. Seriously, Ma, maybe you're just doing it to yourself. Your body's eating itself away. Soon you'll be back to your seventy-two pounds, wondering what went wrong. Probably holding a Nutri-Total bottle in your hand.
      Maybe I should take over the shopping list.