The quality of my life seems to be at a standstill. If Life quality were a Sim thing, mine would be in the red zone. Because I take the liberty to sleep when my body demands rest, like an unthink-ably horrible person, I'm being forced to stay awake through the whole night until 10 PM and then when the others are up, I'm expected to go shopping and do housework with a perky, life-loving, I'm-such-a-freaking-Rapunzel kind of zest. (And it don't feel to me like Mother knows best! It's not like she knows my body better than I do. But she does know what it's like to be overtired. She completely lacks the compassion she wanted for herself all those years ago.)
Anyway, I'm sitting here, playing games, watching movies. I need something to do in order to not think about how tiiiired I am. So I'm watching anything I see, no matter how stupid it is. (Like Toy Story 2. Mostly good, but how the f**k can one toy father another? They're plastic. Even if they have genitals, they're not functional. Let's just skip the Star Wars reference, please. Goddamn it all, why did I have to know where it came from before I looked it up?)
So now it's time for Toy Story 3, and then maybe, Memoirs Of A Geisha. And then I have to pretend like I don't have a headache I was forbidden to sleep off.
Forbidden? Be serious.
Yeah. Seriously. We just don't get along anymore. Hell, a few nights back, she threatened to place me in a home because I didn't stack the dishes right. I am so tired of her threats. She's always saying she's going to send me away. Just do me a favor, do it already. Maybe then I can sleep at night!
My brother's no damn help. He takes her side, and when she toodles off to bed, that's when he stands up for me. A little late, bro.
Oh well, whatever. Let them f**k my life up. They're pros. I'm just going to sit back and spiral into my beloved nocturnal bliss and stay out of their way. I'm going to cling to oblivion, and dwell in a fake world of talking toys.
Oh, speaking of which! I'm glad this came up; I wanted to talk about a dream I had. I was calling for Jessie, looking for her. Apparently she was mine. I could hear her voice answering me; she was inside a kitchen cabinet. In the movie, the toys - before they meet Jessie - move to a new house. In my dream, I was packing up the last house to come here, to where I live now. Here's the kicker; in my next dream we lived here, and I could see Jessie on a shelf.
Anyway, I think Toy Story 3 is at least mostly loaded, by now. See ya next time.
Anyway, I'm sitting here, playing games, watching movies. I need something to do in order to not think about how tiiiired I am. So I'm watching anything I see, no matter how stupid it is. (Like Toy Story 2. Mostly good, but how the f**k can one toy father another? They're plastic. Even if they have genitals, they're not functional. Let's just skip the Star Wars reference, please. Goddamn it all, why did I have to know where it came from before I looked it up?)
So now it's time for Toy Story 3, and then maybe, Memoirs Of A Geisha. And then I have to pretend like I don't have a headache I was forbidden to sleep off.
Forbidden? Be serious.
Yeah. Seriously. We just don't get along anymore. Hell, a few nights back, she threatened to place me in a home because I didn't stack the dishes right. I am so tired of her threats. She's always saying she's going to send me away. Just do me a favor, do it already. Maybe then I can sleep at night!
My brother's no damn help. He takes her side, and when she toodles off to bed, that's when he stands up for me. A little late, bro.
Oh well, whatever. Let them f**k my life up. They're pros. I'm just going to sit back and spiral into my beloved nocturnal bliss and stay out of their way. I'm going to cling to oblivion, and dwell in a fake world of talking toys.
Oh, speaking of which! I'm glad this came up; I wanted to talk about a dream I had. I was calling for Jessie, looking for her. Apparently she was mine. I could hear her voice answering me; she was inside a kitchen cabinet. In the movie, the toys - before they meet Jessie - move to a new house. In my dream, I was packing up the last house to come here, to where I live now. Here's the kicker; in my next dream we lived here, and I could see Jessie on a shelf.
Anyway, I think Toy Story 3 is at least mostly loaded, by now. See ya next time.
Forbidden to sleep off a headache? Being sent to a home because you stacked the dishes "wrong"? What's happened over there to make things go all screwy?!
ReplyDeleteAt least you had a cool dream! I hope you feel better soon ...
I don't know. I just want things to go back to normal.
DeleteBut, if she does try to put me in a home for not doing the dishes to her liking, I really don't think they'll take me.
I have many cool dreams...and many horrific ones. Almost every time, I can control it and it's so realistic. When it's a good dream, it's pretty cool.
I hope we all feel better soon.
I want things to be normal, too ... and you might be right; people are put into homes when they can't take care of themselves; not stacking dishes the 'right' way isn't good enough :p
DeleteI can never control my dreams! At least, I don't think I can; I'm never aware that I'm dreaming :p
I hope so, too :)
The cool thing is, I'm aware of it often. If I dream about zombies biting me (which doesn't kill me; I become one of them but I don't start killing people), I hear this little voice saying, It's okay. You're dreaming - you're safe in bed. And almost every night, I control what I do in my dreams. Sometimes I control other people, or animals, or even an unmanned vehicle! It's pretty awesome.
DeleteI'm glad you agree. She's never made good of her threats, but it still scares me to think she would even consider doing such a thing. She knows the three of us all need each other financially. Maybe that's the only reason she's kept me here.
Well ... do you remember when I used to talk about dropping out of school, and she'd basically tell me that as long as I was a student she got money from the government so I'd basically better not? I always felt kind of bad about that, like ... Why not encourage me to stay in school because it'll be for the best in the long run, and not because of money? Or, why not just say "I know you can do it"? I felt kind of used - and now I wonder if she was lying, or if she kept claiming me as a student in her house even after I moved out (which was before I graduated, but still).
DeleteI want to think she WANTS you there, just because you're her daughter and she loves you. But ... I have to wonder ... would she keep threatening to send you away for not doing things exactly her way if she wanted you to stay, or is she just hoping to 'scare you straight'?
Sorry, I guess I don't have any answers — or comfort — just guesses. Please let me know anytime you want to talk; I'm here for you about anything. :)
I don't remember that, but I do remember you talking about that before. I'm sorry she said that; it must have hurt.
DeleteI don't know what she wants. I know she's been in extreme pain since July, but I don't see that as an excuse to be, well, rude. I also don't see a problem to correct - I'm not saying I'm perfect; I'm just saying, I listen to my body. If it needs sleep, I go to bed. If I'm hungry, I should eat. Both of them have those privileges; why do they make it seem like I'm not allowed? I still feel like they're treating me like a kid, like nothing I do or say or feel matters at all.
Thank you! And likewise. I always love talking to you. You're the only one who doesn't yell at me every time I open my mouth or make a mistake.
I don't know HOW MANY TIMES I've felt that every time I open my mouth, someone jumps down my throat! (Ew, gross image.)
DeleteThat's what I like about living here - I'm free. If I want to eat twenty cookies, I do. If I want to have cookies instead of soup for lunch, I do. If I want to skip eating for a day or if I want to sleep for ten hours starting at ten A.M., I do ... and no one comments!
I wish I knew what to say and do about your situation, though; you matter to me :)
In that sense, you're lucky. I'd love to be on my own...but I would feel guilty. They can't afford to rent without me. I don't want to make them homeless; I just want them to stop taking life so seriously.
DeleteThank you. :) You matter to me, too!
Have you ever pointed out to them that if they send you away (or if you get sick enough of being treated like that and leave) that they're screwed? I don't know if that would make them ease up or if it would make it all worse . . . :s
DeleteAww, thanks~ :D
I have mentioned it. It doesn't seem to do any good.
DeleteYou're welcome. :)