Well...things here are going slowly and badly. I'm trying to look on the bright side - it could be worse - but sometimes I can't see the bright side. Sometimes the sun just ain't shining. Basically, if I'm not in bed, I'm wishing I were; feeling more tired than usual. I eat, and become even hungrier than I was before I ate. I'm always hungry and tired; but at least before, if I slept or ate something, it got a little better.
Day before last, I stayed in bed until five. Today, three-something. I just didn't see the purpose of dragging myself through the same old, same old, when I was too tired and depressed to open my eyes. The only time I feel like it's been a good day is when I can buy something new - or sweet. Every time I'm able to wake up before nine, I look out of my window to see if the car's still here. If it is, I ask for a ride downtown. And if it's not, I crawl back under the covers.
I don't even see the problem everyone is making it out to be. If I'm too tired to think straight, bed is where I belong. I'm not missing out on anything special anyway. For example, the other day my brother opened Battlefield at least four times. And guess what he's playing, right now?
This level of monotony is ludicrous. I can't wait until bedtime. Or a nap, whichever comes first.
Day before last, I stayed in bed until five. Today, three-something. I just didn't see the purpose of dragging myself through the same old, same old, when I was too tired and depressed to open my eyes. The only time I feel like it's been a good day is when I can buy something new - or sweet. Every time I'm able to wake up before nine, I look out of my window to see if the car's still here. If it is, I ask for a ride downtown. And if it's not, I crawl back under the covers.
I don't even see the problem everyone is making it out to be. If I'm too tired to think straight, bed is where I belong. I'm not missing out on anything special anyway. For example, the other day my brother opened Battlefield at least four times. And guess what he's playing, right now?
This level of monotony is ludicrous. I can't wait until bedtime. Or a nap, whichever comes first.
Depression can affect eating and sleeping like that, and if you're thinking that every day is the same and not worth getting up for, it definitely sounds like depression :(
ReplyDeleteShould've added: Might want to talk to someone about it; even if you don't want medication, sometimes talking can make a big difference. I check Facebook every day, so if you want to message me there, feel free! I love talking to you :)
DeleteIf you'd rather talk to someone else, I hope you do - Mom and Lorne are probably great people to talk to; Lorne always used to cheer me up. I think Jason and Bobbi would also be great to talk to, though I honestly don't know if they understand depression. I've been through it, so I guess I understand it a bit. And there are a lot of people outside the family that could help, too ... :)
I love you; hope you feel better soon and that life improves :)
I've been depressed since I was nine. Talking only made it worse; I need music, games and something sweet to recover. At least, I did; now I don't know what I need. Those things don't seem to cut it anymore.
ReplyDeleteI do know one person who totally and completely under-stands depression, but we're not really that close.
I love you too! I also hope that. How are things with you??
Well, now that I'm out of the hospital (don't know whether Mom talked about it) and I'm off the harsher of my sets of medications, I think I'm doing well - dizzy today, but I plan to take some vitamins and other good things and hope it goes away. :)
DeleteShe did mention it, but she was drunk, so I didn't really understand. I was hoping for an explanation, but she kept repeating herself. Anyway, I hope we both feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteI can tell you all about it (by e-mail), but you should know in advance that some of it might gross you out or freak you out a little ... 'luckily' I was sick enough at the time that nothing really embarrassed me!
DeleteI actually didn't tell Mom all the details - no one but G. and I know right now. Jason (and probably Bobbi) know I was in the hospital and why, but the details make it all much scarier.
I do feel better though, and I definitely hope you feel better soon, too!
* I'll understand if you don't want to full (freaky) story; if so, I can tell you a simpler version ... or keep it very basic. Up to you! I do seem to be missing the embarrassment aspect of it all ... :p
Delete...The details make it all much scarier.
DeleteIt doesn't really sound like you want to talk about it. If you want to tell me, feel free; I'd probably just have to try and sum up the courage to read it...I don't really like thinking of my loved ones in a hospital, where freaky or gross things happen.
lol, when you didn't reply for a while, I was going to add "Or, I can keep it to myself and we can move on knowing I'm out of the hospital and feeling better" :)
DeleteI'll just keep it to myself for now, I guess; I'll probably end up talking about it next time we visit - which might be on Lorne's way-late birthday from last year (July?). Mom told me about it and I'd love to be there, but no guarantees yet. If Mom had given me more than three months' notice, it would be much easier to save money for truck repairs and emergencies ... but we'll see :p
Anyway, I don't mind talking about anything, but I never want to make people uncomfortable, and I get where you wouldn't want to picture the weird things that happen to loved ones - mostly, I don't either. :)
It would be great if you could come over...I'd also like to visit you, for once; but the car's pretty unreliable. If I ever do stop by, I'll have gotten there either by the bus, or walking. And life isn't kind - I can't even save thirty dollars a month anymore. It all goes to household supplies and rent. That being said, it's a good thing I bought some fun stuff when I did, because I don't think I'll have even that chance anytime soon.
DeleteFor sure, if you can stop by, we should talk and cruise and play Crokinole, and just make a day of it, or hopefully more.
One day wouldn't be enough ... a week wouldn't be enough! :p
DeleteAgreed. But a minute is better than nothing. Do you miss the Abbotsford Mall, or someplace outdoors, like Suicide Creek?
DeleteI miss both! In a way, I preferred the mall just because Mom didn't panic every time she heard a noise we didn't make and rush us home; at least if you just go shopping you can spend longer away from home ... but SC was so fun when we went as a family :)
DeleteMaybe, if you come in June (the twelfth month on the tenth day; exactly halfway), it'll be nice enough to go there.
DeleteThey should have a Google Maps type of thing to do the inside of community buildings. I'm sure if they closed the buildings before taking the pictures, no one would mind.
... Isn't the twelfth month December? :p
DeleteI'm guessing the reasons no one has done an 'Interior Maps' is that it would be too easy for criminals to take advantage - they would know what a store sells, where its security cameras are, how to plan an escape route, and probably a lot more.
I've done 'virtual walkthroughs' of other places, though, like one of those weight loss centers that has a 'tour' video on YouTube, and that was kinda cool, but the music was honestly the best part (that video's in my YT favourites just for the music!)
I think I'll stick to playing video games and pretending I'm the one actually walking around when I get lonely and tired of being inside :p
That's true. You've always been smarter than me.
DeleteI do that, too. Sometimes I'll even look up NFSW, put my fingers on the arrow keys and pretend I'm playing it.
Jonesy: "You're smarter than me! You are! Nikki's smarter than me!"
DeleteNikki: "That's better. Oh, and it's smarter than I." :D
(Couldn't resist) :D
Aww, that's so sad! :( Sometimes I just really miss playing it; driving around in the game always gave me ideas and made me feel less alone, less stuck in the house ...
I thought about that scene myself when I wrote that. Actually, the correct syntax is, "...smarter than am I."
DeleteIt did that for me, too. Actually, Lorne's got me hooked on a Facebook app called Gameroom. It's got racing, simulation, war, everything. For awhile we competed against a racing game very much like NFSW, but he got bored. Not me - I'm still playing. I play another where you create and clothe a person to your liking and meet people. Naturally, I dressed my gal up like Nitta Sayuri. Lorne made a Satanic-looking thing with a huge head. Anyway, you don't need an iPhone; you just install it to your computer, sign in with your Facebook account, and you're in. There's a whole bunch of games there.
Really? It's this type of thing that makes me nervous about ever pursuing 'author' as a life goal - I seem to be terrible at it! This time, I'm just going to go pretend I did know and that I was quoting the show knowing it was wrong ... hehe :)
DeleteThat sounds pretty cool, but if it's a Zynga game, I won't even check it out - they always close their best games and if you have a glitch, you can report it a thousand times and they won't so much as acknowledge you. I regret giving them any money. (I guess I'm still a little bitter about all that; I told myself I'd never play games on Facebook again. But maybe some of the other game designers are more loyal to the players that love their games.)
No, you quoted it fine. Nikki got it wrong; I just tend to correct every grammatical mistake.
DeleteActually, I've never seen a Zynga game there. I've seen one glitch, but it only happens if you try to walk to an area you can't access. They moonwalk. You click somewhere else, and the glitch resolves.
Oh, and by the way, I meant June 10th, the sixth month on the tenth day. I was trying to correct my mistake by switching the words around - I'm not surprised I still got it wrong. Sorry about that.
Delete