I have the chance to reconnect with an old friend. But she's not really my friend anymore. In fact, when I went to see her last July, she didn't stick around long after greeting me, and she didn't even notice when I left. And she was right there.
We were actually there for a party for someone else. I just wanted to take the opportunity to see how she was. Nobody had to convince me to go. But I know what kind of person she is. I know her mother would have to talk her into coming over. And if I didn't invite her mother, my 'friend' wouldn't come at all - I know it. She'd either be dragged along against her will, or their visiting me would be postponed, time and time again, never to actually happen.
I've lost many friends over the years. She was one of them. Question is, would I lose her again, or is it still lost?
I've known her for fourteen years plus. We were so close as kids. The day before I had to move, her mom gave me a picture of all of them. I still have it, in top condition. I know I'll hang onto it even if we become mortal enemies. I'm kind of sentimental.
We were actually there for a party for someone else. I just wanted to take the opportunity to see how she was. Nobody had to convince me to go. But I know what kind of person she is. I know her mother would have to talk her into coming over. And if I didn't invite her mother, my 'friend' wouldn't come at all - I know it. She'd either be dragged along against her will, or their visiting me would be postponed, time and time again, never to actually happen.
I've lost many friends over the years. She was one of them. Question is, would I lose her again, or is it still lost?
I've known her for fourteen years plus. We were so close as kids. The day before I had to move, her mom gave me a picture of all of them. I still have it, in top condition. I know I'll hang onto it even if we become mortal enemies. I'm kind of sentimental.
It sucks, but people change as they age, and sometimes people change so much that even their old ‘best friends’ don’t have anything in common with them anymore. I don’t think there’s a fix for it, unless friends can accept each other’s new habits/interests without going against themselves (especially if someone’s new habits include drugs or law-breaking; one should only go so far to relate to a friend before they say ‘Enough’).
ReplyDeleteIn this situation, I think the best thing you can do is let her know you still want to be friends and leave it up to her to decide whether she’s capable of being a friend — and if she isn’t, it might be best to let her go. It sucks to be the friend that tries hard to fix a friendship when the other person doesn’t seem to care, and to accept that an old friend may not even be worth the effort, but sometimes ditching a person who ignores all your attempts at continuing friendship is the healthiest thing.
I know I say all this hypocritically, because Deanna sent me a message a month or two back saying she missed me, and I haven’t replied. I doubt I ever will. As far as I’m concerned, we were ‘kid friends’ — we played together, but we didn’t have a lot in common, and I have no interest in having friends anyway. As we got older, we changed even more, and I started to dislike her. I thought she thought she was ‘too cool’ to be my friend, and when she invited her other friend to go to the mall with us when the two of us had been planning that outing for years, I considered it betrayal. Maybe that’s childish, but that’s exactly the way I am. And she never apologized for springing an extra person on me like that, even though any decent friend would know I’m uncomfortable with social surprises, but she doesn’t seem to remember that about me, so how good a friend was she? Anyway, I could get past all that, but I’m not willing to spend time talking to people or remembering details about their life, so I know I’d be a crappy friend and I don’t inflict myself on others. :)
I think in my case, I just don't want to let go of my kid friends because to this day, they were my only ones. I've tried really hard to be angry with Eleanor, but it seems I can hold onto a grudge forever except for when I want to. All I want to say to her is that I'm sorry things were so messy. For many years I felt like she was treating me like crap - I didn't stop and think I was treating her the same way. Now that I think about it, I couldn't even tell you her birthday if you asked me the day.
DeleteAt the party, Felicity introduced me as her friend. But the rest of the time she ignored me completely. I think I'm going to do with this friendship what I neglected to do with Eleanor's - say hey once in awhile.
I really hope it works out for you :)
DeleteI'm content not having friends, even though I only ever had a few, but I know a lot of people prefer not being alone all the time. I'd also hate being alone, so I'm not ... I get to marry my best friend, and I couldn't have asked for a better family, so all is well :)
I hope it works out, too. Yeah, family's great, but sometimes I just want to remember what it's like to have friends who aren't related.
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