Invisible

      I'm debating whether to take a "powerful" medication that could make me sleep heavily for twenty hours, or at least that's how high the bar has been set. I'm thinking I might as well, since life is kind of boring to a laughable extent. I went downtown today, but I never made it to Wal-Mart. I started feeling like utter shit; I almost vomited on the bus and I felt like my right leg was trying to fall off. So while my mother went in for a haircut I sat in A&W and texted my friend. Or at least I thought she was my friend, but literally every time I text her, she says "Who is this?" and I just feel so...for-gettable. Literally every time.
      So I recuperated, bought a giant Lindt chocolate bar because I love Lindt, but it tastes...different. Yummy, edible, but different; like my taste buds are out of whack. And my stomach keeps doing these nasty flips. Like I ate a gymnast.
      Today could literally be erased from time, and I wouldn't care. Think I'll just get a puke pail, take some Midol and relax in bed.

Shrek 1 Plothole!

      Seventeen years later, I finally see it. And it's only in the first five minutes. The old lady has Donkey on a rope, she's going to sell him, and she expects big money because he can talk. So Donkey's trying to keep quiet, until the jar of fairy dust smashes him on the head and he can't contain his excitement when he starts flying. He starts talking, and the captain wants his guards to seize him!
      Yet nobody gives a damn about the talking pigs. Or the mice. The bears. The wolf. Donkey's cute and all, and I'd gladly let him talk my ears off; but if all animals can talk, he's not special. In fact if the snake and frog are the only animals who don't have that ability, they are the animals you'd want.

Shrek 4 Plothole!

      It's taken me eight years, but last night I began a Shrek story and something dawned on me. Rumpelstiltskin used his magic to get rid of the king and queen. He read the book based on Fiona's life (who can't relate to that?), he knows they had a daughter; why didn't she vanish, too?
      Yes, I know. If she had, the alternate universe couldn't have been defeated, which was in the contract. But obviously Rumpel is a scheming little rat (who was originally designed to look like one, by the way), killing off the king and queen was not in their agreement, and he did it anyway; so if Rumpel had been smart in his deception, he would have made absolutely sure Shrek could not share true love's kiss. And then what? Well, I suppose the real universe would just vanish without anyone noticing; and the alternate universe would continue forever.
      Ugh...

Train Wreck Bus Ride

      I've had the same shoes for fifteen years, so today I went into a shoe store. (And if I ever run my own, I'm absolutely going to call it Just For Kicks.) I tried on several pairs, but I was like the goddamn stepsister in Slipper Hell.
      Then at the bus stop, a big scary guy sat next to me. He didn't seem sick and he didn't say a word to me, so I dealt with it. Then the train wreck bus ride began and oh my God, remind me to never get on a bus. Hell, let's just remind me to never again leave the house, okay?
      This guy had been on the bus before, asking one guy a hundred times, How's Ryan? How's Ryan today? I saw him once trying to get my attention, but I was so annoyed with him already I just ignored him. So of course when he got on the bus again, he migrated right to my seat and sat down without asking if I minded, even though every other seat on the entire bus was available. (Well, the driver seat wasn't, but you get the gist.)
      I was already motion sick, and this idiot kept rocking. Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. I suppose I should be glad he didn't rock side to side and knock into me, but I was just irritated. And was he quiet? No. But he did hush when he figured out I was still ignoring him...It took awhile. Thankfully his stop came before mine; I was afraid he wouldn't let me off.
      And now I learn I have to go to court and testify against our neighbor, who has caused nonstop problems, undoubtedly his whole life. All in all this has been one hell of a week.

Two Funny Guys

      My brother came over with his wife today. Since he moved away from the family when I was a kid I don't really know him, but it turns out he's just as funny as our oldest sibling, which I totally envy because it's a real drag to be a damn buzzkill. Anyway I might not explain everything he said really well, but I'll try.
      The first topic on my list is going to be short, because he was actually coming up the stairs talking to our brother. But he was talking about an old acquaintance whose "penis could fit into a thimble." That's the only part I heard, but it was enough.

      Next are the kids who try to yank out their own baby teeth, but don't really want to. He spoke of this kid who, naturally, had a string tied around his tooth and the doorknob, and he would barely push on the door and then lean forward to avoid having it ripped out. And as he's telling the story, he's leaning back and forth making all kinds of whining groans because he's impersonating both the kid, and the door. (It sounded a lot funnier coming from him.)
      Next up is the pot story. Apparently he smoked it as a teen. Actually this story was told by his wife. I can't remember the details, but apparently he took a drag with a friend and it turned them into little girls; which is funny because he's a big guy with a loud voice. But apparently they were giggling and she imitated the laugh; she made him sound like Bernadette Wolowitz. And I mean her fake laugh in the restaurant.
      He spoke of work, as usual. Best story yet. He said there are a lot of marmots where he lives now, and one fat juicy one got in the way of his big rig. He rolled over it, and he said, "You couldn't get that kind of explosion if you stomped on a packet of ketchup the size of a basketball!"
      So there really is no retelling these stories; I think I would have had to have been there in order to make it as funny as he did. But he had us all laughing; it was so great to have some funny moments with them. Their dog had just died, and I thought they would be bummed out; but even when they looked at pictures of him they had funny stories to tell. Mostly about how much he stank when he got gassy.
      Why are gassy pets so funny? His ass was on my lap and he'd had garlic; it wasn't funny. Loved that dog though. Even afterward. I'm just glad it was just gas.

Karma

      I was watching Finding Nemo earlier, while eating a fish sandwich. Horrible, I know; it must have been unforgiveable, because my DVD player froze. None of the buttons worked; the only thing I could do was unplug it. Ironically it froze at the scene where Gurgle says, "That's disgusting!" and Bloat replies with, "Tastes pretty good to me."

...

      I went downtown today. It was damn near thirty degrees and I saw a lady wearing a sweater under a coat, a scarf, and what looked like ski pants. I also saw a very small Woody Cowboy statue in someone's yard. I had to really look at it (through a dirty bus window), but once I saw the cow-patterned vest I knew it was him... although his nose kind of gave it away at a distance.
      Miserable bus ride it was, too. Not only did the bus start moving before I was seated, but the heaters were on full blast, I got stuck using a sideways seat, and when I moved I think the dude behind me coughed on me. I hate people. I hate buses.
      Thankfully I'm home now, playing a good game, drinking pop, eating pizza. And, I had my first chicken burger in half a year. Before last time, it had been three years! That's too long to go without chicken; it's just not right.
      And unfortunately, two days ago my brother deleted all my Sims games. It had to be done, but I'm sad. No more Mayberry; no more beautiful mansion; no more atrociously evil witch whose birthday, thanks to the genie lamp, was over 300 days away. And she had this wicked palace, too. Big, beautiful, and lit only with the Fist and Claw Of Darkness lights. And every chair was the Darkness throne. I lost that really beautiful Sim, with that eccentric name - which I cannot remember for the life of me.
      Ah, damnit, my Sims 3! My underground mansion, my Sim with over two million Aspiration Points!
      It was for the best....Apparently the Sims games got infected with a virus. That's probably why the townie Lilly Do got cloned to death. Translation: I had about sixty of her on the apartment lot. They all filed into one apartment, and they were all talking and laughing...I should've posted the videos I took; I hope deleting the game didn't delete them too. But it was madness; I even tried deleting them and they would just keep spawning.
      I'll get over losing this session. I don't miss the Quinn family as much. I'll never get over the last session I lost before this one - the West era. Man alive, I must've had two hundred Sims in that family. Some advice - age up Trina Wong and have her marry Sullivan Thayer. They have beautiful kids. Anyway, I haven't even played Family Fun Stuff yet, which I've had for about a month. After this next complete reinstall, I'm going to see what it's all about.
      I'll always miss my immortal, atrociously evil witch...I named her Morbidda Castor. Isn't that beautiful?

      Edit [May 25th 2018] - I remembered her name! I don't remember her parents' names, but hers was Ebony. Her surname was Turner, until she married some guy with the last name Wolosenko.