PMO

      So many times I've been online, people have asked me the one question that makes me want to sink my fingernails into my eye sockets, grab a handful of jelly, and pull.
      "Are you single? Are you single? Are you single?"
      Yes. I am. What about it? Are you making plans in your pint-sized head? Do you think I want somebody so desperate that they ask me online without even meeting me first? People like this 455h013 really p155 me off. "Will you be my gf?" Umm, no. A.), because you're desperate enough to ask me online; B.), I don't like people, C.), you use Internet slang, and D.), I don't think I like men.
      This game is...a game. It's not a dating site. It's called Friendbase, not Get2SecondBase. What kind of person do you think I am? I'm not a whore, and I'm not giving it away to just anyone who asks me. I don't even know if I'd give it away to The One. Not like I believe in The One, anyway. What a load of sh1t.
      From now on when people call me baby, or hottie, or sexy, I'm going to say "Hello and don't call me that." When they ask me if I'm single I'm going to lie and say no. Where do they get the fukking nerve? Like I'm really going to swoon at some pathetic attempt to meet me in a dark alleyway at night.

A Disappointing Endeavor

      I went to two game stores today in search of The Sims 2 Family Fun Stuff. If I hadn't bought chicken strips and a milkshake, I would have come home empty-handed. Both stores only had two Sims games available - Sims 4, and a Sims 4 expansion. I considered buying it...but it wasn't what I wanted.
      So, here I sit. I guess it's time to check on the reviews for my story, and see where I can take it next. I'm actually working on three...Two of them are giving me no end of trouble; I've pretty much given up on one of them. The other book...It's at a surprising moment, but it could be worse. I think.

Sorry - Time To Vent

      I just got up from a six-hour nap, during which I actually slept, finally. I was able to fall asleep twice. The reason I'm over the moon about that is because I got zero sleep at all last night. I was too anxious for payday...which didn't even happen.
      I prepared for this day. I did everything, which almost never happens because I'm constantly at war with myself over how I should spend my time. For once I did all I was supposed to do, and I did it right. And of course, I got no sleep, so I just wanted to get this day over with. Sounds reasonable, doesn't it? But wait! Last week I spent every dime on my $300 safety net savings on gro-ceries. Yet, today, when we were supposed to go shopping in full, she couldn't even be bothered to think of me long enough to pick up a lousy bottle of applesauce, or a single pack of Boost, to get me through the day. (No teeth, if you're not familiar with my blogs.) She and Brother aren't stressed to the hilt, because they can eat whatever they like. I, on the other hand, cannot; and I was at least hoping to get into the store myself. Want to know why I didn't? Because We don't need to. No, you don't need to. I'm too tired. Stop complaining, at least you slept!
      I am just so pissed. I have been since, oh, 9AM? This isn't the first time payday was pushed off to the side at a time when we could afford the food, and could not afford to wait to buy it.
      I think tomorrow I'm not going to bother going out. But I need your help. Well, I needed yours today. I was ready to go, I got all my shyt done, and once again you threw a monkey wrench into Brother's and my plans to, you know, survive? I'm doing everything I can to keep you alive. If that were true, would I be venting right now? No, I'd be eating right now.
      Am I mad about nothing? Am I overreacting? How can you still be venting on this from 9AM? Well, why don't you talk to me tom-orrow at 7:30PM and tell me if you're still mad? You're hurting all three of us! Uh, no, I'm not; you're the one who takes the money and f-cks off!

While The Going's Good

      Things here are not bad at all! I'm actually really happy today (and to think, I didn't get enough sleep!). My book is finally at a point where it should've been in 2014 (which isn't to say I hate every other sentence, because I've had a blast writing this series); and it's really fun and funny. And I finally know what I want to buy: Sims 2 Family Fun Stuff! It's got cute princess hairstyles for chil-dren. Finally, I will be able to make a realistic royal family.
      My computer probably requires a complete reinstall, so if ever I do find the game, it couldn't come at a better time. I really hope deleting everything will be worth it! And if I saved my Life Stor-ies game progress to a disk correctly, then I'll finally be in the Sim-nerd sweet spot of trying to choose between two games.
      I do hope it works. I've been working at this family for years.....
      Even if it doesn't, I suppose a fresh start is a good thing, too. I've read an article online (just now, actually) where this person walked into a store and found Sims 2 and all of its expansions for two dollars. Not sure where that store is, unfortunately; most likely nowhere near me.
      My Facebook game is going great, too! I decided instead of buying a lockbox key every time I have collected just enough coins, I would simply save and save and save, until their big sale in June! I can't wait.
      God, I'm such a nerd. Hopefully you haven't died of boredom reading this. I'd write about something else, but...you know.

Frozen Hell

      Today was the open house event, and oh my God was it a disaster. Of course I got zero sleep; at around 4-ish I finally gave up and watched a movie with only five hours to go before my alarm clock would go off...then crawled into bed and actually managed to fall asleep for half an hour. Naturally, as I always do, I woke up long before my alarm clock went, and haven't been back to sleep since.
      After doing some housework the family and I trekked off through a windy rain to go sit at Mom's boyfriend's house. It was ice cold. I washed my hands with straight hot water and froze my hands in the process. The bar soap doesn't lather at all, so I had to use a mix of (cold) water and hand sanitizer. I couldn't even eat the spaghetti, which felt like I was chewing on wood; we heard a gunshot; and the news repeated itself a billion times before Mom broke the "rule" of not touching the remote control. When Boy-friend arrives, he ruffles my hair - and grabs my shoulders and tries to pull me against the back of the chair. (He's lucky I didn't saw off his fingers.) Then he takes Mom off to get sauced, leaving my brother and me in that desolation for another two hours of hell. We suffered through Counting Cars and two hours of American Pickers. My sweater, jacket, and a blanket were not enough to warm me up; I couldn't feel my fingers or my toes. When they get back he doesn't wash his hands after using the washroom!
      Long story short, it was cooler outside than in, and when we come home...we see that the guests dragged in mud and leaves and dirtied the carpet. My brother finally just had his breakfast a few moments ago. We were all very crabby, we argued and yelled and snapped at one another, and tomorrow we have to repeat the process. Let me assure you, I'm bringing all my winter gear and I'm going to buy fast food beforehand. And maybe instead of suffering through the tedium of television, we can actually indulge ourselves with conversation. Of course, if we do that we'll inevitably get on my brother's favorite topic; farts: frequency, smell, and loudness. So maybe we should just shut up and watch TV.
      Ooh, I just got an idea. I'll eat my food outside and listen to my music. Yeah, that sounds good. Cold and miserable, but at least I'll be relatively alone.

Happy Thanksgiving, Indeed

      Well, I'm happy! Turns out I can not only eat pizza, which I discovered a few nights ago, but I can also eat Thanksgiving dinner. I just pigged out on turkey, potatoes, and a veggie-filled stuffing. I don't feel like I'm starving anymore! And I started my day with a smoothie for breakfast.
      Now I'm going to go watch some Toy Story, and later on I guess I'll have some ice cream. Not a bad day, after all.

Sigh...Depressed Late-Night Ramblings

      If we have anything in common, it's probably that we're piss-ass broke. Despite that, my life was fairly easy. The stress of being poor was of course overwhelming, but I knew that come payday, things would get better...
      Now that I'm poor and toothless, it's different. Every single day I'm waiting for more money, anxious to buy more foods. Every single day I know my family will be okay until more money comes in, but for me it doesn't make a difference when it gets here or not. It'll run out too fast. It always does.
      My mom spoke of my issue recently with a little old lady who had dentures. This lady is ninety-something, and she wanted me to go do my denture fitting. Then she recalled her own and it made her nauseated just to think about it. Apparently during these pro-cedures, everyone gets queasy.
      Do I wish I still had my teeth? Well...sometimes. No pizza, no burgers, no Subway, no KFC. But I feel great. I'm just hungry. These soft foods aren't enough. Or if they are, I don't have a sufficient supply. For twenty-two years I felt like I would starve to death moments after eating a big meal, but at least I knew I could eat anything I could afford. Now I'm making myself sick with a "buffet" of tuna, smoothies and pudding, and that's only on the good days. To make matters worse the damn welfare office denied me a food grant.
      It probably seems a simple solution to you. Do the procedure. Get teeth. Vomit as much as you have to and then it's over - but it's really not. You have to do the procedure again and again to make the slightest adjustment, or replace them entirely. After all that, they might not fit. Each time, it costs big money.
      To no avail I've done it four times; I've gagged enough.
      I suppose I could use my savings...but I'll never see this much money in my pocket again, not if I'm always using it up. You know, life shouldn't be this hard. Not for anyone. Life shouldn't be so greedy that countless people suffer. Those who make it happen should reassess what the word humanity means to them. It shouldn't be this damn difficult to try and have a little fun money. If the world has been turning for millions of years, and the average human dies in their seventies if they're not murdered or in an accident, if you really think about it death is right around the cor-ner. So can't we help one another while we're still here? Do we really have to suck so much?