...

      I'm too damn tired and nauseated to sleep. Feels like my eyes are on fire. Still. You know, that sensation has never gone away - I've always been unbelievably exhausted. When sleeping pills give you energy and chocolate drains you, it really feels like you have no other option but to say fuck all and go to bed whenever you damn well please. Here I sit, 3:45 AM, knowing full well I won't ever have the perfect routine...which is just fine with me. Not much to look forward to anyway.
      Yesterday the family ordered pizza. I put mine through the blender, but it took out all the enjoyment of having takeout. It was just spiced mush that tasted no better than regular mush. I'll stick with yogurt and Boost and pudding. I'm getting my belly back, but I think I might buy a gym pass instead of a new computer and do something good for myself. (I considered using the money to get my book published, but I'm told it costs over three grand).
      I've been nauseated a lot lately...Keep getting bruises I can't explain. There's even a spot of blood on my pillow. No idea why. The good news is, it looks old. I guess for tonight I'll just flip the damn thing and change my bedding tomorrow. And I'll probably look up the symptoms for inexplicable bruising.
      Tomorrow. I have the sudden urge to go back to bed.
      Wonder why that is. Yawwwnnnn...