A Bizarre Thought

       When I was trying to sleep last night, I had a bizarre thought. In 2003, I was a fourth-grader and all my classmates were fifth. I was born in '92. So, I may very well have gone to school with people born in the '80s!

Payday

       We got groceries today. And my family surprised me with three birthday presents; my very own bottle of Parmesan powder, to which I may be addicted, a new purse, and fuzzy pants that are indes-cribably soft and fit me like a glove...albeit in a very weird place.

      I'm feeling better, I think. Overall. I think sleep is the problem. No, scratch that. I think trying to sleep, but staying awake instead is the problem. I was hardly socializing before, even with the people I live with. There were literally days where I'd come out of my room, and they'd greet me with, "Good evening! Goodnight."

      Apparently eight hours of sleep each night is recommended. I've been prioritizing sleep because of my insomnia. Twelve hours, no matter when I go to bed, even if it's eight in the morning, even if it's just crying the whole time. But I think I'm going to restrict myself to as little sleep as fucking possible. Stay awake for three days, sleep for three hours. I did that last night and had an amazing sleep. I'm not even bitchy! I'm not yelling and slamming things for no fucking reason whatsoever. That's good! I ruin so many things, and I don't want my family to be one of them. I think I'm sharper when I'm sleep-deprived, and not all moody over my latest crippling nightmare.

      I'm also sharper when I'm sick. Not like I ever want to be; I'm not going to go out and intentionally catch something, but I do seem to think clearer. It's weird. I'm weird. But the day I'm sleep-deprived and ill, I'm going to try something I'm loath to do...math. Maybe my book will go better!

      Or I'm crazy. Or I'm kidding! Ah, who knows anymore? Who cares? All I know is, I've stopped trying to convince myself that I never need to socialize. Maybe all loners are kidding themselves.

New Dream

       I didn't take my sleeping pill last night. I'd taken a nap earlier, and had the same dream twice where these bears are ripping people apart. So I thought I'd try to sleep without any influence. While my brother's house may have found its way into my dream again―will it ever fucking stop?―I did not dream about kidnapping or bears again. Instead I got the cast of That '70s Show and the cast of The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air all singing the Fresh Prince theme song.
      It sounded good. It was on a lower tune and performed a little slower, giving it a melancholic spin. Just like my House dream with The Love Of Xing Lo in it, which is still and will always be my favorite. This dream was 99% the cast of Fresh Prince, though, with only a fast glimpse of the other cast. Still, Hyde and Jackie and all of them made a bigger appearance than Will Smith.

      Good brain!

Pill Dream

       I've started a new pill that actually helps me fall asleep and not have nightmares. I still get them, and they are worse in nature, but they're less frequent at least. They take awhile to wear off and unfortunately don't help me to feel rested, so I'm still exhausted and bitchy as long as I'm awake. Sucks, but at least my sleep is a little better. I thought nothing could help.
      The dream I just had is very strange, kind of hard to follow if you don't live in my head. Wow, I would sure be a slumlord, wouldn't I?

      Anyway, I'm standing in a real swampy area, petting a mud-covered pig. My sister's standing right in the mud, covered head to foot, catching frogs and chasing out this really, really blue frog. Then the scene changes; it's just my mother, brother, and me. We're clean, we're walking outside at night in my current neighborhood. I get a phone call from someone who never calls me; a friend and neighbor from my old neighborhood, who has been kidnapped. Well, adult-napped, really, or should I just say stolen?

      They hang up on me, and my family tries calling the number, but both of their phones are dead. We end up at the building where she's being held, and suddenly I'm Tom Ellis and everything we say appears in closed captions, so I know what'll be said before we say it. The kidnapper takes off her mask and I, as Tom, calls her Remy. But when I see her face, it is Remy freaking Hadley, not Remiel!

      We negotiate the blue frog, and I wake up before I know how it turns out.

      Apart from the company I keep changing randomly, it is the longest continuity I've had in a dream. Not the first time I've become a TV character, but it is the first time I've been Tom Ellis and had visible sentences.

      Kinda makes me wonder what I'm putting into my body, but whatever. Whatever prevents me from dreaming that I'm a criminal, or I'm trying to elude criminals, or I'm getting devoured by a wild animal... I really don't care anymore if the pills are actually a health hazard, I just want dreams that are more weird and stupid, than utterly terrifying.

Low Point

       Well, I'm not excited anymore. It's hard to feel anything good when you can only sleep for two hours, max, and can only alternate between dreaming that you're being chased by bears, or dreaming that you just traveled five hours to get back to where you were. Today it took me until after 8 AM to fall asleep, and yes, I did wake up just one potty break ago. I dreamt that I hung out at my sister-in-law's house, we got in the car, did the five-hour drive, and got out at my sister-in-law's house. She said she wanted to go home right away, got pissed at my brother for not seeming interested at all, and then began to cough up these impossible, huge things from her lungs. A small towel and an egg carton, if I recall.
      That's where I woke up. Dream number two, I dream that I woke up to tell my family about the first dream, while standing in my sister-in-law's house. Dream number three, I dream that I dreamt that I woke up to tell my family.

      Confusing, right? Dream number four, Andrea accidentally seduces Milton because she used a mannequin's severed hand to point at her body. Don't ask me why, though it's not like anyone's here except those who will report my blog for things it does not contain, but it is the second Walking Dead dream I've had in two days. Not the second one I've had, ever, but I'll take a field of zombies over one more Möbius strip dream.

    I'm starting to miss the nightmares; at least they went somewhere exciting. I'm also starting to wish I'd said no to the best trip of my life. I got to try new foods, see new creatures, and we went to the beach. I've wanted a trip like that for, gee, thirty years, but I couldn't enjoy it. Had a little problem with my foot. Sometimes I get this cramp that feels like someone is shoving a long, jagged piece of wood through it, and when I took my shoes off to wade in the rocky water, oh my god, it hurt so much. Those things were a lot more fun in my childhood.

    I wanted that for so long. Now I just want to take it back. Mean-while, we have children outside calling out, "Ice cream, one dollar!" and I have to sit here and listen to my family complain, "I'm going to hear that in my sleep."

    Big deal. I'd love to have a dream about ice cream and happy children. My poor, poor family. The only reason they're not yelling at me right now for having such a bad attitude is this blog! In retrospect, might want to use it more.

...

       I wonder how long it'll be before I stop being excited that I recently got a game account back. I'd been locked out of it for about two years. Not only is everything still there, but the game is different. They actually added shiny clothes and items. I changed my girl's look right away. Nothing beats how she did look, but change is sometimes good. Anyway, now I can finally keep working on getting past level 39. I should probably be level 50 by now...

      Today, I finally got more than two hours of sleep. Four! Best part is, I had a cool dream; that I was playing a supernatural Super Mario Brothers. I'd totally play it if it came out, and they should call it Supernatural Mario. I mean, duh. Anyway, there were these new zombie enemies that could reach out and grab you. Mario was a terrible jumper and very slow with his tail, but he could grab a block and carry them. He could reach up and grab a block, he could kneel and grab, and the idea was to seal off the walkers and build your way to the top.

      It was so cool. He even blinked the first time a character walked through him, and then leaped off the screen when he died. It was awesome! Like a mix of Super Mario, Minecraft, and The Walking Dead.

Untitled

       I recently dreamt that I was at the mall again, this time with the entire freaking cast of Walking Dead. Magna was going to steal from me and Yumiko was going to stop her. Also dreamt that I got engaged inside my very own prison cell; kind of bizarre. It looked akin to the dungeon level in 007: Agent Under Fire.