YAWN!

      It shouldn't even be possible to go so long on so little sleep. I've been awake until 4AM or later for a week at the very least. I keep promising myself that tonight I'll take sleeping pills, tonight I'll take two, but then I schluff off to bed without taking even one.
      Not like it matters. Last time I bothered with it, the damn thing gave me energy and I cleaned house.
      My eyes are burning. My head is spinning. My mind is still whirring but my body is still trying to shut down. I am tired. I need rest! But of course, I can go to bed at 8PM, sleep uninterrupted until 3PM the next day, and still be more tired than when I went to bed the previous night. It's just not my - ah, screw it - life! The only reason I keep going is my family; that's the only good part about living. Everything else sucks. I sleep, but am never rested. I eat, but can never get full. I have several deadly health conditions that just don't want to kill me! Seriously! What's the delay about?
      Yes, I love my family. No, I'm not scared of death. Why should I fear the one thing I don't need to live with? My biggest worries are getting my will finished and legalized, becoming an organ donor and maybe even getting life insurance. Once those are done, my soul is free to take. Onward and upward.
      Well, onward, anyway.

The Night's Still Young

      Well, things here are going okay. I fixed my book, moved to Sims 2 because Life Stories is bringing me down, and things in that game are flyin'. My girl is pregnant with her eighth child - ninth, if she has twins again. And then I only need her to have so many more before her lifetime wish of having ten kids is fulfilled. Phew! I think that's where I'll stop; because after that wish is completed they want twenty kids, and that's ridiculous. And who knows how many kids they'll want after they get those twenty kids!
      Besides, two babies at once is enough. Her husband was at work, her kids were at school, and she was juggling their needs. The baby girl had to fall asleep reeking of a dirty diaper while her brother was cared for; and I had to bring the fridge, garbage can, and two sinks into the room just so I could bathe them, feed them, and dispose of the formula bottles without making her run up and down the stairs. I think if she has twins again I'll just make their needs static, so they can just focus on life a bit before they grow up. (I wish I could do that for real. I'd freeze my needs and motherlode the shit out of myself!)

      I guess I'll go wash my hair now. It should be a good time to do it. And then, well, I might just make something hot to eat. I'm bloody freezing my hands off. Yet again.

A Sims Oddity

      I was gaming earlier, playing The Sims 2, and I directed my child Sim to change her appearance. I had just bought a floor-to-ceiling mirror and that was the one I clicked on. So, she gets to the mirror and a stool appears under her feet. A friggin stool. And she's using a full-length mirror; I mean, really?
      I told my family about it. They laughed and didn't believe me. So, I showed them. And I would insert the image I took, so I could show you too; but surprise, surprise, you can add photos to your blog by using everything except your own collection on the computer. Just another oddity; only millions of trifles more inconvenient.
      Well, I had planned to do my treasure hunt with a driver whose streak is only a week long. But I just don't care about it anymore. It's just a week; and let's face it, virtual progress can only get me so far. I guess I'll practice playing my piano. I already have completed Canon in D and Ave Maria. Now it's time to learn, and hopefully master, some Nightwish songs.

So Here I Sit

      Guess I'll be getting to bed even later than last night. I don't know why I didn't bother getting out of bed until 4:30...it's not like I didn't sleep last night. Went to bed before 1AM, fell asleep pretty quickly, slept uninterrupted until 10. The start of the 17th could have been just as nice as the end to the 16th.
      So, my book is rapidly climbing to its 65th page. It's getting good, too! One of my characters is being held hostage by the man her sister loves; and I haven't even introduced the character it was all supposed to be about. She might just have to wait for another book; I mean this is a story all by itself. It's certainly not the magic PC Cast can conjure, but hey, this is a magic that's all mine!
      In other news I think I might be developing OCD. Everything has to be straight. Grammar has to be correct. I can only wear black out of the house. If I eat five chocolates, each wrapped in a different color; I have to eat them in the order they would come in if it was a rainbow. Oh, and you just do not round off the numbers on your clock - if it is 3:29, it is not 3:30, it is 2:29, end of story. I'm getting on my own nerves! And yet, I don't want to change it. Bah.

@#$%

      **ck my life. I am so tired of everything. Guys especially. I swear, they're only *i**s because they have *i**s. They can just rot in ****. Excluding the good guys in my family, I give up on them. They're just not worth this ****. ****ing ***holes.

Needed That Nap

      I went back to bed when we came home, like I said I would; and fell asleep almost immediately. I even dreamed. It was about me, some strangers with their baby, and a childhood friend who I haven't seen in years (come to think of it, it has been awhile since we had just even a phone chat). It's extremely bizarre that I would dream of her, since I had incorporated a character by the same name into my book just recently (and because to my immediate knowledge, I never have dreamed of her before).
      Well, I suppose I have been watching too much of The Walking Dead; because there were zombies, too. And not surprisingly, we had a massive throng that broke the - can you guess? - chain link fence. My friend, who hadn't aged at all, was just a girl and she was terrified; and for some reason I was playing the role of her parent. I suppose my creative, unconscious self hates zombies; because all the furniture was perched all nice and snug on the top bunk of a bed. I'm not even sure why I was so proud of it; all the ladders were in the cellar, the furniture was upper-floor level and the zombies could have easily gotten me. But anyway, here we are climbing these ladders, terrified of and prepared for a war that never came; listening to a baby laughing as we watch all these zombies spill out into the yard.
      I used to be able to control my dreams; which isn't even untrue. I could control my own movements, what I said, what I did, where I went. Not the situation itself, but me. And I would have this voice telling me, "It's alright, it's a dream. You're asleep, safe at home."
      But now I can't do that. The fear has always been real; but now I don't have that voice, telling me I'm safe. The dream version of me is much more scared.
      This one time, in a dream where it was rainy, I controlled a car even though I wasn't in it. Another time I was searching this glorious mansion and the forest beyond it for my sister, who had completely changed her appearance and was living outside in a barn with no doors, with a bunch of other people and a bunch of cats; and I barely recognized her as I walked by. And the mansion was in the middle of moving in, and I was sidestepping all these burlesque men in their tees, and all I could do was ogle the house and the farm animals I would see from the giant windows. Another time I was running through a house, my family was with me and we were in danger; and this damn house kept manipulating its shape, taking away all the exits or making them lead right back inside. Another time I was two inches tall and living in a Styrofoam house. Another time I had climbed a tree to rescue a possessed bird egg. In all of these dreams, I could control my actions.
      That's not even the weird part. The weird part is that all went away when I blogged about it for the first time, asking anyone if they could relate. Now when I dream of zombies, I wake up thinking it was real. And then I calm down and wonder why my dreams aren't as special. They're still very vivid, but I miss the days when I could control the dream version of myself. It sounds more than crazy, and I wouldn't be too surprised if I'm tracked down and locked up; but it's true. They're just made less predictable now, and the fear I feel in my dream is actually still there when I wake up.
      Yeah. I hear it too. Sounds psycho. If I wasn't the one it was happening to, I probably wouldn't believe it either.

Just As I Thought

      Today was, just as I had suspected, extremely disappointing. Not only did I delete over fifty photos in anticipation of taking more; but I couldn't even take just one. And of course, I listened to my mother's advice and did not bring a jacket; so I couldn't enjoy the only stop we did make. It was bloody cold out there, and so I spent most of that stop in the damn car. Out of that entire trip I spent maybe four minutes outside the car; and one of those minutes was the estimated thirty seconds it takes to get to and from the car.
      And naturally, I got three hours of sleep last night. So, I'm off to bed again. Best part of the entire day. It must almost pay not to get my hopes up; because I have an embarrassment of riches in disappointments. Goodnight, world.