Self-Torture

       I used to think things just happened. Sometimes there was a reason, sometimes not. Lately I can't get it out of my mind that everything we do has influence. I go for walks a lot, and all I can think is, if I turn left, I might meet someone who could finally be my first true, actual friend. But if I turn right, I could get struck by a car. And if I go to the park, I could get bitten by a dog. But if I circle the block, I could find some money.
      I cannot stop thinking about cause and effect. It's in my head every time I put on my coat.