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       My day didn't start out well; running on no sleep, I had to go downtown. Typical. I never sleep on payday. Then it just got worse! I got a headache, and general soreness all over. Went to my bank, withdrew, went to the store (apparently one guy was really checking out my hair, which is very close to my knees now). Tried to pass off as a human being, right? So I'm loading up the cab with groceries, and my hair decides to just spill all over the place. It got caught on everything and I yanked it so many times. Then I almost dropped the orange juice, which likely would have exploded and destroyed the driver's car. And then I bashed my head. Finally got home and realized my bra was only half-on, and the strap was hanging out of my sleeve.

      Shit. Worst day I've had in...ever? Anyway, I was so miserably exhausted that everything sounded weird, so I guzzled my energy drink and downed five sugar cookies. Hell, I've never felt attractive to begin with. I just want the energy to make it to my bed.

      The good news is, my brother got a spare keyboard, which he hooked up to my computer. I'm typing, and finally, the people who call from Egypt won't be able to comment on how quickly I type. But I was staying within my limits and reading the box. The product is actually terribly described; listen to this. "Pull back the spring design,rebound ligh delicate and comfortable touch Effective control of the space bar rebound. Durable UV character, durable UV character,wear-resisting."

      Don't capitalize whole words in the middle of your paragraphs, remember to hit the space bar, the word light ends in a T, and I don't know why you keep saying rebound. I wasn't in a relationship with my old keyboard.

      These people really need me. Anyway the new mouse is extremely mobile, so I put it on the wiping cloth for my glasses because I haven't had a pad in ages. I should get a pad. Oooh, I wonder if I can get one with a skull on it! Probably, yeah. I also picked up two new shirts which I have yet to try on. I can barely raise my left arm, it hurts so bad; but I'm actually looking forward to seeing if they fit. I hope so. The store didn't have any changing rooms, and I don't have the courage to just start taking my clothes off in front of everyone... But I was given a 30-day allowance to return the items.

      I hate shopping, but I grabbed them in five minutes. I was actually hoping to replace an old shirt, but I swear it was one of a kind. Google has been useless. I haven't seen that shirt in forever and I'm pissed; it was my favorite one. Seems like somebody just stole it from me and used it to mop up a puddle or something.

      And I seem to be getting over my issues! Yay me. The whole getting ghosted by someone who said he never would, the comment about being slapped. I think I'm moving on. God, I hope so. I didn't want to live with myself. And I know I did nothing wrong. Liked him, loved him, supported him, gave him space. Got carsick, like a demon. I'm not really mad anymore, but it still boggles my mind. Hitting someone because they don't travel well has the same logic as hating someone for not having your skin tone. Just saying.

      Oh, I love this keyboard. I can type and think at the same time. In other news, my mother's boyfriend gave me 16 books that just don't appeal. It's about spaceships, and queens, and whatever a tree cat is. Lot of fights in space in these books. I said they read back as Star Wars for the Amish, then I happened to see that the name of one of the ships was in fact Vulcan. Weird, right?

      I also extended the offer to read a stranger's book because he was down on having no audience. He doesn't know me, the connection again is through my mother's boyfriend. My mother described it as Harry Potter style, and given the books they thought I liked, I've been dreading this whole thing... But, if I help him, then maybe he'll help me. That's sort of a cool prospect. I have one friend on my Facebook who is a published author who's even traceable on the internet, but even she is always grasping for reviews and ratings.

      I have another Facebook friend who is a musician in a band. I suppose that's as close to the limelight as I'll ever get. I like my privacy, but not so much the loneliness. Every time I go to Wal-Mart, I'm reluctant to leave. I hate shopping, but there's people there. I always thank my drivers and cashiers and tell them to have a good day, but today I said my first hello to a pedestrian. Just because she was smiling.

      Everybody's so angry lately. Racist, and homophobic, overly supportive of the transgender stuff. Or they just have some superiority complex, hating everybody equally. I got used to hearing about white people getting pushed, or run over, so now it surprises me to see one white person attacking another. I wish nobody would care about the outside. I wish they would all shut up. I don't care if they are supportive―or opposed. There are so many more things to live for, and these days everybody just wants to hurt everybody else.

      I'm trying so hard to be nice. I don't know if it's worth it. I watch TV and see a cast of all colors, smiling and talking and supporting. I see it on live news. I know it's out there. But why can't it be local? Why can't it be current, instead of just...old videos that were once live? It's like something broke in everybody's minds all at once.

      I guess the best news of all is, I can go to bed anytime I want. Don't have to go out tomorrow. I will either not sleep or have a nightmare that will make me want to not sleep ever again, but it hardly matters. I know as soon as I lay down, like magic, I'll be wide awake.

      Maybe I'll give Benadryl another chance. The way I feel right now, something's gotta give. My wrist seems to have healed; it recently hurt so, so, so, so bad. I actually had to pick it up with my other hand when I was trying to stand up, because I couldn't just take it off the desk. I still have a bruise that goes halfway up my arm, but it feels great. It's so good to lock the bathroom door without having to bend my body instead of turning my hand. That pain didn't last long, not like this stinging sensation behind my ear. That's been going on for months; even ice hurts. I think about the hospital sometimes, but I'm so phobic about my past. And Covid.

      It's not that terrible. I'll soldier through. To feeling better, to my death. I honestly don't care. Really, all my energy goes into keeping my head up.