Shrek Bloopers

SHREK BLOOPERS

CATGAL15

FEB 21, 2013

1:00 AM

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Let's just get one thing straight before you read. In truth, the Shrek characters are like my second family. I have the entire first movie completely memorized and when I have a sleepless night, I play it in my head, over and over again because the script is so right. Everything about it is perfect. If one word hadn't been exactly the word it is; it would have thrown the whole thing off, and when I watch the movie or play it in my mind, I am immediately calm and happy...It's just so right!

But I pick at it because I am a very literate person. Not in real life, because I have a speech impediment; but on the computer, where I can erase and reform my sentences. My literacy makes me highly unable to let anything go. If I find one thing wrong, I fanbash - I take what I love, and break it apart so I see what I call a mistake.

And if you don't like that, maybe you should click away.

I have one more thing to say. I'm sorry I keep blogging about this; but I feel like I have matured somewhat and want to share my new blog. I promise, after this, I'm done.

Without further ado...Here it is: A list of SHREK bloopers I have seen, or been shown.

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First movie:

1. In the beginning, when Shrek meets Donkey; he says to him, "Take a look at me! What am I?" So, Donkey looks him over. As donkeys are colorblind, stated later by Donkey himself, it is odd that this part is in full color.

Second movie:

1. These bloopers happen near the end of the movie. Donkey has become a stallion horse and Shrek, in human form, and Puss in Boots are riding on his back into the castle. Puss in Boots jumps off to "repay his debt"; in other words, let them continue on their way while he delays the guards chasing them. So, my question is, when Shrek bursts into the courtyard and says "Hey you! Back away from my wife!", how does Puss come back to them so quickly?

2. Shrek reveals to Fiona that if they kiss right away, they can both remain in their human forms. She stops his kiss and they transform into their ogre forms. Before the transformation, he wears clothing borrowed from a Far Far Away resident. Fiona wears a formal white dress. And yet, after the transformation; she wears her green dress and he wears his everyday attire: a white shirt under a brown vest, and plaid leggings. While I think it is better than being naked; that is a major mistake.

3. This blooper happens just minutes before the aforementioned bloopers in #2; although it is not so much a blooper as a slip-up by, yours truly, Jennifer Saunders. Where the lyric is supposed to be, "Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?"; she sings it as, "Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising wolf?" And when you listen to the version by Frou Frou and then to Saunders' version; she even got the tune wrong.

Third movie:

1. As a Shrek fan, I say this as kindly as I possibly can. This is the most boring and least enjoyable movie in the series! While I didn't find any true bloopers in this episode (yet); what I can say is this: Shrek should not be locating Artie. Fiona should. It is her cousin, not his. Oh, and despite my love for the jolly green giant; he lacks the very persuasion and reason he claims to have, and this is evident when he raises both fists and announces that he has those admirable qualities. I'll admit, I'd be persuaded to listen to the man who could take me down; but that is no way to settle anything, especially if he of all people can't handle the very duty he's getting a young man to take on.

2. Lookie here! I do have bloopers in this episode to share with you. The first takes place shortly after Puss and Donkey have swapped bodies. Shrek is being approached by two guards who see his picture in the posters hanging on the wall behind him. While Artie is attempting to fend off the guards, Shrek - playing the part of a snobby superstar - says they are dealing with amateurs. He clearly directs this statement to Donkey; even addressing him. However, Donkey hadn't spoken. He should have directed this statement to Artie.

Fourth movie:

1. Rumpelstiltskin was a quiet, well-mannered father in the third movie. What the hell happened? Suddenly he's a greedy little child.

As for the third movie, I've been avoiding it because it just hurts me so much to see a plot so devoid of the humor and talent the other movies do have. Okay, Fiona's pregnant. That's fine; and maybe that alone is why Shrek went to get Artie instead of Fiona. But she's a princess. Surely they could accommodate her and ensure that while on the journey that was really her responsibility; she would be comfortable and in no danger of miscarrying later on. Besides, it's a family film. They wouldn't make the main character's wife lose any children. So why then, you ask, does Shrek experience that in the fourth movie? It's very simple. Shrek cannot get pregnant, so it's considerably less traumatizing; and furthermore, the Fiona in the proper universe wasn't even aware of what had happened. The Fiona in the alternate universe did not care.

Oh, and DreamWorks...From the bottom of my heart I love Shrek. The first, second and fourth movies are spectacular, despite everything. But please. Get it together. Your half-hour specials are shit. If you can make a bunch of short thrillers, surely you can make another film. Long and busy, the way all your viewers like it!

And seriously. If there ever is another Shrek made; it needs to be about King Artie, and whomever he may choose to reign by his side as his wife and Queen.

I hope you've enjoyed my fanbashing. I am finished! I seriously doubt anyone will find more mistakes in Shrek Forever After; because so much about that movie is just so spot-on. Like when Shrek fades from Fiona's arms and she sits in the sunrise, and remains an ogre. That hit me so hard the first time I saw it. I could not believe how much talent I'd seen.

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Shrek belongs to DreamWorks (God bless it - and them).