An Other Another Late Entry

      I had my weirdest dream yesterday or maybe the day before. House and Chase, who are straight in the show, were being intimate. At least trying to be, but Chase was flatulent, kind of spoiled the mood. Oh, and I found a note I wrote myself in 2021 as a "reminder"; I've seen green headlights and a skateboard with a single wheel going through the middle. If I hadn't seen another today, I'd have forgotten to add that. Now I can throw that note away.
      Apart from that, nothing really different. I've gone out a lot this week. Mailed a package, did my taxes, went to the bank. That was supposed to be one efficient outing, not three. Today alone, I went up and down about 111 stairs. Without the shortcut we took through the school and the stairs at Community Services, it's still about 75 stairs per trip. The most exercise in a week I've ever gotten. My next most comparable day is when I did 100 situps, which was likely in 2009.

      I could work out more. Hell, I guess it's the only thing I can afford to do. Financially, anyway. Certainly not physically. Two slices of pizza for six dollars; now that I can do! I was hoping to do pizza tonight and invite a friend over for dinner and games, but we're having this cheesy, oniony hot dog stuff instead. So maybe tomorrow, even though it's a lot less convenient.

      And other than that... Well, my hair has reached my goal. So now I can choose between cutting it or setting a new goal. Took me just five years to grow it from my chin to below my hips. I go out and people feel the need to talk about it. It's great. I finally have something on my body I can take pride in.

      My family has just turned on Married With Children, so I'm outta here. I so wish I could have my computer in my room. Not for blogging reasons. I've now run out of things to say.

Finally, An Awesome Dream

      I guess it can still happen; today, I did not dream about homicide and children being ripped apart by animals. Or my criminal step-father—yay! The weird part is, I had this dream many years ago. It featured the same girl I never met. Her name was Paige.

      Like before, she had long, wavy, light brown hair and a huge smile. She was doing all the same things, all the same way. I guess I am getting ahead of myself. I meet her inside a mall, which gets closed while a lot of people, including myself, are inside. But the dream starts inside a crappy little house filled with bugs, and my grandmother's things. Things I haven't seen for almost 20 years, things that were promised to me after her passing. The world's ugliest chair, with wooden knobs poking out of the arm rests and little barns and farm animals all over. Her rocking chair, dresses. Et cetera.

      The house had rafters, too; so it was actually pretty barn-like. I remember looking at the window and seeing a bus go by. Then I come up these stairs, and find my grandmother's things. I'm going through them, and the dream is practically on mute. Like there's a reverent silence or something; kind of out of character for me, not going to lie. Anyway, I'm kneeling, and somebody else comes up the stairs, sees my leg on the floor and runs over, concerned for my welfare and actually saying my name. I can't remember if this person is male or female, so I'll do something I hate and refer to this person as them. God, I hate that so much. Anyway, I ask them if they will be keeping them safe forever, they say yes, and I just hug them and accept it (again, very out of character; I guess in my dreams, I'm nice or something). Because at least I know the possessions are safe.

      Okay, now I'm at the mall. It's so crazy detailed. I'm shopping and hating it, but taking my time; that's actually perfectly in character. I'm supposed to be with a group, but they're not waiting for me and I don't care, good riddance to anyone who wants me to rush. I'll freaking walk home at my speed. I'm looking at PS4s, GameCubes, even movies. I'm seeing Logan, and it's actually got Hugh Jackman on the cover. It's crazy detailed. There's lights, cleaners, other people shopping in every direction. That's when I get to the end and think I'm locked in for the night, my group is locked out. Whatever, I don't care; they've got bathrooms, the people who serve food are in there, I'm starting to think it's April Fool's and the workers have reached their capacity for imagination. Or they're exceeding it.

      Then Paige and her family wave me over, and ta-da, the other end of the mall is wide open. Maybe they really are closing, and they just can't get all the doors at once. But now, I find it in my heart to hurry. We get outside the mall, and all of a sudden I'm Brooke Nevin. I guess all that shopping went to my head.

      I'm even leaving stuff out, like the part where I give Paige and her mother a necklace. Keep in mind I have no idea now if they were mine, my grandmother's, or if I shoplifted them both.

      I've been dreaming of actors a lot lately. The man who told me the mall was closed, for one. And yesterday, I dreamt that I was floating in zero gravity with Howard and Bernadette. Go figure. It has been so bloody long since I watched Big Bang Theory!

      But normally, I fall asleep for a few minutes at a time and wake up if I roll over. This sleep, which took me two hours, was actually enough. I feel capable of doing what I have to do. Which is good. Because the buses aren't running anymore, and I have to do a lot of walking tomorrow. I'm considering not even talking to my friends. Just get home, bathe in Purell, and hope my heart doesn't explode. Or my lungs don't collapse. Or my throat doesn't close. Damn those buses.

      Negan appears the most. I guess he's the man of my dreams. 😄

Yippee, Skippy

      I have less than an hour left of being 29. On Friends, the characters freak out on their 30th birthdays and I'm just not seeing what the big deal is. I doubt it'll freak me out in 50 minutes. I have always had a hard time feeling emotion, and it's been getting worse.

7th Hell

       On the seventh, I'm guessing, I just wanted to sleep. Instead, I had to go on a short-notice shopping trip. We live in a very hilly area, with a slanted driveway and two flights of steps. It's hell, especially with my heart and lungs. Actually I did sleep, just long enough to have a nightmare; and again it involved a firetruck crashing. This time I was a firefighter, too; and I arrived on scene to find a firetruck on its side. Two people were attempting to push it back up onto its wheels. Then, because four people couldn't do the trick, I got fired and I was just glad to be done with that job. Never actually had a job; but I'm an incredibly lucid dreamer and I've been playing a lot of Sims 3 Ambitions... Take from that what you will.

      Anywho, when we got back from the store, I went to sleep for awhile. Woke up at dinnertime and went to the washroom looking forward to having my nice hot chicken. Came out, and it was all gone! They didn't leave me a single bite; they didn't even refrigerate my portion. How fucked up is that? I paid $220 for groceries and didn't even get a cold meal.

      I'm a vindictive person. I'm thinking about drinking all the special, pulpy orange juice and then asking them if they wanted any.

Ugh, LIFE

       I had plans today. I was going to have a hamburger dinner, and then a smoothie. Or maybe I'd do the smoothie for breakfast. Well, my family didn't leave me any burgers, and there was no ice. I was offered a grilled cheese, but apparently I can't do cheese anymore. I think I'm still recovering from the sandwich I had this morning. I was also offered bacon, but I can't really do that, either.
      So my food plans are shot to hell; and everything else is slowly going up in smoke, too. My game is going great, but the program it runs on is going to be replaced and a lot of players have lost everything. A lot of players haven't, but I've never been one of the lucky ones (except for three times I managed to correct my balance before I fell). My book is going okay, I guess, but I've never been able to save my work long-term. Put it on a CD? Uh-oh, the CD has become corrupt. Email it to yourself? Uh-oh, you've been hacked and now it belongs to someone else.

      On the topic of bad luck, now I keep having the same dream, where I'm pulling this thing almost as long as me, out of my mouth! You have no idea how horrifying that is. I have mentioned being able to feel my dreams. Imagine feeling that. And if it isn't that, I'm stuck in a maze and all the toilets are very public. Or there's a crash, or an animal attack, or someone I love dies. Sometimes in a very brutal way. Like getting shot at least twenty times within seconds.

      I've started to wonder, honestly, if I am or will be a psychopath. I wasn't thinking that before Canada reached Defcon 2, and I felt nothing. I was more scared of spiders than I was of Defcon 2. But of course no Defcon 2 ever traumatized me as a little girl. The thought I might be or will be a psychopath couldn't scare me, either. I just didn't care. I don't care. I'm trying to, but I don't.

      So I've just been in bed a lot, and I'm stuck. I hate being asleep, and I hate being awake. I've tried so many things to help me sleep. Pills, a hot bath, a hard walk, Vicks, Aloe Vera, intense heat on my back, and if you're related to me, then you're going to wish you hadn't continued reading, because I've also tried gratification. Whatever, it's my fucking blog and I'm fucking old; leave me alone. The only thing I haven't tried that we are capable of getting in this house, a lot, is wine. I've been so against it. I see what it does. I know it can destroy you. But it does get tempting. My mother swears by it, says it helps her sleep. Now all I can think about is that I've been that person who thinks they know more without having one moment of personal experience.

      What I have done, I've even combined. I still couldn't sleep for eleven days. I'm pretty sure that hell predates our getting placed into a hotel, which was over 100 days ago, and I'm still messed up from that. My bedroom is still not finished. Like, how fucking lazy is this landlord? Worst part is, he's probably vacationing somewhere beautiful, feeling great.

      Maybe that dream is why I always feel so nauseous. It could also be worms; I passed one once and it hid in the toilet until someone else found it. I didn't even know I'd passed it until he was freaking out, asking if I was okay. Not since I've been alive; why do you ask?

      I can't even believe how humiliating my life is. The only reason I even got up before 8 PM is because I need to get up early tomorrow, which means I'll need a shampoo tonight, which means I'll need to wait a few hours before I can bend over without screaming in pain. I hate my bed. I hate that I've had it for so long. I hate that I'm too broke to get a new one. I hate that so many people are too broke to take care of themselves. I hate that it's only getting worse.

      I hate life.

Another Late Entry, Another Dream

      Buckle up, buttercup, I'm just getting started.

      In The Sims 3, there are songs the characters can learn when they go on vacation. In my dream, one of those songs became a sound-track, with instrumentals, and it sounded amazing. That is what I heard as I saw a man leave his home, which, upon reflection, was the title character's apartment building from House MD. Not long after the man left, his wife began inviting multiple men into their home; but the husband returned early. Everyone began yelling, and then the husband started beating the wife's other partners to death...with a pillow. I saw the feathers fly.

    In the next scene, I hear a teenage boy rambling aimlessly, as though he were a teenage girl. Then I, of course, see House. He looks like he's a million miles away. He's visiting an amusement park or something. He's going to investigate the murder, because he's either a part of the LAPD or Chicago PD.

    Unfortunately that's all I can remember right now, but the Sims 3 song sounded incredible. Learned in China, the song is called The Love Of Xing Lo. I really don't want to forget how it sounded. But I will. It was played slower, and sung by a man who actually didn't sound terrible, like all the male Sims. That's even better than how fucking accurate it is! That's my new favorite dream right there. I mean, yeah, it's got a killer in it――but hey! At least he cushioned the blow...

Game Rambles

       I decided tonight that I would play Sims 3. It had been awhile since I geeked out like that in the AM. Things were going fine, until my Sims returned from France. It had taken me 7 out of 9 days of their vacation, but I finally, finally, got a high quality Avornalino. Then I started a mission about making nectar, so I put the fruit into her boyfriend's inventory, to make absolutely sure it wouldn't be used. When she was done, I put the fruit back into her inventory and they went home...and now it's nowhere to be found. Not in her inventory, not in his inventory, not in the family inventory.

      So weird. So many glitches. My Sim also should have maxed out her gardening skill, but once it reached zero, her tabcast died and then it said 14 hours. PMO.

     Hah, oops. Now she's pretty much a day late to work on her garden. It's not going so well right now, but I had an idea. I think this time around, she's going to have a child with her boyfriend, then I'll have him leave her, and she'll have another child with his brother. Or not; I kind of prefer to start with Sims who both have parents, and neither of them do. So maybe I'll make a single male for her instead. Again, or not. Hell, I might just keep her; do what I used to do. Max out every skill I know to exist, get a vacation home in all three places, and upload her to the Exchange.

      Everything's up in the air right now. Suits me fine. I can't under-stand people who only play for challenges created by someone else.