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      I've been having some weird dreams lately. Weird even for me. I don't know what I've been doing before bed, but I'd like to make it a routine.
      First I dreamed that I got into a car with the cast of The Big Bang Theory, and my conscience was both in my own body and Amy's; and I could actually switch at will. We drove around and around in a giant pattern, looking for something new: The beach. And the guys had all come up with weird nicknames for themselves and wore these really bright contact lenses. Leonard was Webster, and I can't recall the rest.
      Then I dreamed that Lorne got into a fist fight with Shane. I opened my window and watched. Lorne took one punch but knocked that asshole to the ground. It was worth having to wake up and realize it hadn't happened.
      Last night probably takes the cake...I was playing NFSW, going to all my favorite places, driving my favorite car. My lights were flashing, my sirens were blaring and it was exactly as I remembered it. I drove through every chain link fence I could find and it sounded just the same. And then it changed. Will was driving, and Carlton was freaking out because 'my' reckless driving had garnered the attention of the police. So he started getting out while the car was flying down the street, and Will slammed on the brakes. Of course we got caught and arrested, and I'm just standing there looking at all the broken fences and fallen traffic lights thinking...Good game.
      So maybe I have gone overboard with it, but I'm just getting started. I bought the series and it should be here next month. Hopefully it works; I bought a movie that is incompatible with my DVD player - which I can't unlock because my remote control isn't that advanced. Figures; I've got one of those really heavy dome TVs from the '70s. If I had a cellular phone the size of my shoe I'd be stuck in that time and deemed crazy.
      At least in this NFSW dream there were no zombies or dino-saurs.


      PS. Why is my Blogger set to military time...?

...

      I've been watching a Fresh Prince marathon, and there's one episode I don't understand. Season 3, episode 5. Carlton's past girl-friend shows up with a baby she claims is his, and he faints three times with the shock of it. But then he confesses privately to Will that they never had sex. If he knew he was not the father, why the hell would he faint? Why would she have insisted the baby was his? It makes no sense.

      Edit [May 22nd 2018 at 2:45 PM] - I guess what I don't understand the most about this episode is why Carlton and Cindy would elope. They never slept together, so obviously they both know the baby is not his. Obviously, for some reason I can't find, they're lying to Carlton's family members. If it was all for show, why would they have a wedding nobody was invited to?

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      Things are going to get interesting for me in a few days. I bought movies online. Seven of them! It will be so awesome to actually have variety. I think I've bought every movie I like! Now all I have to do is hope they get here in good condition.
      Let me see here. Liar Liar, Memoirs Of A Geisha, What A Girl Wants, and the four Tinker Bell movies I've wanted to own since 2014 - I'm guessing. It's a weird story, how I was introduced to Tinker Bell. Did I look up Disney movies? You'd think that. But I was writing my story, a pointless endeavor as always, and came up with the name Mae Whitman. I Googled it, because I have a reputation of coming up with characters who are actually real. Sure as shit, there she was.
      The Tinker Bell movies do get less charming with every watch, but they were only a few dollars, so I figured what the hell. It'll give me some variety, at last; perfect for nights when I'm tired of what little I've got. Say I can't sleep, or I'm too sick to do anything but lie in bed.
      For the longest time I've had Shrek 1-4, Tangled, and Finding Nemo. That was it. Then I got Ice Age 1-4, and years later Toy Story 1-3, Monsters University and Monsters Inc. Aaaand that was about a year ago now. The longest freakin' year of my entire life.
      I also looked up Sagwa DVDs, but Wikipedia only listed the episodes I can watch for zero cost anytime on YouTube. I want to watch ones I haven't seen in maybe ten years. And Action, The Jade Rabbit, Homesick Jun, and...well, that's pretty much it. The rest are available, but I don't want to buy something I can watch on YouTube. The only reason I bought seven movies is because A.), I've always wanted them, and B.), I am so fed up with all the damn Putlockers - none of which really work. And if they do, you can only watch the episode once...It's easier to spend a couple of bucks and have 'em on my bookshelf. They are long, long movies that my computer can't really handle. YouTube is simple, Sagwa is maybe eleven minutes long. No problem.
      I'm going to have to make room!
      I also bought a gorgeous engagement ring and a ring box, sep-arately. No plans to marry yet, but I'm pretty sure I can make a profit on this.
      I had Liar Liar once. On VHS. Then I babysat this devil child. She ate it. She also covered my favorite sweater in a huge gob of snot; I had to throw it away. Not barehanded. I miss that sweater, but it was not salvageable. Have you ever wanted to find a time machine, travel back to where you were done wrong and slap the faces of those responsible? I didn't, because I was a nice kid. Let's just say that was then.
      I can't wait till my items get here! It's like the only good thing in my life right now. This is what's kept me from, well, slapping faces. That and my brother. Everything I do is for him now. Volunteering to do a thousand dishes? Who really does that?

How Times Change

      ...I'm remembering stuff I hadn't thought of for years. Like the Walkman I used to own. How I would sit on the picnic bench and listen to my CDs from my pocket, thinking it was the coolest thing ever. Or not being able to take the phone to the couch because it was attached to a cord. Or being too afraid to go into the tree house; I don't think I went inside once. I can still remember the ropes of cobweb that stretched from the tree house, to the tire swing, to the other tree. The gobs of silk strung all along the inside of the tire swing.
      I remember making mud pies with my neighbor. We called it "poo goo." We'd have sticky brown fingers every day after school. She ate some. She made a mud pie and she actually ate some.
      I remember the ladybug infestation. Damn, there must have been hundreds. My pet caterpillar, which I named Catapult. The igloo. The garden. All the crickets and frogs we heard every single night. I'd sure love to go back to those nightly sounds. Instead of traffic, sirens, screaming. Guitars at four in the morning.
      What I can't stop remembering are the two times I saw people riding their horses down the street. That was fascinating to me. The farm had a horse, but he was always behind the gate. I don't think I ever saw him being ridden. The landlady didn't have jumps or training posts or anything; I still don't know why she had a horse. Seemed pointless. He didn't pull carts or wagons, far as I know.
      The new litter of puppies. I know one of them was named Oreo, but I can't remember the others. Their mother was Meg, but I never saw her mate. The puppies looked purebred, but I suppose Anna the sheepdog could've just had a tiny penis. Anna might even be a unisex name; I don't know. Anna was too damn hairy for me to tell.
      And all the times I saw my neighbor sitting on the porch floor, peering at me through the screen, waiting for me to finish eating so we could play. It felt nice to have a friend who wanted to have the best of times. Now I'm old, I'm weak. All my grownup friends want to do is sit, drink coffee, basically be the parents who bored us to tears growing up.
      Play-Doh, egg-holding contests, catching frogs, and beetles. Ugh, I remember this one frog. It started twitching in my hand, freaked me the fuck out and I threw it across the yard. Don't worry - Kermit lived. I mean, he's dead now...

Virtual Rambles

      I was introduced to E-Bay a few days ago. They have everything! I'm hoping to get a Visa soon and sell some crap so I'll have money to put onto it...Before 2019 I'm hoping to have all the movies and even a game that I have never, not once, seen in stores. And if I had known about E-Bay earlier I could have saved myself the ten minutes I spent crammed in a store smaller than the living room between a sick guy and a farting guy, only to leave empty-handed, disappointed and grossed out.
      But the only thing I caught was a liking to online shopping. It all started when Mom loaned me enough money to buy 49,000 coins in my game. Cool thing about her is, she said it was a gift and was happy to help. And I'm on the moon, because spending all that money made me reach level 30! Quickly, too; I was only on level 29 for about a week; and I'd been on level 28 for two months. But thanks to her, I was able to design the most expensive character in the entire game. I don't look poor anymore! If I may brag - and it's my blog, so I will - my character costs 32 grand and has nineteen homes!
      Now if only they could get rid of all these extra online movie websites and just have one that actually worked, I could get last night's movie night started. Tried to watch something about an hour and a half long, only to realize that only the first half hour had been uploaded.
      But knowing I can finally finish my movie collection, buy the game I've been looking for since 2014 and maybe even a shirt, for $35....makes me feel like the world doesn't have to be so boring. The question is, what do I have that I can sell? This game is awesome; the prices for money are extremely low. The lowest price is only 99 cents. The highest is ninety-nine dollars and ninety-nine cents. Actually affordable. If I can make two hundred dollars I'm getting 200,000 coins and spending all of it...That should get me to at least level 34.
      I designed a game myself. It's not published or playable or anything, but I love the concept. Seems like it would be a big step in the gaming industry. It's basically life, but with enhanced character design. You would click on the hair and drag the mouse to make it longer or shorter and determine how it flows; you would click on each button of a sweater to open or close that one button; and if you know you can't log in to pay your rent, you could choose to pay a lump sum in advance...And since I'm tired of needing to collect a certain amount of virtual money, everything would be free until you click Save. Open world featuring interactive objects, including cars, maybe featuring real places, maybe the Eiffel tower. Of course it would have smooth animations, bright colors, and awesome graphics; not like those games anybody ever grew up with. We've come a long way since 2004, and this game would show it. And if your character got a job, you would actually have to do it; like if she were a hotel housekeeper you would actually follow her through the building, making sure she earns the paycheck. Cars could break down, you could fix them...The only thing I haven't designed is its type: Single-player world, or MMO?

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      I can't believe that the Shrek movie series began seventeen years ago. I feel so old. I remember when I first received it on my birthday the year it came out. I lived on a farm. My idea of a good time was riding my bike and watching the animals. I watched it with my neighbor, who was four at the time, and got to the point where Shrek yells, What are you doing in my swamp? And I was called home, and my brother and his wife gave me the movie. I was ecstatic. I remember the layout of our houses, and the secret passage in the backyard, and the big gap under her porch where we hid one time eating bananas.
      It's so different now. I'm different. I'd shave off ten years of my life if it meant I could be a kid again for a day. And no, Stiltskin, don't get any ideas. But Fiona pulls out her knife on Shrek, and he tells her what he knows about her. That when she signs her name, she puts a heart over the I. She sings so beautifully that birds explode. She doesn't like the covers wrapped around her feet and sleeps by candlelight...Blah, blah, blah. Don't get me wrong - beautiful movie. Love warrior Fiona. Love her lines, love Cameron Diaz, it's perfect.
      But what about that Sir Justin picture on the bottom of her bed? He should have thrown that in there. A lot of women sing and dot their I's with hearts, and she knew that. But nobody else knows about the figurines on her fireplace mantle. And she would have really been blown away if he described the view from her bedroom window.

Let The Good Times Roll

      Life here is both weird and fantastic, lately. Yes, I still have my complaints; but certain aspects in life have improved! Like...my game. I bought a lovely dress with wings (in my game, obviously) and it's a sheer glowy gold, and it comes with giant wings. And it was only one dollar short of ten freakin' grand! I actually had to make another account to gift it to myself, because my main account only has 8 dollars. The game also has a cat with a crown on its head, which also costs 9,999; and a 'real gold' iPhone costing 7,999. It'll take awhile, but eventually I'll have an account worth more than 31k!
      And my Sims are going great, too. It's been over a year, maybe almost two by now, since I lost the biggest family anyone has ever made; but even with my small, current family I don't think I could be much happier than this. I made a large, beautiful house and called it Indigo Palace, and my Sims actually have grandparents on both sides of the family!
      Life is weird in the way that my mother has been on a Shrek marathon. I had to offer because she was sick of going through all of Big Bang Theory and That '70s Show in three weeks, but I was not expecting her to say yes - or even watch Shrek Forever After one night after another - and even say she's going to watch Shrek 1 again. I would have sooner bet my life that she would rather have thrown those movies out than watch them.
      The weirdest and most fantastic? I cut my own hair earlier this month, and it's above my shoulders and it's actually straight! It doesn't even touch my shoulders, which is awesome, because when it does and it's wet, it feels like it's trying to cut me. First I asked my mother to cut it, but by the time I smelled the wine on her breath it was a lopsided mess. So I fixed it! Think Rapunzel, except it's all one length and has the ability to grow back.
      A few days ago it also snowed. Not a lot, but enough where I watched it fall past a street lamp. And then I had pizza, and pop, and chocolate. And lately I've been making perfect grilled cheeses. And my brother cooks these amazing meals. Meat, veggies, pot-atoes, stuffing, and it's all nice and soft and yummy. I normally get stuck with dishes, but lately I've been assigned other tasks...thank goodness. Don't get me wrong, that's important; but when you're doing everybody's dishes and sometimes there's over seventy of them and they don't rinse anything and you're sore and it's past your bedtime and you're stuck there for over an hour - you really start to want to be doing literally anything else.
      All my books are going nowhere, but I'd rather try and fail than succeed at doing nothing. I'm on my gazillionth attempt, and I'm already dissatisfied. But then I read the script of fantastic movies, and I'm surprised at how boring it actually is if I'm not hearing and seeing it. Besides, people actually think Gangnam Style and Pineapple Pen are great songs, so my chances are actually pretty good.
      I am just so happy right now! I wish I could feel like this for-ever.