...

      I went downtown today. It was damn near thirty degrees and I saw a lady wearing a sweater under a coat, a scarf, and what looked like ski pants. I also saw a very small Woody Cowboy statue in someone's yard. I had to really look at it (through a dirty bus window), but once I saw the cow-patterned vest I knew it was him... although his nose kind of gave it away at a distance.
      Miserable bus ride it was, too. Not only did the bus start moving before I was seated, but the heaters were on full blast, I got stuck using a sideways seat, and when I moved I think the dude behind me coughed on me. I hate people. I hate buses.
      Thankfully I'm home now, playing a good game, drinking pop, eating pizza. And, I had my first chicken burger in half a year. Before last time, it had been three years! That's too long to go without chicken; it's just not right.
      And unfortunately, two days ago my brother deleted all my Sims games. It had to be done, but I'm sad. No more Mayberry; no more beautiful mansion; no more atrociously evil witch whose birthday, thanks to the genie lamp, was over 300 days away. And she had this wicked palace, too. Big, beautiful, and lit only with the Fist and Claw Of Darkness lights. And every chair was the Darkness throne. I lost that really beautiful Sim, with that eccentric name - which I cannot remember for the life of me.
      Ah, damnit, my Sims 3! My underground mansion, my Sim with over two million Aspiration Points!
      It was for the best....Apparently the Sims games got infected with a virus. That's probably why the townie Lilly Do got cloned to death. Translation: I had about sixty of her on the apartment lot. They all filed into one apartment, and they were all talking and laughing...I should've posted the videos I took; I hope deleting the game didn't delete them too. But it was madness; I even tried deleting them and they would just keep spawning.
      I'll get over losing this session. I don't miss the Quinn family as much. I'll never get over the last session I lost before this one - the West era. Man alive, I must've had two hundred Sims in that family. Some advice - age up Trina Wong and have her marry Sullivan Thayer. They have beautiful kids. Anyway, I haven't even played Family Fun Stuff yet, which I've had for about a month. After this next complete reinstall, I'm going to see what it's all about.
      I'll always miss my immortal, atrociously evil witch...I named her Morbidda Castor. Isn't that beautiful?

      Edit [May 25th 2018] - I remembered her name! I don't remember her parents' names, but hers was Ebony. Her surname was Turner, until she married some guy with the last name Wolosenko.

...

      I think watching Fresh Prince is keeping my bad dreams away. Since I rediscovered it (and haven't been able to get enough of it) my dreams have been a lot less violent. I haven't had to see a loved one get shot in the chest fifty times, or dream about myself being put in the electric chair.
      I wrote about that driving dream, with Will and Carlton...Well, this time it only involved Geoffrey. It took place on my previous house on Blueberry, except there was no road. It was literally a river, with a waterfall and everything. I come down the waterfall first, and then something else comes down and knocks me out; and I wake up dazed and confused, ask Geoffrey what happened, go into the kitchen and realize I left the water running. I don't know why that part came into play - the floor was dry.
      And before that, I dreamed that I was playing a game that was a crossover of Sims, Avakin Life, Minecraft and movies. It was like Minecraft in the way of what my brother calls God mode, where you double-jump and start flying. It was like Avakin Life in the scenery and design. We were all running around speaking Simlish, and the movie element came into play when I ran across the house and jumped through a window. There was glass, but I didn't feel it; which is good, because the first wall was in the center of the house and I had to jump through another window. And I floated through the city taking photographs. But while the scenery and design were all Avakin Life, movement would not pause while taking a photo; so every time I was in God mode and took a picture, I would fall to my death. And then I would come back to life and go into God mode and take another one.
      Long story short, even when I'm asleep I'm crazy.

Yay!

      My Fresh Prince DVDs arrived today. I watched the series premiere and then used the DVD to continue my marathon where I left off online, and so far everything looks good...Of course I'll be rewatching the whole series to make sure nothing's missing.
      When I first got it I was afraid it would be set to the wrong region. One of my new movies refuses to play on anything but my brother's computer. If my remote had the Info button I could reset my player, but it doesn't have that...which it should, because it's the original remote! Guess I'll have to sell it and try again. And this time I'll ask if it's a Region 1.
      Anyway...

X

      I think I've lost all my literary passion. No matter what I write, no matter how much fun I have writing it, upon revision it just stinks. I did improve the beginning and fix up two or three mistakes, but that's the most work I've done to my book in a week. I once found a book that had been lying dormant in storage for three years, nowhere near complete; and in 2011 or whatever I'd thought it was my best work yet. Total garbage, as usual, and that's exactly what's happening now.
      Maybe I'm just wasting time.
      My mother says my talent is Checkers. I don't want my whole life to come down to a game! Not unless I can make a living off it. But I want to write. I have these ideas and characters and even my own little world. Countries, cities, rivers, valleys. I want them to come to life, and it's just not happening; everything is so dead.
      Honestly I don't even know why I bother. Maybe it's because there are people out there who write, sing, dance, and make up the funniest jokes. Or they paint, sculpt, and they're also doctors. I just want to be one of those things, and they can do all of it.
      I feel so unimportant. If I died right now, I wouldn't leave behind anything everlasting. My brother recently told me that when all humankind is extinct, our voices will still be heard, because of parrots. I was hoping I had a talent, but I don't. Goddamn, I want a parrot.
      The only reason I ever got an email account was so I could hang out on MSN Messenger, and people would see my name come up and know that I existed. And when I discovered online gaming I did that too, so people would see my avatar. It became my whole reason for getting out of bed, because I had nothing else to offer, though not for the lack of trying my hardest. I've written my whole life. And all I've gotten from it is stress.
      Every time I try to write....I try my damnedest to sound like a different person. Not because I'm trying to write in the perspective of one, but because I hate the way I write. Something about my style is so...loathsome. It's simple, undetailed, and incredibly immature. In 2017, when I first began rewriting my first book I intentionally left out all the detail and promised myself that I would add it in later. But it doesn't work like that, because none of the detail fits.
      I've tried script format, but I ended up not saving that because A.) I need to describe the scene, and B.) if I want to upload them to FanFiction.Net, they don't allow script format. Which is stupid, because it shouldn't matter how I write it as long as I'm the one who wrote it. You know, it never fails to amaze me how many stories on there are just scripts from the movies, and people say, "Love your work, so original! Keep it up, friend; you're the absolute best!"
      I have spent my whole life writing and I'm just not excited. My books bore me to tears. And I can't dance or paint, either; I've tried. And I don't even want to try sculpting; I stab myself doing the dishes.
      Guess I better break out the ol' Checkers board. At least I can do something no one else in this house can do. I just thought it would be something that meant more. You know, the other day I caught myself thinking that skiing and hurtling through the water on a motorized boat looked pretty fun. I've always wanted to para-chute, or at least take a hot air balloon ride. I did have the opportunity to ride a horse once, and maybe now I'd give it a try. I am so sick of how boring and unfulfilling life is. I've been able to find reasons to get out of bed. A show. A movie. My dead grand-mother's birthday. But it's just not enough.
      So far my bucket list is only two items long. Meet An Idol, and...Remember Second Item. Shit, I just had it. Oh, yes - Write A Book, that's what it was. My money says I'll meet an idol before I get published.
      I need more food. And more comedy. I know just the thing.

...

      I've been having some weird dreams lately. Weird even for me. I don't know what I've been doing before bed, but I'd like to make it a routine.
      First I dreamed that I got into a car with the cast of The Big Bang Theory, and my conscience was both in my own body and Amy's; and I could actually switch at will. We drove around and around in a giant pattern, looking for something new: The beach. And the guys had all come up with weird nicknames for themselves and wore these really bright contact lenses. Leonard was Webster, and I can't recall the rest.
      Then I dreamed that Lorne got into a fist fight with Shane. I opened my window and watched. Lorne took one punch but knocked that asshole to the ground. It was worth having to wake up and realize it hadn't happened.
      Last night probably takes the cake...I was playing NFSW, going to all my favorite places, driving my favorite car. My lights were flashing, my sirens were blaring and it was exactly as I remembered it. I drove through every chain link fence I could find and it sounded just the same. And then it changed. Will was driving, and Carlton was freaking out because 'my' reckless driving had garnered the attention of the police. So he started getting out while the car was flying down the street, and Will slammed on the brakes. Of course we got caught and arrested, and I'm just standing there looking at all the broken fences and fallen traffic lights thinking...Good game.
      So maybe I have gone overboard with it, but I'm just getting started. I bought the series and it should be here next month. Hopefully it works; I bought a movie that is incompatible with my DVD player - which I can't unlock because my remote control isn't that advanced. Figures; I've got one of those really heavy dome TVs from the '70s. If I had a cellular phone the size of my shoe I'd be stuck in that time and deemed crazy.
      At least in this NFSW dream there were no zombies or dino-saurs.


      PS. Why is my Blogger set to military time...?