...

      I'm too damn tired and nauseated to sleep. Feels like my eyes are on fire. Still. You know, that sensation has never gone away - I've always been unbelievably exhausted. When sleeping pills give you energy and chocolate drains you, it really feels like you have no other option but to say fuck all and go to bed whenever you damn well please. Here I sit, 3:45 AM, knowing full well I won't ever have the perfect routine...which is just fine with me. Not much to look forward to anyway.
      Yesterday the family ordered pizza. I put mine through the blender, but it took out all the enjoyment of having takeout. It was just spiced mush that tasted no better than regular mush. I'll stick with yogurt and Boost and pudding. I'm getting my belly back, but I think I might buy a gym pass instead of a new computer and do something good for myself. (I considered using the money to get my book published, but I'm told it costs over three grand).
      I've been nauseated a lot lately...Keep getting bruises I can't explain. There's even a spot of blood on my pillow. No idea why. The good news is, it looks old. I guess for tonight I'll just flip the damn thing and change my bedding tomorrow. And I'll probably look up the symptoms for inexplicable bruising.
      Tomorrow. I have the sudden urge to go back to bed.
      Wonder why that is. Yawwwnnnn...

Hrm...

      I had an interesting day. I'll skip all the stuff that doesn't matter and get to the point. I went out to see an old friend, and she was such a hermit. She didn't come out and say hi until fifteen minutes after finding out I was there, and then she scuttled back to her room. Eventually she came out, spoke to me for five minutes, then went into the pool and didn't even notice when I left.
      I know I qualify as a guest, and therefore maybe someone she wants to avoid, but I was an old friend of hers and I thought she would be more sociable. She likes to be in her room a lot, like me, but when I get company I go out there and be with them. When my aunts came, we did everything together except our bowel move-ments. We went shopping, we went to restaurants, we gabbed and we played games. I don't demand attention like a prissy little bitch, but I thought we would talk. That's why we had planned this visit.
      Whatever. I'm gonna go have a smoothie.

I'm Unhappy!

      I'm not having a good...two months. I had some good times, but it's the nerd in me who's suffering. She ain't having no fun. First, my Sims Life Stories suddenly becomes incompatible after five fucking years. Now my Sims 2 is incompatible as well. And I've already lost Sims 2 about a dozen times, but the last two times really hurt.
      And Life Stories...I can't even imagine never playing my current families again. Never playing with Laura, and Allison, and Amy, and...all the others...There are sooo many of them. Trina Wong became an adult and had about nineteen kids with Sullivan Thayer, and each one had the face of an angel. I think if I do need to get a complete reinstall and lose all my amazing work, I'm just going to play with those two. They were all so darling.
      The poor nerd in me is so miserable...I think we need chocolate now. She and I will be in the kitchen. See ya.
      PS. Yes, I really am bitching about fake people. They were like the only friends I've had in my room since 2005. I spent the last five years of my life working on this incredible family, and it was perfect. Their names suited their faces. Two of their houses were amazingly glorious, and I made them from scratch. There were about 1000 Sims, and I'm not talking alive and dead. No. I'm talking alive, period. 98% of the neighborhood was my own doing. Yes, I'm bitching. The nerd in you would, too. Brian Seavey married and had at least four kids - Kendra, Patrick, Ramona, and Samuel. And they were so great. Sims Life Stories, Sims 2, Need For Speed World - not even my DVDs will work anymore! My computer's only good for Facebook and writing. I don't know if I should buy a DVD player or save up for a new computer. The good news is, I suddenly feel into money. I have thirty on me, and I can save seventy more this month. That's a great head start to saving...I guess I'll save up for a computer. It'll have a DVD player included; two birds with one stone, right? Just seems like everything I love goes away...If I get banned from my Facebook game, again, I'm gonna be super pissed.

Ah, SHIT!

      So, I couldn't even finish my morning yogurt before my family was yelling at me for something I couldn't even control (sleeping in just a little, because I had woken up at 5am to the most pain I've ever felt in every damn joint in my entire friggin body, thanks for the concern).
      They know I'm going through some problems, and I'm not saying I should get the royal treatment because I'm such a bitch, but it would be nice if they acknowledged that I thought I was going to friggin die.
      And, they really worried me. Want to know the Good morning I got? "Hey, so, you ready for some bad news?" Here I am thinking my sister or my brother or his wife is dead or some damn thing - no, people are coming over because they love us and share our DNA.
      I am just so pissed right now. It is fucking not fucking going to fucking be a fucking good fucking day. Fuck.

Blog Post Number Whatever (Again)

      For two days now I've been exceptionally clumsy, walking into anything and everything whether it's in my way or not. But while my feet have been bumping into stuff, my mind has been going over stuff. I hear there's a Pocahontas movie where so-and-so portrays the character without the cheap doodle-book drawing type anim-ation of 1990s-Disney. So why don't they have the great Zhang Ziyi portray Mulan?
      I mean, come on. That would be fantastic.

Blither, Blather

      I've been dealing with my school slash workplace since May, and dealing with their sh*t, but finally on the eighth I'll be starting my school slash work program. I've been looking forward to it since before I got enrolled, because I wanted to change my future. But now that it's here I'm not nearly as excited. I'm scared. I'll still go through with it; at least I'll try my damnedest until they screw up one too many times. I registered with my own name, signed my own name on all the papers, told the dumbasses my name, and still they call me Emily. Friggin idiots.
      I'm six pounds away from breaking my highest weight record. Guess I better go for more walks and lay off the chocolate. It's just been so nice to eat something that isn't totally liquid. And, well, the dentists forgot to pull my sweet tooth. (I know, I know, it's only a figure of speech...blah, blah, blah.) The part that helps me remain semi-confident is that our scale is unpredictable; first it says I've gained thirty pounds in the past two days, then it says I've lost forty, both of which I would have noticed. (Plus I like to think there's more to be than somebody's opinion.)
      My book was going fantastic; then I fukked it up again. My other stories are all at a standstill, so I guess it's time to delete where it all went wrong. I told some of my friends I was going to work on a fantastic art project and now it's like, "I can't do this. I'm not nearly qualified enough." So I have to log on and tell them, nope, it ain't happening.
      Heard some great music nobody will tell me the names of. Dealing with a spider slash flea infestation (thanks, cuz). Can't make any more CDs, and oh yeah, the greatest Sims family ever made in the history of Sims is more than likely at risk to be deleted, because after five fukking years (and seven months) of creating perfection, suddenly the program's incompatible. After five years. What the fuk. So I'm grouchy; I have been for - what do you know? - forever. Apparently music and chocolate is - what do you know? - not medicinal.
      The good news is I am head over heels in love with icy, strawberries-and-blueberries smoothies. Oh, and garlic-potato-and-some-other-things soup. I'm still addicted to gaming, but at least they're a distraction from my other addictions. All in all, things here could be both worse, and better. I don't even know which side of the abacus is winning.
      I'm gonna go now. It's time for another evening of predictable monotony - soup, and Big Bang reruns. 'Bye.