Sunday, May 23, 2021

...

       I think I'm getting back into the groove here. At first using my new computer still felt like I was borrowing my brother's.
      Not a lot else has changed. I have fifteen pages, front and back, of handwritten book ideas that I've been maniacally writing down ever since my computer was declared up and running. And it starts out with more detail than I've ever written in my life!
      There was a rainbow here the other day, and my brother went out for a bike ride. He said he rode "into the rainbow" and described the colors as "brilliant." Sadly the closest I can relate is the scene in That '70s Show, where the dog gets high. At least, I think that's what I mean.
      I've also had amazing dreams that I've been dying to write down! Lately I've been dreaming a lot of flying over the town; whether it's a place I saw on Google, or in a movie, or if it's a game map; and there's usually a sunset. Once, I was actually a bat; and I could control what I did, and I hung upside-down on a ceiling and watched the sunset. It was so damn cool.
      Another dream was when I had to walk past where I used to live on a farm, to get to my house; which in my dream was kind of a combination between a farm and a trailer park. There were all these buildings and they all looked alike, and I was trying to find my house. So I knocked on the door, and this old man answered, and I told him it was the wrong address and kept going. Lucky for me, I saw my mother having a cigarette on our porch; I walked inside, and I knew I was home. I saw my relatives, our things. And then I turned around and walked out, and I just started biking around and around the property; and there were these cattails, waving in the wind. And it was so dark out. And then, of course, there was a bear...and I don't remember what happened after that.
      But this dream here is my favorite of the ones I've had since my computer died. I lived in an absolutely gorgeous....beach house mansion. And on the outside, it was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. The water was the color of sapphires. And inside the house, there was all the ugly crap we own, placed in the ugliest spots; it really cramped the style of the home! But oh my God, that water. I haven't been anywhere that nice since I was four. Even then I couldn't enjoy it, because I was so little, and the rocks we had to walk on to get to the ocean were so big. And I hated having my hands held. Especially by my stepfather, who literally never....used soap. So that was my last vacation, and it sucked.
      I typically dream of spiders, death, wild animals, building collapses, and occasionally the royal family; with amazing detail. I dream about the royal family more often than I dream about flying, and I dream about flying more often than I dream about the ocean. In my last memorable dream, I hijacked a train car and started driving it around zombie-infested tracks, and my mother was just standing there, waiting to be eaten; and....I didn't let her in. And then Cuddy and Wilson strapped House to a table and walked away, and I've really just been dreaming about cats and spiders ever since. Also, I had a dream where Peggy Bundy hit her head really hard and became a total idiot, just in time for her appearance on a game show. She was licking a plate.
      My favorite dreams are definitely the ocean, a mansion, flying, the royal family....and there's one dream I don't think I've mentioned before. The short version, since I can't remember the long version, is that I went to college. Doesn't sound like much, but I'm a very lucid dreamer. I can see, hear, smell, and feel everything and yes, some-times I absolutely can control what happens.
      Ohhh, it feels so good to write everything down! Finally, I can throw away all those papers! I hate being a caveperson.

Saturday, May 22, 2021

Back Online

       My computer died last month. Believe it or not, it had melted inside! Evidence of a fire! Crazy. But I'm back, and not even my book characters were killed in the blaze. It feels so good to be back online and, you know, not dead.

Wednesday, April 21, 2021

I'm Scared

       When we were doing our taxes, I had to stand there like an idiot with the form and try to remember how I sign my name. And this morning, after dreaming about arguing with my stepfather, I could not for the life of me remember his. Or that I was hurting until I moved the wrong way. I know I'm forgetful, and realizing I'd forgotten surprised me.
      I haven't forgotten anything critical in a long time. Small stuff, mostly; where I put something, what day it is, the name of a celebrity. I forgot my own name in the first grade. I thought I was getting better, but I guess I'm not. I guess it'll just keep getting worse.

Friday, April 16, 2021

I Must Be Tired

       I'm running on about 20 minutes of sleep. Had to wake up almost as soon as I started dreaming to take care of my taxes, haven't slept since. So I was just trying to say, "When you were down for your nap, I had two sandwiches." And somehow it came out as, "When you were down for your sandwiches, I had two naps." And then I narrowly avoided saying that I was tonguing on my trip, so I think I'm about ready to crash.

Friday, April 9, 2021

Untitled

      Well, I finished that new book. Took me only 19 days. But, it's in script format; the detail is whittled down to about 1%. Even so, I'm quite happy with the result. I finally achieved my goal by writing a book that reads as though it was written by someone else. And best of all, I'm feeling pretty damn good.
      I also restarted my House marathon. The last time I saw it all the way through was also the first time, and when I got to the end I was...disappointed. It felt like there would be more. It was an open road with open ends. Then again, every episode of House has un-explained bits and pieces; like why a doctor who had moved to Chicago reappeared all of a sudden without mentioning why and her group of friends don't seem to give a damn. And the doctor who got fired, never actually leaves either; and the doctor who gets promoted to Dean Of Medicine is still taking orders from....a guy who now works for him.
      So, yes, the show is very complicated. Last night's episode, too! These doctors typically have to break into their patients' houses and snoop for clues, and they gave this episode a dramatic ending that makes no sense. The doctor asks a little boy, "Do you know where your dad is?" and then his father walks out of the house, and the footage slows down and the camera zooms in; it's like I'm supposed to recognize him as a different character or a criminal or something. But no, zero explanation.
      I like the characters, I like the cast, but the show itself is kind of sloppy. They had medical advisors to make sure everything was done properly, and they still made some mistakes; like restraining every seizure patient, having a guy pass out from chicken pox that hadn't appeared yet, getting a close-up image of a coin and calling it an air bubble, even misspelling medical terms.
      But, as I said, I've started over. And who knows? Maybe I'll see more mistakes.

Tuesday, April 6, 2021

...

       I'm feeling a little better now. Sore like you wouldn't believe, but at least I'm not wondering as often if humans can have their bladders removed without getting seriously ill. Probably not.
      And at least I have accomplished two things. One, if I'm in my own bedroom and it's a clear day; I can tell the time by looking at the shadows. I'm hardly ever wrong! And two, I've started a new book based on a brand new idea, it's my first time trying to write it, and it's actually going well! Normally on my millionth try, I want to give up and don't have the good sense to.

Friday, April 2, 2021

Damn It!

       I am having the worst fucking morning. Technically it began last night, when I lost count how many times I almost fell. I decided to go to bed for my own safety. Slept for half an hour, woke up before midnight, and I have been awake ever since; peeing and peeing and peeing and peeing and peeing and peeing. It should be impossible for the human body to contain this much urine.
      I am so tired. I just want to sleep for a nice long time and wake up with dry pants!
      I hate my life. I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life.