Retardo's

       I tried ordering pizza recently. I've done it a lot, but this time I got a new guy, who had the audacity to say, "You sound too robotic" and hang up on me. In a nutshell, my brother's friend works there and he put in a complaint.

Sans Nom

      So, that happened. My mother just informed me that "People have kids so the kids can do all the work." Um, no, no, no. That's why cruel people have kids, and that is a level of cruelty I can't even fathom. No―people have kids because they want a family, or....the condom broke, or they forgot the pill, or they were under some stupid impression like you can't get knocked up the first time you have sex.

      I don't know if she was joking or not, but regardless, if she was it was a horrible joke. So, what, she has kids to make them suffer. Give them the burden. None of us asked to be alive and we are the only species in the galaxy stupid enough to pay to have this burden. You don't want to die, fine, but don't act like I should be grateful to be here.

Not Good With Titles

       I may be over all that. And I might not be. Anyway, I had to blog about my dreams! There was one where I'd been given the impression that I was attending a video conference, so I put on my new fuzzy pajama pants underneath what, in retrospect, appeared to be a tuxedo top. I open the door and step into a room filled with all the presidents, and I'm supposed to walk past every single guest and go up onstage, I still don't know why. So there's Trump, of all people, laughing at me, my fuzzy pants, and my furry slippers.

      Yeah, bizarre. Not a nightmare, though, so I'll take it. I'd like to reject the dream where I'm walking and walking and walking, with no place to go, no destination in mind. Then I start passing out, and fading into and out of consciousness. Total strangers were picking me up and trying to keep me moving.

      I also dreamt I was holding the paw of an injured wildcat, and of course it dug its paws into my palm. I could feel it, too.

      The worst of the bunch was, my brother showed me a video rec-ently of a rollercoaster gone wrong. Just like in that episode of 6teen, they go up the loop-de-loop, someone pukes, and it splatters everyone when they come zooming back around. And, oh, god, the sound. Well, I dreamt that I was running and running, or crawling on my belly between a fence and really low branches, whatever it took. It was like the zombie apocalypse, but instead of being undead zombies, everyone was alive and had the flu. Their main goal, it seems, was to spread that virus. They wanted to touch me, puke on me, breathe on me, spit on me, whatever it took to make me ill; and I could hear that retching sound from the video in my dream.

      I seemed to make it, so....

     Lot of fucking weird dreams. Negan in the planetarium, or I'm a bat (the "I want to suck your blood" kind, not the Lucille kind, which would definitely contain some serious face time), the maze of RVs that all look identical and I'm supposed to find mine. The one where I'm Brooke Nevin wandering around in a spaceship, and then I find my (not her) mother, who's only finger-big, so I tuck her in my pocket.

     I could probably sleep right now. Actually, lately, I've been sleeping pretty well. Maybe it's my fuzzy pajama pants. Or maybe it's the hot chocolate I've been drinking. Don't know! Last time I tried it, it sent me to the hospital, so I swore it off; a few hours ago, I find out it was home-made with Coffee Mate. Hello? I have a delicate stomach, I do not experiment like that.

     It was an eight-pack I got over the holidays. So far I only really like the double chocolate and the marshmallow flavors. It's kind of unfortunate that I went all this time thinking I was allergic to the real stuff, but oh well. Think I'll shop around for more sometime, esp-ecially if I find out that is the reason I'm sleeping better.

      One book out of four is going okay. One of those, I haven't touched in years. Ironically it's one people seem to like. I just don't care for it, so I might submit one last chapter only to announce that it's been dropped.

      Anyway. Snowing like a bugger now. I might be able to stay home tomorrow. Well, more like in four hours and 45 minutes. Whatev.

      ....Er. I can never get away with that. Maybe it says something about not having commitment issues.

OTR

       I think I'm going to wait a week, two if I feel generous; then delete my Facebook account. I'm just so tired of waiting on people, giving them chances. It's not flattering when they fall asleep in the middle of a conversation. It's not flattering when they'd rather play a videogame. It's not flattering to know I've wasted, let's see, nine months and twelve hours waiting, waiting, waiting.

      I miss the girl I was. No third chance, no emotions. I know most people want to be progressive and move forward. I just want to go back...

      So, I just spent the past half hour checking all my apps, to see if I require a Facebook account to use them. I think I'm in the clear. I only have to check Steam, and I will, once it lets me log out so I can actually see the login method. Look at that, even a program has me waiting.

    Seriously? Fuck my life. I'm also thinking of deleting my dev-iantART account too, finally. Going completely off the radar. Nobody important to me is talking to me, so seriously, what's the point? I may not believe I ever had a higher purpose, but I know damn well, I wasn't put here so other people can break my heart as much as they want.

      All I wanted, in the entire freaking world, was one friend. That's it, one friend who wouldn't make me wait! Who wouldn't abandon me, wouldn't ghost me and turn me away. It's ridiculous; rich people can get away with asking for money; but on every planet in every galaxy, no friends. I didn't even do anything wrong. Well, no, I've done shitloads wrong, but not to them. I've done nothing of relevance wrong. Hell, maybe it's the gifts I gave them that pushed them away. And, sis, if you're reading this, seriously, upload some pictures or send me my camera back; it's been five years!

      Nah. Who am I kidding? The Internet's a big place. It requires room in one's world. You know what, break my camera like you broke yours, I don't care anymore. I'm just done. I might as well go hunt down my knife and prove it. It's the only scenario that cheers me up anyway.

The Good, The Bad, The Geeky

       Today was...wow. I'm torn, really. On the one hand, we have the good; the shower was finally fixed, after two years of waiting. You, my seemingly nonexistent readers, wouldn't even believe it. But let me ease you in. The shower faucet began to leak straight hot water, and as time passed, it deteriorated due to our landlord's neglect. More time, more water. The ceiling was so saturated, it was raining in the bathroom. If you were at the sink, if you were on the potty, if you were in the shower, you were getting splashed on...sometimes on the shoulder, sometimes in the eye, sometimes where the sun don't shine. Unless you're nudists. The walls were crying. There was an instance or two it had begun to flood, and we had to wade through it and mop the ceiling before we mopped the floor. Even the kitchen windows were steamy from the heat, making us hang curtains to try and cool off the kitchen. You know, before we baked. My brother went back and forth in the cold to use a shower in a vacant unit so many times that he actually caught a bit of a cold; and my family, sleeping on the wrong side of the curtain, was worried they would get pneumonia.

      Absolutely ridiculous. There is so much mold, there is a possi-bility we may have to go to a hotel again.

      I reiterate, the faucet has been repaired. Bad news, now the toilet refills very slowly and screams the entire time; and the shower faucet has almost no pressure. Do you have any idea how agonizing it is to try and rinse bodywash out of your tub with practically no water? Well, probably not. Hopefully not.

      So that's basically the good and the bad. Now, as promised, the geeky. Here's where you'll probably click away; not many people will care that my brother used his phone to give me VIP access in Avakin Life. Now I have body shapes, exclusive access, and other neat stuff. I upgraded my girl and love her new look. Also, I have been working extra-hard to gain a type of currency in a different game, and now only have two more characters to unlock. Probably not many players who can say they will soon own everything. Best of all...actually, no. The VIP thing is the best of all. Next best, I immortalized my favorite Sims 3 family ever! Translation, I can play them even if my computer dies and I lose everything. Again.

      Oh, and I found Swiss rolls. Finally! They said they no longer make them, but they do. I bought a pack and look forward to my treat... One of a few, it seems.

      Now I should go. I took a sleeping pill around nine, became a VIP member right afterward and the night kinda got away from me. 😂