My uncle Dan is visiting right now, and a few moments ago he told the funniest joke I've ever heard. It's about three elderly brothers.
"An old man puts one foot into the bath and forgets what he's doing. So he calls out to one of his brothers, 'Was I getting in or was I getting out?' The brother begins going up the stairs and then stops, calling out to the third brother, 'Was I coming up or was I going down?' The third brother shakes his head. 'I hope when I'm that old I'm not so forgetful. Knock on wood!' he says, and then calls out in response, 'I'll be right there; I just have to see who's at the door!'"
That had us in stitches. Another good one is, "Why does Santa have such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year!"
Earlier this week I was looking up videos of comedians and came across a child comedian named Ned Woodman. The name isn't the joke, just listen. His performance is based on insulting the judges; and his opening line is, "Why do so many people love it when people bring their dogs on this show? I don't see what the fuss is all about, Amanda Holden's been on it for years!"
And this is the best part yet. Earlier today I went downtown and on my way back, I passed by a bike shop. And their motto is, "Put some fun between your legs!"
All in all this has been the funniest, weirdest day I've had since my brother came and I parroted the marmot story. Their motto killed me so much I ended up submitting it to Ellen, so if you see that motto on What's Wrong With These Signs?, it's from yours truly.
"An old man puts one foot into the bath and forgets what he's doing. So he calls out to one of his brothers, 'Was I getting in or was I getting out?' The brother begins going up the stairs and then stops, calling out to the third brother, 'Was I coming up or was I going down?' The third brother shakes his head. 'I hope when I'm that old I'm not so forgetful. Knock on wood!' he says, and then calls out in response, 'I'll be right there; I just have to see who's at the door!'"
That had us in stitches. Another good one is, "Why does Santa have such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year!"
Earlier this week I was looking up videos of comedians and came across a child comedian named Ned Woodman. The name isn't the joke, just listen. His performance is based on insulting the judges; and his opening line is, "Why do so many people love it when people bring their dogs on this show? I don't see what the fuss is all about, Amanda Holden's been on it for years!"
And this is the best part yet. Earlier today I went downtown and on my way back, I passed by a bike shop. And their motto is, "Put some fun between your legs!"
All in all this has been the funniest, weirdest day I've had since my brother came and I parroted the marmot story. Their motto killed me so much I ended up submitting it to Ellen, so if you see that motto on What's Wrong With These Signs?, it's from yours truly.
Aw, the old man one is so cute :)
ReplyDeleteThe Santa one ... it still surprises me to hear you make those kinds of jokes; you were always the politest one of us XD
Haha, I'd half-forgotten that kid ... I have to wonder whether he understands the jokes he's making, or whether an adult wrote those things for him and it's mostly shock value that makes them funny ... but either way :p
... Hahaha! You should have gotten a picture of the bike shop sign! (I don't actually watch Ellen DeGeneres, but doesn't she always show a picture with those kinds of things?)
Never forgot the marmot story; I go back and reread it sometimes, just because I love it :D
The bike shop sign is found easily enough; the shop is called Wenting's. And the Santa joke is not mine; I heard it from Lorne who probably got it from a joke website.
DeleteYes, I do try to be polite. I'm failing more and more these days; seems the littlest things set me off. I always feel like I'm overreacting, but can't help it. Kind of like how Eric knows he's ruining a moment, and just keeps on ruining it.
I did submit a photo of it, actually; at least I hope that's the photo I sent!
I love the marmot story, too. But I can't help but visualize it. Sometimes when I'm bored I try to match a popping sound to the image that comes to mind.
Woodman did say that his family helped him write some of the jokes. And he uses the word savage way too much. But it was still refreshing to see a kid saying those jokes rather than attempting magic with the same tired card trick seen every-where else.
lol, who's Eric? I feel that I do that, too; react way too strongly to things ... but that's just me being me, I've learned :p
Deletelol, I was so disappointed that for the second year in a row (I didn't watch America's Got Talent before that) someone I didn't really like won AGT - I was rooting for Zurcaroh this year (or the comedian with Tourette's, or Brian King Joseph) and a boring magician doing long card tricks won. Last year I was hoping Mandy Harvey (singer), Preacher Lawson (comedian) or Angelica Hale (absolutely amazing nine-year-old singer) would win, and the actual winner was a ventriloquist with a pretty cringy bunch of acts - yeah, she had talent, but wow, at least the other kid didn't make me want to bury myself in a hooded sweatshirt so I wouldn't see :p
I'll have to Google those people, because the only name I recognize is Angelica Hale. When I said Eric I was talking about a That '70s Show char-acter, who doesn't really think things through. He only seems to realize what he's done when every-one is mad at him.
DeleteZurcaroh's a dance group; Brian Joseph's an amazing violin player; the guy with Tourette's was surprisingly funny! (I say that not because of his illness, but because comedians tend to be really awkward AND not funny) :p
ReplyDeleteAh, I don't watch that show :p
I saw the series once, a few years ago, and not since. I actually bought it for Lorne, but Mom's been hogging it since day one. Every single night, whether she's been drinking or not, we can hear the theme song repeatedly play over and over until the player decides to auto-start an episode.
DeleteThere is this really funny teenager on YouTube. He also has Tourette's, but sometimes he laughs at the things he says, which helps me feel less bad about laughing, too. He's made a bunch of videos of himself to raise awareness.
That's really cool ... I've been watching a lot of awareness videos lately, too; I've learned about conditions I never knew existed (and am grateful not to have).
DeleteAw, that sucks - does she know it's Lorne's?
Yeah, she knows; she was with me when I bought it for him, and I told her again later it was actually his. I don't think he's seen the DVDs all the way through for himself yet. In any event he doesn't seem to mind.
DeleteWell, he IS a really nice guy ... sometimes too nice, maybe? :p
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