My computer is making more noise than lovers. And all I did was play three Facebook games. The inside of the brain was cleaned, too, so it's probably my graphic card - the biggest fear of every financially screwed gamer. Oh well. I have spent most of my life waiting, so there is always the Internet to satisfy my damn urges while I wait for a new one. And no, I don't mean it the same dirty way it sounds.
We had payday awhile back. Thank goodness. We had a pizza dinner. I also got my hands on some treats: chocolate ice cream with chocolate sauce, and yogurt, and Boost...Oh, and pop and chips! I'd nearly forgotten about those. My bad; I do love them...too much, in fact. I wish, for the five-millionth time, that I could have my sweet tooth extracted. But unfortunately it's just a saying that means I'll crave junk food until I die, fat and happy. Well, fine with me. Who wants to die thin and sad? I don't want to go my entire life denying myself the fatty goodness there is to be had. I deny myself so much already. Love, dangerous fun, even laughter. I have my reasons; but God, I wish I could ignore all my health issues and just be crazy! Even for a day. But no, I have to take all these pills and do nothing that's more exciting than chores, catering to my daily needs and getting the mail. I honestly think I'm going crazy.
Well, at least when people ignore me, it isn't because I never tried to warn them.
Been going to bed at 2-ish in the afternoon for awhile now. Sometimes I don't wake up until midnight or later, and sometimes I don't sleep until 2-ish the next afternoon. It makes my family worry, for some reason; but I'm happier than a pig in sh!t because I need all the sleep I can get. But, for some reason, I try to get out of this blue funk because they want me to enjoy my day. Right. Like there's something to take pleasure in. Besides, I like blue. And funk is comforting. It's familiar. It means I can never be disappointed when nothing works out, because it goes exactly how I knew it would. It's the only thing that's been true to me, a constant in my life. Happiness is so deceptive, so betraying. Always stabs you in the back, just like 'friends'.
And family. Family, too. God, I'm treated like a robotic dog here. "Go for a walk!" "Go have a bath!" "Go fetch something from my room." "Good girl!" And yes, those things are actually said to me. It makes me f**king sick.
I wish I could express my opinion without having to worry about being kicked out for my vulgarity. And I probably wouldn't be kicked out, but they would never let me forget that I was oh, so hateful - just an insolent little b!tch; the bad child.
Hahahaha! I'm just so sunshiny, aren't I? Completely not insane. I just need to relax and let my favorite music do its magic. Okay. Block out the world, and smile...
We had payday awhile back. Thank goodness. We had a pizza dinner. I also got my hands on some treats: chocolate ice cream with chocolate sauce, and yogurt, and Boost...Oh, and pop and chips! I'd nearly forgotten about those. My bad; I do love them...too much, in fact. I wish, for the five-millionth time, that I could have my sweet tooth extracted. But unfortunately it's just a saying that means I'll crave junk food until I die, fat and happy. Well, fine with me. Who wants to die thin and sad? I don't want to go my entire life denying myself the fatty goodness there is to be had. I deny myself so much already. Love, dangerous fun, even laughter. I have my reasons; but God, I wish I could ignore all my health issues and just be crazy! Even for a day. But no, I have to take all these pills and do nothing that's more exciting than chores, catering to my daily needs and getting the mail. I honestly think I'm going crazy.
Well, at least when people ignore me, it isn't because I never tried to warn them.
Been going to bed at 2-ish in the afternoon for awhile now. Sometimes I don't wake up until midnight or later, and sometimes I don't sleep until 2-ish the next afternoon. It makes my family worry, for some reason; but I'm happier than a pig in sh!t because I need all the sleep I can get. But, for some reason, I try to get out of this blue funk because they want me to enjoy my day. Right. Like there's something to take pleasure in. Besides, I like blue. And funk is comforting. It's familiar. It means I can never be disappointed when nothing works out, because it goes exactly how I knew it would. It's the only thing that's been true to me, a constant in my life. Happiness is so deceptive, so betraying. Always stabs you in the back, just like 'friends'.
And family. Family, too. God, I'm treated like a robotic dog here. "Go for a walk!" "Go have a bath!" "Go fetch something from my room." "Good girl!" And yes, those things are actually said to me. It makes me f**king sick.
I wish I could express my opinion without having to worry about being kicked out for my vulgarity. And I probably wouldn't be kicked out, but they would never let me forget that I was oh, so hateful - just an insolent little b!tch; the bad child.
Hahahaha! I'm just so sunshiny, aren't I? Completely not insane. I just need to relax and let my favorite music do its magic. Okay. Block out the world, and smile...
