I see all these ads lately. Celebrities who look totally different without makeup! Well, yeah, they all do; they took off their face. You wear makeup most of your life, yeah, you're gonna look different as hell when you peel it out of all your crow's feet and wrinkles. They had that crap caked in there every day for years on end; in order to not look different you'd have to have had so many facelifts that I could do my own makeup looking into the shiny stretched skin of your cheek.
I saw this commercial for a model doing a photo shoot. She had her legs bent at the knees, and her feet weren't even under her; they were to her sides. Her hands were in her hair, her head was thrown back and her mouth was open. She looked like a mix between a stripper and a fish; and she stood there, just like that, probably swallowing back drool, for minutes as the cameraman got ready to take the picture. Her eyebrows were drawn on and she looked like she had woken up minutes before and slapped the makeup on with her feet without using a mirror. She looked absolutely insane. Beautiful, maybe, but it's ridiculous what people will do for the camera guy. And she'd have looked a lot more beautiful if she'd closed her fat lips, or at least have tilted them into a smile.
'Course, with all that makeup on, if she tried smiling her cheeks might have begun to peel.
And she really needed to put on some clothes. I don't care how thin and smooth you are; I don't want to see all that hanging out while I'm trying to eat. Nor do I want to see naked people so incredibly fat that if they started clapping, they could take flight. I might have a little pouch on me, but at least I don't weigh more than half the mass of the car. In comparison my little belly is wee. Cute, even. Their arms alone probably weigh more than I do. It really inspires me to work out, though, because I don't want to end up like that. Wearing tents for clothing. Having to wear two hospital gowns at once just to cover myself. Having one plane seat for each ass cheek. Being lifted by the construction truck because I couldn't squeeze my fat ass through the double doors. No thank you. There is a limit; and when your belly button can kiss your boobs, you've reached it!
Well, okay, that's probably enough. I probably come across as just a bitch, but I'm really just trying to improve my humor. Not that all that isn't true, but hell, I'm probably just spending too much time around my brother. The tent clothes, the hospital gown, that's all him.
And I claim the rest.
Well, anyway, on to a topic that's not so heavy. I keep bothering Mom, "Want to watch some Little House?" Not that I care for all the drama and tears and church-Bible-God-church-Bible-God stuff. I don't. But, the story lines are generally good. I like the characters. Mary's my favorite. Reminds me of you, sister! A lot! With her blue eyes, glasses, long hair, quiet voice. Hell, she reminds me so much of you that she's the only character capable of making me cry along with her!
But, I ask her to watch an episode here and there because it has taken us two years to finish Season 1, Disk 1. So, I took them into my room and am watching one, two, maybe even five episodes a day. I don't watch them all, because I do want to leave some a surprise when I watch them with Mom...in like a decade. But in the episodes I have seen myself, Carrie fell into the mining shaft, Mary went blind and went to the blind school, married her teacher Adam Kendall after a little bit of cold feet (look at that, sis, she moved away and got engaged! I've never been so reminded of you by a movie character before!), found a little girl even though there was a sandstorm and she was blind before it came along, and moved back to Walnut Grove after her blind school was sold. Willie and Nellie teased her for having glasses, Laura befriended an old man deemed a maniac who lived in a disgustingly filthy house; and, well, Nels Olsen made a comment, true or not is beyond me, about wanting to kill Harriet. And Harriet Olsen overcame her racism to embrace all colors.
Yep. Good times. Lousy music, hate the drama, can't relate to the church-goers, but, good times. I grew up on this show; and I'm so many years behind. Apparently, it's been on TV all this time; but what with basic cable and all...Well, no matter. I'm actually luckier than they are, because I get to choose which episode, when it comes on, and when its commercial breaks are. Plus, I can slip on my headphones and watch it late at night when I can't sleep.
Which reminds me, I better start trying! I can't believe how long this thing is...And to think, it's all about celebrities and their work. Who would've thunk it?
Ah well. G'night!
