October 14th, 2012 - News - Update

Currently I'm working on more fanbashing. This time the target is the House Of Night series by P.C. and Kristin Cast! I will post it as an entry when I'm finished. It will be done as one entry, organized by chapters; and I intend to do the series in the order the books were published.

["Fanbashing" - a term I made up where I give constructive criticism to things I like]

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...No. Why exactly do I want my doctor to hate me? That would be the most idiotic thing to do – the guy has my records. Not only that, who will I go to if I need asthmatic inhalers, or prescriptions, or medicine to control seizures, or flu shots?
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Yeah. Right.

Bashing The BSC

In a previous post, I told you I was bashing what I love. This is different. Here, right now, what you're about to read, is a post ridiculing what I hate the most. It is the book series by Ann M. Martin about a disarray of children who form a club of babysitters, and imaginatively call it the Babysitters Club. Read on.

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1. In what universe are all the children, from ages four to twelve years, more literate and thoughtful than the people thirteen years plus?

2. Just why exactly are the neighborhood parents allowing eleven-year-olds and thirteen-year-olds to watch their kids? They are all minors - they are still children themselves! And let's not forget that Claudia misspells words more than Sheldon Cooper speaks them, Mary Anne can't even read an email without blubbering, Kristy has very little regard to her own surroundings, and Stacey has diabetes. If they're babysitters, they should at least be supervised ones; to ensure they don't have an emotional breakdown or a medical crisis while on the job. Such as a diabetic coma. The best thing Ann M. Martin could possibly do is write a book where Stacey falls into a diabetic coma and the rest of the little idiots hit a rift on whether or not she'll come out of it. Oh, and they're finally legal age, by the way; which entitles them to, say, having their first hangovers; going to jail; the freedom to drive or move away.

3. The book "Poor Mallory!" is just stupid. Well, they all are; but this one is in particular because it wasn't Mallory who was fired. Why not make the book about her father - the forgotten main character? And why is it that the father has to sit on his ass and be useless, and the minors save the day? They can't even buy lottery tickets. And what was it that they did...Did the triplets help with the babysitting? Oh, why not, they are after all TEN. What's the harm? Surely a third-grader can help a four-year-old see the brighter side of Mommy getting pregnant. Oh, but wait, I haven't read this shit in about half a decade. Perhaps they tried selling lemonade to save Daddy's ass. Or maybe the babyshitters raised the rates for their services? No, they wouldn't want to put it on their fucking flyers and lose business; which they don't deserve, because they are minors, they do not know First Aid, they do not have Food Safe, and therefore they are an illegal business. So in that case, isn't it so awesome that their charges are always flawlessly healthy and even Jenny Prezzioso can be kept quiet with a box of glitter and pens? Please! What kid doesn't already have toys?

5. All these babysitters are sluts. They already have boyfriends, have been kissed...They're eleven and thirteen! And why don't their parents know? Parents are supposed to interfere, especially when their children are at that age!

6. Who cares how Ben Hobart's accent sounds? Instead of spending three paragraphs or whatever, making the character narrate out the pronunciation of several words; why not just say Australian accent and leave it at that? Oh, wait, I'm being too critical; she is a CHILDREN'S author. How could I have forgotten when she writes at a second-grade level? Oops, I wasn't thinking when I wrote that; because second-graders could write more sufficiently.

There's probably more; but I'm going to call it a night. To read a similar opinion, visit http://bscbookblog.blogspot.ca/.

Fanbashing!

SHREK

The Jolly Green Giant

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1. First Shrek movie, think back to the quote, "Take a look at me, what am I?"- Donkey looks him up and down - or in this case, down and up. Well, keeping in mind that donkeys are color blind; why is that part not in black and white?

2. Queen Lillian and King Harold deal with the Fairy Godmother and her bratty son. Why? Why not just banish them to another location? If you're thinking that they put up with them because Charming's a prince; well, clearly, you forget that he is fatherless; and the Fairy Godmother is not a Queen. She shouldn't be listed as Charming's mother; he should've been born in another kingdom. Even Artie, the teenager who was disposed of at a school by his very own old man, is able to confront his royal background with some masculine dignity. All Charming carries with him - I mean, aside from his tights and hairspray - is a sword; which, let's face it, just makes him look like a bratty commoner. With tights. And hairspray. If you're thinking it's because the Fairy Godmother deserves respect, uh, no, she doesn't. First off, her hair is gray and King Harold's is white, which means she isn't his elder. Earn your respect, lady; no one with any sense will just give it to you because you're old.

3. Where is Cinderella's stepmother, and for that matter, her "evil stepsisters"? Did her special secretive GOOD Fairy Godmother erase them from existence after her secretive ball in the kingdom - or did the evil, winged bitch Fairy Godmother "owe her one"? Where are her glass slippers? And hey, what's the deal with Rumpelstiltskin? An adult in the third film, a conniving little brat in the fourth - can I assume he traveled back to the past? No, because everything else would've changed, too. Let's face it; despite how much we love Shrek, it's full of mistakes.

4. Why quit making Shrek? There are so many open roads for more! For one, Fiona could find out that her father hired a certain friend of hers to kill her husband. For another, Kitty Softpaws could meet Rumpelstiltskin and make a request to meet Puss In Boots again. Oh, and in the third Shrek movie, Artie becomes KING. So, where's his Queen? Is it...perhaps...Rapunzel? I mean, come on - she WAS going out with "King Charming", yes? Maybe she is attracted to men for their wealth or status. Despite all its faults, the Shrek series is so much better than that Panda crap DreamWorks is doing now!

5. Topic change! Take a close look at your Sims Life Stories game (or Google Images search it if you don't have one). What is Riley wearing? I believe it is a formal white dress. But is that dress even IN the Sims Life Stories? Nope. And if you play through the introduction with the music and the mini-videos, WITH your volume up; you will also notice that Riley does NOT have the voice of an adult Sim. Speaking of Sims, here is another glitch - whether you swap neighborhoods in the Sims 2 or make your own; La Shawn Cameron will freaking follow your Sims. She's in every neighborhood and she goes past - or visits - every lot. And in any Sims game; it says your Sim will have a Platinum aspiration for the rest of his/her lifetime if you fulfill their Lifetime Wish. But that only works if you use the 'lockaspiration on' cheat. If you don't do that, they will NOT have it for the rest of their lifetime! That's getting our hopes up, not theirs.

Okay. I think that does it...for now. I'll keep editing this post until I honestly, truly cannot think of any other mistakes...with anything. So make yourself comfy and keep checking back. And if you find any glitches with any of the following, you just leave me a comment:

Animorphs (that undervalued movie series based on the books by K.A. Applegate)

City Of Heroes (a downloadable computer game)

Finding Nemo (that funny animated movie about a lost clownfish looking for his father)

Ice Age (an animated series about prehistoric mammals and animals)

Need For Speed World (my favorite game of all time!)

Shrek (aforementioned)

X-Men (the awesome movies, not the -yawn- comic books)

Sims Life Stories

Sims Pet Stories

Sims 2 (and its expansions)

Sims 3 (and its expansions)

I apologize for my unexpanded horizons! Please contribute to this post if you can.

Making Fun

In reference to: http://bscbookblog.blogspot.ca/

In every Archie comic you read; you will notice several things. It's too obvious to ignore. First off, Betty Cooper is supposed to be the brainy blond, correct? On that note, why is she only interested in a guy who at any minute will dump her - and so often does it openly, without excuses? Second off, Veronica's father has billions. So why is spending, say, $100, such a big deal to him? It's not a lot when you can buy three houses or go on a vacation for a month.

Second off, their scripts are so stupidly obvious. It's like the script writers think we are unable to figure out what happened despite the pictures! For instance, take a look at "Something Fishy"; page two. Reggie is charging toward Archie, despite knowing the clumsy idiot is holding a priceless possession of the one and only Veronica Lodge - a love interest for Reggie as well. He bumps into the fish Archie's holding; and Archie says, "Hey, you knocked the fish out of my hands!" and Veronica says, "And out that open window!" Uh, no kidding? It's a picture book, people. We're aware. Plus, why would Reggie do that if he's in the house of his easy little playmate's father? Doesn't he know he can get a restraining order? Hiram sure as hell could afford bodyguards for "Ron".

Thirdly, every mother in the comics are too similar. Stay-at-home mixed with hard-worker, short-hair, slim-once-but-fat-now, religious, semi-logical. The fathers all work, but not the mothers. I'm sorry - but the comics are still being made to this day. They can snap out of the Black Plague era, seriously. It ceases to be entertaining this way.

And whenever there's more than three people in one room; the majority are dressed similarly. Three people have purple shirts, two people have orange, some idiot's wearing yellow pants the instant Betty's in the picture. Jeez. Try adding some pink, or brown, or black, huh?

Lastly, everyone points or poses alike way too often. Someone always has his finger in the air. Betty and Veronica always have identical stances. They all walk by kicking their feet WAY out in front of them. And how the hell did Moose graduate until he got into college? Why does he work so hard to protect his girlfriend if she goes around kissing other guys all the time? And what's the deal with all those stray animals? I can understand one in every book, but there's one ALMOST EVERY TIME SOMEONE LEAVES THE HOUSE.

I have to go for now. I'll probably move on to another piece of idiocy, able and overdue to be ridiculed in so many different ways.